Good Morning:
It's Saturday April 7, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Walter WInchell,
1879; Percy Faith, 1908; Billie Holliday, 1915; James Garner, 1928; Daniel
Ellsberg, 1931; Wayne Rogers, 1933; Francis Ford Coppolla, 1939; David
Frost, 1939; Tony Dorsett, 1954.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1868 Mormon Church
leader Brigham Young married his 27th and final wife.
On this date in 1948 the United
Nations World Health Organization was established, and World Health Day
is celebrated (?) in honor of that event.
On this date in 1953 Swedish diplomat
Dag Hammarskjold was elected U.N. secretary-general.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Confederate
General Stonewall Jackson's first name was Thomas... There is a club in
the United States whose only membership requirement is that your name is
Jim Smith. At last count there were 781 members... Greenland's official
language is Danish.
TRIVIA: Who wrote the biblical
book of Hezekiah?
Here is
a political quote from David Frost to start our Saturday off: "Vote
Labor and you build castles in the air. Vote Conservative and you
can live in them." On to the professional material...
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Thanks to LBS: Signs You
Live in The Year 2001----
1. You just tried to enter your
password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone
numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to
tell him it is time to eat and he e-mails you back from his bedroom to
ask What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout
cookies via her website.
5. You chat several times a day
with a stranger from South Africa but you haven't spoken to your next door
neighbor yet this year.
6. You say "LOL" instead of laughing,
in real life.
7. Your grandmother asks you to
send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway
and use your cell phone to see if anybody is home.
9. Every commercial on TV has a
website at the bottom of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months
later it is out of date and worth half what you paid for it.
11. Leaving your house without
your cell phone, which you didn't have for the first 20 or 30 years of
your life, s a cause for panic.
12. Using real money, instead of
a credit card, would be a hassle and takes planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room
means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying
in touch with the family is that they don't have e-mail.
15. You consider second-day air
delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now
your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized
is multiple-colored Post-it Notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes
via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line
so you can get phone calls.
20. You disconnect from the Internet
and get this feeling like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in the morning and
go on-line before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2 a.m. to go
to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
23. You start tilting your head
sideways to smile.
24. You are reading this----
25. Even worse, you're going to
forward it to someone else!
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From a friend: The object
of this is to translate these worked over proverbs back into their commonly
known form...
1. An ignoramus and his/her lucre
are readily disjoined.
2. In the absence of the feline
race, certain small rodents will give themselves up to various pleasurable
pastimes.
3. A plethora of culinary specialists
vitiate the liquid in which a variety of substances have been simmered.
4. Impetuous celebrity engenders
purposeless spoilage.
5. Illegal transgression has no
remuneration for its perpetrators.
6. A winged and feathered animal
in the digital limb is as valuable as duet in the shrubbery.
7. The warm-blooded class aves
who is governed by promptitude can apprehend the small, elongated, and
slender creeping animal.
8. Provide the privilege of affranchisement,
or I will feel that life is not worth living.
9. A condition characterized by
tardiness is more desirable than one that is systematically marked
by eternal absenteeism.
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Another favorite from a friend:
FACTS
1. The citrus soda 7-UP was created
in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces.
"UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
2. Mosquito repellents don't repel.
They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't
know you're there.
3. Dentists have recommended that
a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne
particles resulting from the flush.
4. The liquid inside young coconuts
can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
5. American car horns beep in the
tone of F.
6. No piece of paper can be folded
more than 7 times.
7. Donkeys kill more people annually
than plane crashes.
8. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared
on TV.
9. You burn more calories sleeping
than you do watching TV. (I'm going to sleep more!)
10. Oak trees do not produce acorns
until they are fifty years of age or older.
11. The first product to have a
bar code was Wrigley's gum.
12. The king of hearts is the only
king without a mustache.
13. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer
than the Wright brothers' first flight.
14. American Airlines saved $40,000
in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first class.
15. Venus is the only planet that
rotates clockwise.
16. The first CD pressed in the
US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
17. Apples, not caffeine, are more
efficient at waking you up in the morning.
18. The plastic things on the end
of shoelaces are called aglets.
19. Barbie's full name is Barbara
Millicent Roberts.
20. Betsy Ross is the only real
person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money
from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes.
23. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
24. The sound of E.T. walking was
made by someone squishing their hands in jelly.
25. Pearls melt in vinegar.
26. It takes 3,000 cows to supply
the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
27. The three most valuable brand
names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, Budweiser, in that order.
28. It is possible to lead a cow
upstairs...but not downstairs.
29. Average life span of a major
league baseball: 7 pitches.
30. A duck's quack doesn't echo
and no one knows why.
31. The reason firehouses have
circular staircases is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses.
The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk
up straight staircases.
32. Richard Milhouse Nixon was
the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word
"criminal".
33. The second? William Jefferson
Clinton.
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ANSWER: Sorry -- no such
book exists. This would qualify as a trick question...
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