Good Morning: It's Wednesday
April 11, 2001!
Special Enon Birthday: Today is Bobby Roney's special
day -- it's his birthday!!! We wish him the very best of times...
Special Family Birthday: Today is my brother's
birthday, Tony Smith! He and his family now reside in NE Arkansas.
We wish him the very best of times...
BIRTHDAYS: Charles Evans Hughes, 1862; Dean Acheson,
1893; Oleg Cassini, 1913; Ethel Kennedy, 1928; Joel Grey, 1932; Louise
Lasser, 1939.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1814 Napoleon Bonaparte was abdicated
as Emperor of France and banished to the island of Elba. A day later
he tried to end his life but the poison he took created a terrible case
of hiccups, which caused him to vomit, thereby foiling his suicide attempt.
On this date in 1906 Albert Einstein introduced his theory
of relativity.
On this date in 1947 Jackie Robinson played his first
major league baseball game for the Brooklyn Dodgers.
On this date in 1951 President Harry S. Truman removed
General Douglas MacArthur from command.
On this date in 1986 Washington state employees won a
suit requiring the state to pay women as much as men for comparable work.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The Bronx is the only part of
New York City connected to the mainland... There are no streets in Washington
D.C. that start with the letter "J" because it too closely resembles the
letter "I"... If you have lost your marbles, head for the National Marbles
Tournament, held annually in Wildwood, New Jersey.
TRIVIA: By what nickname did the world know Robert
Stroud?
John Jensen said, "The trouble
with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful
hurry." Slow down a bit, enjoy the journey, the end comes soon enough.
Have a nice Wednesday!
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Thanks to GB: The Memorial
Sunday morning, the preacher noticed that little Alex
was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted
on either side of it. The little seven-year old had been staring at the
plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up, stood beside the boy,
and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning preacher," replied
the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Preacher, what is this?" Alex
asked. "Well, Son, it's a Memorial to all the young men and women who died
in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked.. "Which service,
the 9:00 or the 11:00?"
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From CLEAN LAFFS: The Ten Most Common Forms of
Office Illness
1. The Macy's One Day Sale Flu.
2. The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.
3. The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden
Unbearable Stomach Pains.
4. The I'm Looking for a New Job and I Don't Know How
Long It's Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until Then Mysterious
Infection.
5. The My Boyfriend's Got the Week Off So Suddenly I'm
Too Contagious To Come In To The Office Disease.
6. The I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn't Make
Evening Appointments Bout of Influenza.
7. The There's No Federal Holidays for Two Months and
I Want a Day Off Sickness.
8. The It's Spring Break and I Want To Pretend I'm a
Teenager Again General Ailment.
9. The I've Screwed Up Royally and I Won't Come In To
Face the Music Terminal Illness.
10. The I Really Am Sick and I've Got The Doctor's Bills
and the Completed Medical Expense Reimbursement Forms to Prove It Infirmity
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From Laffaday: Increase Your Vocabulary
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are some recent winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (this one got extra
credit).
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
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From CLEAN LAFFS: Amish Bull
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.
An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the
electric company would like to run a power line through his pasture. The
Amish man said, "No."
"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the worker.
As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in
the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bull into the
pasture.
As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field,
the Amish man hollered,
"Show HIM your paper!"
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From TheDailyGiggle: Getting Old
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's
what I've discovered:
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of
it.
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling
apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is
when you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put
them on my knees.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here
after.
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From a friend:
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named
Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn,
so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.
One day the mechanic was working on a car in his back
yard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find
it for the life of him so decided to call it a day.
That night Mace escaped from the house and ate all the
grass in the back yard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and
saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.
Realizing what had happened he looked up the heavens
and proclaimed......
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench
for me!"
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ANSWER: One of the most famous residents of "The
Rock", Stroud was known as "The Birdman of Alcatraz".
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