Good Morning: It's Sunday April
1, 2001!
Today is April Fool's Day. It is a day on which
the aquarium receives several calls for Mr. Fish, salt and sugar is frequently
switched, quarters are glued to the sidewalk, and all sorts of improbable
tales are told with a straight face in the hope of declaring listeners
to be April fools.
BIRTHDAYS: Wallace Beery, 1886; Hans Conreid, 1915;
Debbie Reynolds, 1932; Ali McGraw, 1939; Rusty Staub, 1944; David Eisenhower,
1947.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1789 the U.S. House of Representatives
finally achieved a quorum and convened, after almost a month of trying
to get the quorum.
On this date in 1863 our first wartime conscription law
went into effect.
On this date in 1889 Mrs. W.A. Cockran of Shelbyville,
IN perfected the first dishwasher which was marketed in Chicago.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Bugs Bunny weighs 6 7/8 pounds...
Splinter and Knothead were Woody Woodpecker’s niece and nephew... Captain
Crunch's sailing vessel is the Guppy.
TRIVIA: See if you can name the dogs from the following
comic strips: "Peanuts" "Dennis the Menace" "Blondie".
Charles De Gaulle said, "The
better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs." May
your Lord's Day be filled with worship and peace.
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Thanks to JLLH: Loan Request
A New Orleans lawyer sought an F.H.A. loan for a client.
He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title
to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to
the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to
track down.
After sending the information to the F.H.A., he received
the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan
application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented
the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to
the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval
can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been
received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the
194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that
any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the
property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S.
from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed F.H.A. bureaucrats, the title to the
land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired
it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain
by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher
Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to
India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious
woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the F.H.A., took the
precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels
to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the
emissary of Jesus Christ, The Son of God. And God, as is commonly accepted,
created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that
He also made that part of the World called Louisiana. He, therefore, would
be the owner of origin. I hope you find His original claim to be
satisfactory. Now, May we have our loan?"
They got the loan.
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Thanks to JLLH: An Italian, Irishman and a Chinaman
An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinaman are hired at
a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says
to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping", and to the Irishman
he says "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinaman, "you're
in charge of supplies". He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little
while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when
he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of
it?" The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I didn't have a broom. You
said the Chinese guy was in a charge of supplies, but he a disappeared
and I couldn't a find a him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he
didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad.
But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in chairge
of supplies, but I counna fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward
the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy
springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
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Thanks to AB: I've Learned.....
They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift
of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy........
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world
is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've
made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your
arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than
being right.
I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift
from a child.
I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when
I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life
requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is
a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around
the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an
adult.
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give
us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings
that make life so spectacular.
I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is
someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one
day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change
the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with
someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow
as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be
greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping
with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall
in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone
will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness
will dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom
that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both
soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... A smile is an inexpensive way to improve
your looks.
I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but
I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild
holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of
the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing
it.
I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only
two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening
situation.
I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with,
the more things I get done.
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ANSWER: In "Peanuts" the dog is Snoopy; "Dennis
the Menace" owns Ruff; and "Blondie" pets Daisy.
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