Good Morning: It's Thursday
April 5, 2001!
BIRTHDAYS: Spencer Tracy, 1900; Bette Davis, 1908;
Gregory Peck, 1916; Arthur Hailey, 1920; Gale Storm, 1922; Frank Gorshin,
1934; General Colin Powell, 1937; Eric Burdon, 1941; Max (Wojo) Gail, 1943;
Judy Resnik, 1949.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1242 Alexander Nevsky defeated the Teutons
and Livonians as they advanced on the Russian city of Novgorod.
On this date in 1614 John Rolfe and Pocahontas were married
in Virginia.
On this date in 1792 the first Presidential veto took
place as George Washington vetoed a measure apportioning the number of
representative districts.
On this date in 1972 Howard Hughes, legendary businessman,
film maker and recluse, died.
On this date in 1974 the (then) tallest building in the
world opened for business -- The World Trade Center.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Nero, the fiddling Roman Emperor,
was said to have never worn the same clothes twice... Loaded dice were
found in the ruins of Pompeii... In the days of King Henry VIII, knitting
was the specialty of men, not women.
TRIVIA: Who was Melvin Dummar and for what did
he briefly become famous in the 70's?
I never saw his program, so
far as I can recall, but here is a Jerry Seinfeld quote to start us off:
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but
to accept God's final decision on where your lips end." I'll buy
that... On to the real stuff...
*******************************************************
Thanks to a friend:
Bob and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game.
The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at
bat, the score was tied zero to zero. It was the bottom of the 9th inning
with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate
whose name was Love. Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single,
because Love never fails. The next batter was named Faith, who also
got a single, because Faith works with Love.
The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan
wound up and threw the first pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and
let it pass; Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked,
because Godly
Wisdom never swings at what Satan throws. The bases
were now loaded. The Lord turned to Bob and told him He was now going
to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace.
Bob said, "He sure doesn't look like much!"
Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch.
To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever
seen. But Satan wasn't worried; his center fielder let very few fly
by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him
on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; then it continued over
the fence for a home run!
The Lord's team won. The Lord then asked Bob if
he knew why Love, Faith, and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not
win the game. Bob answered that he didn't know why. The Lord
explained, "If your love, faith, and wisdom had won the game you would
think you had done it by yourself. Love, faith, and wisdom will get
you on base, but only My Grace can get you home."
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB:
** On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband
fixed."
** Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes
one weak."
** At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your
next blowout."
** At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm
and a leg. We want tows."
** In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we
will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
** On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
** At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see
what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
** On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is
expensive."
** In a veterinarian's waiting room : "Be back
in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
** At the electric company: "We would be delighted
if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
** In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive
carefully. We'll wait."
*******************************************************
Thanks to AB: This is a test of the Emergency Friendship
System
....... A Friend....
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffers support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains things you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
*******************************************************
Thanks to JLLH: IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE!
IMPORTANT RECALL NOTICE! The maker of all human beings
is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to
the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This
is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam
and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent
units. This defect has been technically termed, Subsequential Internal
Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as S-I-N, as it is primarily symptomized
by loss of moral judgment. Some other symptoms (a) Loss of direction (b)
Foul vocal emissions (c) Amnesia of origin (d) Lack of peace and joy (e)
Selfish, or violent, behavior (f) Depression or confusion in the mental
component (g) Fearfulness (h) Idolatry. The manufacturer, who is neither
liable or at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair
and service, free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The number to call
for the recall station in your area is P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please
upload your burden of SIN by pressing R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E. Next, download
J-E-S-U-S into the heart. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is,
JESUS repair will replace it with (a) Love (b) Joy (c) Peace (d) Long-suffering
(e) Gentleness (f) Goodness (g) Faith (h) Meekness (i) Temperance...
Please see operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further
details on the use of these fixes. WARNING - Continuing to operate the
human unit without correction, voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing
owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the
human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call
on J-E-S-U-S. DANGER – The human units not receiving this recall action
will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect must not enter
heaven or heaven will be infected. Author -- The Creator.
*******************************************************
ANSWER: Dummar was a gas station attendant in Willard,
Utah who claimed that Howard Hughes had left his fortune to him.
*******************************************************