AprilSixteenThruTwentyFour

Good Morning: It's Tuesday April 16, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: Wilbur Wright, 1867; Charlie Chaplin, 1889; Garth Williams (children's book illustrator), 1912; Peter Ustinov, 1921; John Christopher (children's book author), 1922; Henry Mancini, 1924; Bobby Vinton, 1935; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 1947.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1789 President-elect George Washington left Mount Vernon for New York City for his inauguration.
On this date in 1818 the U.S. Senate ratified the Rush-Bagot agreement between the United States and Canada which led to the creation of the world's largest demilitarized, unfortified national border. The agreement was the result of meetings between British minister to the U.S. Charles Bagot and Acting Secretary of State Richard Rush one year earlier. Despite their differences in the war of 1812, these two nations forged a peaceful settlement.
On this date in 1862 Congress abolished slavery in the Dictrict of Columbia.
On this date in 1900 the first books of U.S. postage stamps were issued.
On this date in 1926 the book-of-the-month club was founded in New York City.
On this date in 1940 an event occurred which sparked the following brain teaser. The Cleveland Indians were playing the Chicago White Sox. No one on the White Sox got a hit, yet none of their batting averages changed. Why not? The answer: It was opening day. Hall of Famer Bob Feller threw a no-hitter, the only no-hitter on opening day in baseball history.
On this date in 1944 the city of Seattle, Washington suffered a severe labor shortage. One man advertised the following on a handwritten sign: "Woman wanted to wash dishes. Will marry if necessary."
On this date in 1947 Presidential adviser Bernard Baruch made a speech to the South Carolina state legislature in which he said, "Let us not be deceived -- we are today in the midst of a cold war."
On this date in 1962 Walter Cronkite became anchorman of the CBS EVENING NEWS television broadcast.
On this date in 1972 Chinese Giant Panda's arrived at the U.S. National Zoo.
On this date in 1987 the Federal Communications Commission warned broadcasters that it would impose a broader definition of indecency over the airwaves.
On this date in 1988 residents of Fort Madison, Iowa, raised $12,383.06 in pennies for a playground.
On this date in 1990 the U.S. Supreme Court let stand a ban on school dances in Purdy, Missouri.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: The sex of box turtles is determined by the color of their eyes... A dog is as old at twelve years as a man at eighty-four... Dr. John Witherspoon was the only preacher to sign the Declaration of Independence.
TRIVIA: Which way does Lincoln face on a penny? Don't peek, just answer from memory.
     "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love" (Charles Monroe Schulz, 1922 - 2000).
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Some funny ones from LBS:
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.
A woman came home to find her husband shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist toward the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all 2,000 of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it. He was 38.
(OK -- the last one might not be funny, but poetic justice no less...) ts
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Thanks to LBS: Computer Prayer
Dear Lord:

Every single evening
As I`m lying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head.

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they`re so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do.
Hope you don`t mind me asking,
Bless my computer too.

Now I know that it`s not normal
To bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain to you, my Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my Friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.

Please, take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless those in my address book
That`s filled with so much love!

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Please bless each e-mail Inbox
And the person who hits "Send".

When you update your heavenly list
On your own CD-ROM
Remember each who`s said this prayer
Sent up to "God dot com".

Amen.
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May as well finish it out with one of my favorite poets -- MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Mary had a little Lamb;
He was the son of God
Who left the glory of heaven,
And, on the earth He trod.

    In man, He was God, incarnate.
    As man, He felt temptation just as we.,
    Yet He resisted without sin,
    That all, like Him, could try to be.

He lived that great example
That we might follow in His steps.
When our lives are, thus, conformed
By His living, guiding precepts.

    But, the example of His life
    Could never tell us how or why.
    It behooved that precious Lamb of God
    As sacrifice, for us, to die.

I'm thankful Mary had that Lamb;
Without Him I could never know
The living God, creator of all;
They, two, have set my life aglow.

    For since He died and shed His blood
    That He might wash away my sins,
    In obedience to his living word,
    My wayward soul He would cleanse.

But, it took His rising from the dead
To give me hope beyond the grave,
That I could live in that land of bliss;
The sweetest thing that I could crave.

    Wont you come and walk with me
    In the footsteps of Mary's Lamb,
    Toward that land of happiness,
    To glorify the great "I AM"?

    By L. B. Strawn
    January 13 & 14, 1995
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ANSWER: Lincoln faces right on a penny.
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Good Morning: It's Wednesday April 17, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: J. Pierpont Morgan, 1837; Nikita Krushchev, 1897; William Holden, 1918; Harry Reasoner, 1923; Don Kirshner, 1934; Norman Julius "Boomer" Esiason, 1961; Sherlock Hemlock ("Sesame Street" character).
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1194 Richard the Lionhearted returned to England. On his way home from the Third Crusade he had been taken captive by Duke Leopold of Austria and Holy Roman Emperor Henry VI. Richard's abductors demanded a ransom of 100,000 marks for his release. To make matters worse, his brother John had seized the throne in his absence with the help of King Philip II of France. He later forgave his rebellious brother.
On this date in 1492 King Ferdinand of Spain agreed to finance Christopher Columbus's voyage seeking a westerly route to the Orient.
On this date in 1542 Florentine navigator Giovanni Verrazano discovered New York Bay.
On this date in 1629 the first commercial fishery was established.
On this date in 1704 the first successful newspaper in America, THE NEWS-LETTER, was published in Boston by John Campbell.
On this date in 1953 Yankee slugger Mickey Mantle hit a 565-foot home run, the longest ever measured.
On this date in 1961 an invasion force halfheartedly backed by the United States was repelled at Cuba's Bay of Pigs.
On this date in 1964 Jerrie Mock of Columbus, Ohio, became the first woman to complete a solo flight around the world.
On this date in 1982 Queen Elizabeth II gave Canada the right to amend its constitution, thus severing its last legislative link with Britain.
Today is ALP AUFZUG (Switzerland).
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Young salmon always swim downstream tail first... The popular belief that rain purifies the atmosphere is not true... There is no such thing as a living sardine.
TRIVIA: What present did King Tou bring to King David?
     "Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them" (Marcel Proust).
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Here is a Gradowith Poem originally written a few years ago and revised last year. It came to mind when I found the quote for today (immediately above).
..........A Picture..........

A picture holds within it
    The power to remind
No matter what is in it,
    A lesson you may find.

It brings to life our loved ones
    Who long have passed away,
It gives to death a summons:
    Set free our dead this day!

It takes us back to childhood
    And let's us go once more
To see the floating driftwood
    Lying on youth's pure shore.

It tells of time and changes,
    It proves that time moves on,
It warns us of the dangers
    That come with each new morn.

As in it we are shown then,
    As we did look one day,
We all must give attention:
    We change along the way.

Do we, as captured therein,
    Stand still unchanged this day?
Have we now failed to listen?
    To what it has to say?

It tells us to awaken,
    It bids us look around;
The fears in us are shaken,
    Though it makes not a sound.

As on that picture we look
    It sits there to remind
Us of the toll that life took:
    The price all pay in time.

May from each picture all learn
    To take some time each day,
Life's stones to leave not unturned,
    Lest time should fade away.

In ev'ry life some trouble,
    With ev'ry day some rain,
We must our strength redouble,
    We can o'ercome our pain.

Be not deceived my brother
    Time passes, then you die;
On Christ, and on no other,
    You safely may rely.

Graying hair and wrinkled brow,
    The tired and weary eyes,
We look upon ourselves now:
    The mirror seldom lies?

The picture stands to remind
    Of how life used to be,
Of days now left far behind,
    When we were young and free.

The mirror shows us today,
    A lesson let us learn:
Long gone is our yesterday,
    We need not for it yearn.

The past is ours in mem'ry,
    The picture helps recall;
But we live today, you see,
    Tomorrow comes to all.

What tomorrow brings our way
    Today we cannot know,
Take pleasure in yesterday
    But ever onward go.

A picture holds within it
    The power to remind
No matter what is in it,
    A lesson you may find.

Each day take time to reflect,
    Take pleasure in your past;
Be sure you never neglect
    The shadow your life cast.

..........H. L. Gradowith.......... 06-14-01 (revised)
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats for these:
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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The Dog and the Butcher
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher chases after the dog and ends up at the to lawyer's office.
He asks the lawyer, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $28.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $28.50 (attorneys don't carry cash).
Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer. Inside is a bill that says: $100 due for a consultation.
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*Child's Perspective on Retirement*
A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:
"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.
"They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.
They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.
My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."
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ANSWER: King Tou presented David with vessels of gold, silver, and brass -- I Chronicles 18:9-10 -- "Now when Tou king of Hamath heard how David had smitten all the host of Hadrezer king of Zobah; He sent Hadoram his son to king David, ...and with him all manner of vessels of gold and silver and brass."
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Good Morning: It's Thursday April 18, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS: Clarence Darrow, 1857; conductor Leopold Stokowski, 1882; Barbara Hale, 1922; Catfish Hunter, 1945; Hayley Mills, 1946; James Woods, 1947; Nate Archibald, 1948; Wilbur Marshall (professional football player), 1962.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1775 Paul Revere went on his legendary midnight ride to warn the countryside that "The British are coming!" Along with Revere rode William Dawes who never got credit despite the fact that Revere was captured early on, had his horse taken away from him and was sent packing back to Boston on foot, leaving Dawes to alert the patriots.
On this date in 1818 president James Monroe signed a bill creating the state of Illinois.
On this date in 1858 a sixty-day-long rainfall began in Chicago, IL.
On this date in 1906 a great earthquake struck San Francisco. The tremor's center was actually located in the small town of Olema, CA, north of the city.
On this date in 1923 Yankee Stadium opened in New York City.
On this date in 1924 Simon and Schuster published the first crossword puzzle book.
On this date in 1934 in Fort Worth, Texas the first Laundromat opened.
On this date in 1946 the League of Nations officially went out of existence.
On this date in 1981 pitcher Tom Seaver struck out his 3,000th batter.
On this date in 1988 Kenya's Ibrahim Hussein became the first (but by no means the last) African to win the Boston Marathon.

MEANINGLESS FACTS: Spinach loses 50% of its Vitamin C content within twenty-four hours after being picked... Cane sugar and beet sugar do not differ in sweetness... John Tyler was the first president of the United States to be photographed while in office.

TRIVIA: What (in the Bible) king had a throne of ivory overlaid with gold?

     "Life is too short, and the time we waste in yawning can never be regained" (Stendhal).

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Thanks to LBS: Senior Peronal Ads
Some "senior" personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers. (Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor ?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my Boss collection of eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well
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Thanks to M/M Riverrats -- My Mother taught me ....
To appreciate a job well done.
"If you're going to kill eachother, do it outside I just got done cleaning."
Individualism
"I bet if all your friends jumped off a bridge, you would too."
Religion
"You better pray that stain comes out of the carpet."
Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father."
Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into next week."
Logic
"Because I said so that's why."
Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident."
Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!"
Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
The Circle of Life
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."
Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
Contortionism
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children out there that don't have wonderful parents like you."
Stamina
"You sit there until that spinach is gone."
How to solve Physics Problems
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
Weather
"It looks like a tornado went through your room."
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Thanks to LBS: Beautiful Prayer
I asked God to take away my pain.   God said, No.   It is not for me to take away,   but for you to give it up. I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.   God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary. I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned. I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings.   Happiness is up to you. I asked God to spare me pain.   God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful. I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things. I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea. THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW It AWAY.. May God Bless You, "To the world you might be one person, But to one person you just might be the world.
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ANSWER: Solomon -- I Kings 10:18 -- "Moreover the king made a great throne of ivory, and overlaid it with the best gold."
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Good Morning: It's Friday April 19, 2002!

Happy Birthday Blake Epperson!!!

BIRTHDAYS: Roger Sherman (American political leader who was the only person to sign all four of the following documents -- the Continental Association of 1774, the Declaration of Independence, the Articles of Confederation, and the Constitution), 1721; Richard Von Mises (German mathematician), 1883; Elliot Ness (American crime fighter), 1903; Don (Maxwell Smart) Adams, 1927; Hugh O'Brian, 1930; Jayne Mansfield, 1932; Dudley Moore, 1935; Frank Viola Jr., 1960.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1739 John Winthrop, the first colonial astronomer, made observations of sunspots.
On this date in 1775 the American Revolutionary War started with what was later called "the shot heard round the world." British troops were met in the village square at Lexington by Captain John Parker and a prepared group of armed farmers. They were ready to fight because they had been warned by Paul Revere and William Dawes the night before that the British had landed.
On this date in 1865 Abraham Lincoln's funeral service was held in the Capitol.
On this date in 1897 the first Boston marathon was run.
On this date in 1950 Ham Kee Young, a 19-year-old from South Korea, became the youngest runner to win the Boston Marathon.
On this date in 1951 General Douglas Macarthur gave his farewell speech to a joint session of the U.S. Congress. Removed from his command by President Harry S Truman, Macarthur’s military career ended with a few memorable words. He recalled the song about old soldiers that never die, saying: "like the old soldier of that ballad, I now close my military career and just fade away."
On this date in 1956 Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier III.
On this date in 1982 Astronauts Sally Rode and Guion Bluford, Jr. became the first woman and first Black selected for the NASA program.
On this date in 1985 Susan Montgomery Williams of Fresno, California blew the biggest bubble gum bubble on record -- 22 inches in diameter.

MEANINGLESS FACTS: On a cold, rainy day, a horse always stands with his rear end to the wind... A horse, while trotting, has all four feet off the ground part of the time... A young blue whale puts on weight at the rate of two to three hundred pounds a day.

TRIVIA: What king (in the Bible) was killed when he was intoxicated?

     "The slanderer and the assassin differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The former is worse that the latter, for the last only kills the body, while the other murders the reputation" (Tyron Edwards).

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Thanks to PW: True Southerners
Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.
Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess".
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder".
Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in, "Going to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sets in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)
Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ... ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way!
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Thanks to ANDYCHAPPS: What's in a Name
A young man met a woman and was immediately smitten. He asked for her name was and she replied, "Oh, I don't really want to tell you."
The young man was persistent. Finally the woman said, "Well, I'm named after both of my parents. My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand."
"That's not so bad," said the young man, "those are nice names!"
"They would be if they hadn't named me Ferdeliza!"
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Thanks again to ANDYCHAPPS: Your Dog's Ten Commandments
1. Thou shalt feed me today more than thou didst yesterday.
2. Thou shalt teach me with food - not big sticks and loud voices.
3. Thou shalt walk with me every day - despite thy favorite TV program.
4. Thou shall not buy furniture that I cannot sit on.
5. Thou shalt not pay attention to anyone else but me - lest I feel un-wanted.
6. Thou shalt love me to death - even when I bark all night.
7. Thou shalt not have a Cat with ATTITUDE and CLAWS.
8. Thou shalt not start the car until I am in it.
9. Thou shalt not hide the food.
10. Thou shalt obey the above without question lest I POOP on the neighbors lawn and promote community strife.
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ANSWER: Elah, by Zimri -- I Kings 16:9-10 -- "And his (Elah's) servant Zimri, captain of half his chariots, conspired against him, as he was in Tirzah, drinking himself drunk in the house of Arza steward of his house in Tirzah. And Zimri went in and smote him, and killed him..."
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Good Morning: It's Saturday April 20, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: Daniel Chester French (American sculptor whose work includes the statue of Abraham Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial), 1850; Adolf Hitler, 1889; Joan Miro (Spanish surrealist painter), 1893; Nina Foch, 1924; Ryan O'Neal, 1941; Jessica Lange, 1949; Peter Frampton, 1950; Luther Vandross, 1951; Don Mattingl (baseball player), 1962.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1589 in Angola, Andrew Battel became the first European to see a gorilla. He named the animal a "pongo".
On this date in 1657 Asser Levy and Jacob Barimson were granted full citizenship in the city of New Amsterdam, which was later renamed New York. This nation was first settled by those seeking religious freedom, though with each new group of immigrants, the battle was renewed. On this day settlers of Judaic origin were first admitted.
On this date in 1832 the Hot Springs National Reservation, in Hot Springs, AR, became the first area set aside for public recreation by federal action.
On this date in 1836 Congress established the territory of Wisconsin.
On this date in 1902 French scientists Marie and Pierre Curie discovered Radium.
On this date in 1940 the electron microscope was demonstrated for the first time.
On this date in 1971 the Supreme Court upheld busing as the primary means to achieve racial balance in the public schools.
On this date in 1976 the Supreme Court ruled that federal courts could order low-cost housing for minorities in white urban suburbs.
On this date in 1979 thirty-five riders pedaled the longest true tandem bicycle ever built. It was almost 67 feet long.
On this date in 1987 New Jersey became the third state (after Rhode Island and Oregon) to pass a statewide recycling law.
On this date in 1988 teacher Alice Meyer performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on a puppy that had been stuffed into a student's book bag.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: All the blood in the human body passes through the thyroid gland every 17 minutes... A year on the planet Jupiter is twelve times the length of our year on earth... Saturday is the most dangerous day of the week to drive an automobile.
TRIVIA: What king had 900 chariots of iron?
     "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former" (Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955).
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From:   Adair, Ok. Bulletin (Ryan W. Kepke [email protected])
Preparation
I read once that an ancient headstone, in an old courtyard in England, carried this inscription: "Remember, man that passeth by, as thou are now, so once was I; And as I am, so thou must be. Prepare thyself to follow me." Underneath those words, one with a comic flair wrote, "To follow thee is not my intent, unless I know which way thou went!"
Though we may laugh at such matters, we do learn a very important point. We will all die and need to prepare for the Judgment. The Hebrew writer declared, "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment" (Heb. 9:27). In the day of Judgment we will have to give an account for what we have done (2 Cor. 5:10), for what we have said (Mt. 12:36-37), and for what we haven't done (Mt. 25).
"Watch therefore; for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come" (Mt. 24:42). ? Tom Moore
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Thanks to LBS: Aint Love Grand...
A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered... "The teeth."
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Thanks to CRJ -- [email protected] SUSQUEHANNA SENTINEL: PEPPERCORN RENT
In feudal times, after the lands of England had been parceled out among her lords, the people were all required to pay an annual rental for the use of the lands. But now and then there came a year when the seasons were unpropitious and the crops failed and the wretched cultivators of the soil could not pay their rent. At such times it became a custom to allow them, in lieu of the rent due, to bring a single peppercorn and deliver the same to the nobleman to whom they were indebted. This became known as the "peppercorn rent," and was understood to be a badge of servitude; an acknowledgement of their dependence. It did the lord and manor no good, but was a confession of their obligation and that they were his servants. In this day profanity is the peppercorn rent which men pay to the devil: it does him no good, but is a simple acknowledgement of their willing allegiance; a badge to show that they are his servants. --Addison Ballard
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Thanks to LM:
Roy walks into a bar, orders three mugs of Budweiser and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
Roy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm here. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Roy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
Roy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."
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ANSWER: Jabin, king of Canaan -- Judges 4:2-3 -- "And the Lord sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan, that reigned in Hazor, ... And the children of Israel cried unto the Lord: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel."
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Good Morning: It's Sunday April 21, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: Friedrich Froebel (German educator and founder of the first kindergarten), 1782; Charlotte Bronte (English novelist -- one of Lee Ann's favorites), 1816; Josh Billings, 1818; John Muir (American naturalist), 1838; Anthony Quinn, 1916; Queen Elizabeth II, 1926; Charles Grodin, 1935; Iggy Pop, 1947; Tony Danza, 1951.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 753 B.C., according to tradition, Rome was founded. I didn't say it was built in a day, just founded...
On this date in 1789 John Adams was sworn in as the first U.S. Vice President.
On this date in 1790 twenty-thousand people -- the largest public gathering America had seen -- attended Benjamin Franklin's funeral in Philadelphia.
On this date in 1843 hogs were prohibited from running wild in Chicago.
On this date in 1898 the Spanish-American War began.
On this date in 1898 Billy Duggleby became the only league baseball player to hit a grand slam home run his first time at bat.
On this date in 1908 according to Dr. Frederick Cook, he reached the North Pole. Of course, someone else claimed the honors and folks have been fussing about it ever since.
On this date in 1959 Alf Dean caught a 2,664- pound Great White Shark.
On this date in 1977 the musical ANNIE opened on Broadway.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: Thomas A. Edison is believed to be the first person to say hello on the telephone... Four presidents of the United States were born in log cabins: Fillmore, Buchanan, Lincoln, and Garfield... The heart of a snake is located about one-fifth the distance from its head to the end of its tail.
TRIVIA: What king had a house made of ivory?
     "When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge" (Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955).
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Thanks to PW: Ann Margaret
A neat story which is just a bit different from those of Jane Fonda.
Richard, (my husband), never really talked a lot about his time in Vietnam other than he had been shot by a sniper. However, he had a rather grainy, 8 x 10 black & white photo he had taken at a USO show of Ann Margaret with Bob Hope in the background that was one of his treasures.
A few years ago, Ann Margaret was doing a book signing at a local bookstore. Richard wanted to see if he could get her to sign the treasured photo so he arrived at the bookstore at 12 o'clock for the 7:30 signing.
When I got there after work, the line went all the way around the bookstore, circled the parking lot, and disappeared behind a parking garage. Before her appearance, bookstore employees announced that she would sign only her book and no memorabilia would be permitted. Richard was disappointed, but wanted to show her the photo and let her know how much those shows meant to lonely GI's so far from home.
Ann Margaret came out looking as beautiful as ever and, as 2nd in line, it was soon Richard's turn. He presented the book for her signature and then took out the photo. When he did, there were many shouts from the employees that she would not sign it. Richard said, "I understand. I just wanted her to see it."
She took one look at the photo, tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "This is one of my gentlemen from Viet Nam and I most certainly will sign his photo. I know what these men did for their country and I always have time for "my gentlemen". With that, she pulled Richard across the table and planted a big kiss on him. She then made quite a to do about the bravery of the young men she met over the years, how much she admired them, and how much she appreciated them. There weren't too many dry eyes among those close enough to hear. She then posed for pictures and acted as if he was the only one there.
Later at dinner, Richard was very quiet. When I asked if he'd like to talk about it, my big strong husband broke down in tears. "That's the first time anyone ever thanked me for my time in the Army," he said.
Richard, like many others, came home to people who spit on him and shouted ugly things at him. That night was a turning point for him. He walked a little straighter and, for the first time in years, was proud to have been a Vet.
I'll never forget Ann Margaret for her graciousness and how much that small act of kindness meant to my husband. I now make it a point to say Thank You to every person I come across who served in our Armed Forces. Freedom does not come cheap and I am grateful for all those who have served their country.
If you'd like to pass on this story, feel free to do so. Perhaps it will help others to become aware of how important it is to acknowledge the contribution our service people. LET US NEVER FORGET !!!! LET'S ROLL, AMERICA !!!!
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Thanks to MAK: THE PERFECT CHURCH
A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back, I'll have a surprise for you". The vicar accepted the offer, and he and his wife went off to the Middle East.
Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy parishioner, who told them that while they were gone, he had had a new church built. "It's the finest building money can buy, vicar," said the man. "No expense was spared." And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both outside and in. But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew, and it was at the very back. "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.
"You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.
When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew and sat down. When the pew was full, a switch clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move forward. When it reached the front of the church, it came to a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up from below at the back and more people sat down. And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards until finally the church was full, from front to back.
"Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"
The service began, and the vicar started to preach his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12 o'clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in sight. Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor behind the pulpit dropped open.
"Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"
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From CHIPS: Older Than Dirt Quiz
Count all the ones that you remember- not the ones you were told about!
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, Darlene....
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
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ANSWER: Ahab -- I Kings 22:39 -- "Now the rest of the acts of Ahab and all that he did, and the ivory house which he made,..."
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Good Morning: It's Monday April 22, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS: Isabella I (queen of Spain and Columbus' sponsor), 1451; Philosopher Immanuel Kant, 1724; Nikolai Lenin, 1870; J. Robert Oppenheimer, 1904; Eddie Albert, 1908; Glen Campbell, 1908; Homas Baird (children's author), 1923; Paula Fox (children's author), 1923; Jack Nicholson, 1936; Peter Frampton, 1950.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1500 Pedro Alvares Cabral landed in Brazil, which he claimed for King Manuel I of Portugal.
On this date in 1715 the greatest eclipse of the sun seen in 500 years occurred.
On this date in 1864 the phrase "In God We Trust" was first added to United States coinage. On previous slogan printed on earlier coins was "Mind Your Business".
On this date in 1876 the first National League baseball game -- between Philadelphia and Boston -- took place.
On this date in 1884 Thomas Stevens began a bicycle trip around the world.
On this date in 1889 Oklahoma was opened to homesteaders.
On this date in 1968 forty-four countries signed a treaty pledging cooperation in rescuing astronauts in trouble.
On this date in 1970 the first Earth day was observed.
On this date in 1990 millions of Americans celebrated the 20th anniversary of Earth day.

MEANINGLESS FACTS: The Bible does not tell us (specifically) that Jesus was ever sick... The fiscal year of the United States begins on July 1 and ends June 30... Both Julius Caesar (presumably) and Napoleon Bonaparte were victims of epilepsy.

TRIVIA: What king of Egypt killed a king of Judah in battle?

     "Curiosity is a delicate little plant which, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom" (Albert Einstein, 1879 - 1955).

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Thanks to Chadlex -- this one kinda' reads like it is slanted in favor of one branch of the armed forces...
The Navy, Army, and the Air Force decided to have a canoe race. Each team practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile.
Afterwards, the Air Force team was very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A "Metrics Team," made up of senior officers was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. They concluded that the primary difference between the two teams was that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and 8 officers and NCOs steering.
So the senior officers of the Air Force team hired a consulting company and paid them incredible amounts of money. The consultants delivered a three volume report, and advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Navy again the next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team's organizational structure was totally realigned to 4 steering officers, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering NCO. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Air Force Rowing Team Quality Program," with meetings, dinners, and a three-day pass for the rower. "We must give the rower empowerment and enrichment through this quality program."
The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.
Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a letter of reprimand to the rower for poor performance, initiated a $4 billion program for development of a new joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the paddles, and issued career continuation bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered steering officers in the hopes they would stay for next year's race.
The Army team, meanwhile, having only recently obtained funding for a boat, is trying to figure out why the oars keep making divots in the grass.
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This one from ANDYCHAPPS is bound to endear me to all on the list... The House Husband
This week my husband is at home & playing house husband. I left a list of things for him to do. He thought it was soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you.
1) Make the beds......What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.
2) Pick up dog poop in yard.......It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop....kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.
3) Drop your pants off at the cleaners.......Duhh... I'm on vacation I don't need them. Scratch three.
This is easy, what's the fuss. Think I'll go on the computer for a while.
4) Clean out Tupperware cabinet....... Uhhhh ...that's a hard one. GOT IT!!! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.
5) Mop kitchen floor.....The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie go play in the yard. (He just loves rolling in the snow.)
6) Find something fun for the kids to do.....That tinfoil in the microwave thing was kinda fun. Scratch six.
This is way too easy. I'll have lots of time for the computer!!
7) Vacuum the carpets...... That's a hard one....... Hey kids wanna have some more FUN!! Scratch seven.
8) Feed kids lunch.....Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too? YESSSS!!!!!!!!!   Scratch eight.
9) Clean out hallway closet...... Hmmmm another hard one. That's it!! Take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed. Scratch nine.
Boy O Boy am I good! Lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa!! No lunch dishes!!!
10) Do laundry.....no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer. Scratch ten.
11) Fold laundry.....(Dang ya know, I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears! Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Hey!! Check this out!! A cashmere Barbie sweater, cool! Scratch eleven.
12) Put the laundry away....Baskets in bedrooms work for me. Scratch twelve. This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???
13) Water the plants...OOPS!! Good thing the carpet is absorbent. Scratch thirteen.
14) Grocery shopping. Buy toilet paper.......These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth.... Scratch fourteen.
15) Pick up the kids ......Yeah right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off. They'll be back. Scratch fifteen. Wonder who's on ICQ???   Awww, I have plenty of time.
16) Make dinner.....Easy! "Hello do you deliver? uhhh double that. Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow". Scratch sixteen.
17) Clean out the dog house......duhh.....the dog sleeps in our bed. Like that needs to be done!
Scratch seventeen.
WOW!!! All done!!!! Still time to play on the 'puter & take a nap.......Man, this is sooooo easy.......Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working. Wish I was a chick!
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ANSWER: Pharaoh-nechoh killed Josiah -- II Kings 23:29 -- "In his days Pharaoh-nechoh king of Egypt went up against the king of Assyria to the river Euphrates: and king Josiah went against him; and he slew him at Megiddo, when he had seen him."
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Good Morning: It's Tuesday April 23, 2002!

BIRTHDAYS: William Shakespeare, 1564; James Buchanan (15th president of the United States), 1791; Granville Woods (black man who obtained 50 patents), 1856; Sergie Profofiev (Rusian composer), 1891; Janet Blair, 1921; Shirley Temple Black, 1928; Lee Majors, 1940; Sandra Dee, 1942; Phil Esposito, 1942; Herve Villechaize, 1943; Joyce Dewitt, 1949; Valerie Bertinelli, 1960.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

On this date in 1616 William Shakespeare died -- yes, it was also his birthday in 1564.
On this date in 1635 Boston Latin School, the oldest public school in the United States, was established.
On this date in 1635 a boundary dispute between Maryland and Virginia erupted into a naval skirmish off the coast of Virginia.
On this date in 1789 President-elect and Mrs. George Washington moved into the first presidential mansion, the Franklin House in New York.
On this date in 1896 the first public exhibition of moving pictures took place in New York City.
On this date in 1949 Governor Adolai E. Stevenson of Illinois vetoed a bill requiring cats to be leashed. In refusing to sign the bill, he noted, "It is in the nature of cats to do a certain amount of unescorted roaming."
On this date in 1954 Hank Aaron hit his first home run in the major leagues.
On this date in 1969 Robin Knox-Johnston completed the first nonstop, around-the-world solo sailing trip.
On this date in 1988 a federal ban on smoking during domestic airline flights of two hours or less went into effect.
On this date in 1989 Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar, professional basketball's all-time leading scorer, played his last regular-season game.
On this date in 1995 the US observed a national day of mourning for the victims of the Oklahoma City blast.

MEANINGLESS FACTS: Treason is the only crime defined in the Constitution of the United States... A normal person has 12 pairs of ribs... Flying a national flag upside down at sea is a signal of distress.

TRIVIA: What was the significance of a character named Dippy Dawg in a 1932 Disney cartoon called "Mickey's Revue"?

     "The slanderer and the assassin differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The former is worse that the latter, for the last only kills the body, while the other murders the reputation" (Tyron Edwards).

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Thanks to STAN KEGEL: Puns
Psychiatrists say a man shouldn't keep too much to himself. So does the IRS. (Beckie Shiles)
I just finished my income tax forms. Who says you can't get wounded by a blank? (Henny Youngman)
Visiting Washington D.C., Dana wanted to see the White House for the first time. At the gate Dana asked the guard, "Do we have to pay?" "Every April 15," he replied. (Marsha Coleman)
I never cheat on my taxes. I always let someone do it who knows how (Beckie Shiles).
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Thanks to ANDYCHAPPS: CHURCH NEVERS
6.    Never ask an usher to break a $20.
5.    Never do a cannonball in the baptismal tank.
4.    Never hold a church business meeting on Super Bowl Sunday.
3.    Never tell the preacher, "We love your church and we might even come back next Easter."
2.    During youth group activities, never bungee jump off the church steeple or play chicken with the church buses.
1.    After a soloist of impressive size sings "Love Lifted Me," don't follow with the hymn "It Took a Miracle."
And I might add: "Never thank God for the food and bless it to the nourishment of you body" during the offering prayer! Take my word for it , IT IS embarrassing, and contrary to public opinion, most do hear the offering prayer!
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From ANDYCHAPPS: A Hard Days Work
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
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Again from ANDYCHAPPS: Sex Education
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
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Thanks to ANDYCHAPP: Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down, refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven. -- Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
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Thanks (I think...) to M/M Riverrats (edited): -- For all the men who like to tell blonde jokes... the paybacks are here!
1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds eventually will mature.
6. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know. It has never happened.
9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
10. When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
11. Why are married women usually heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Tape the remote control between his toes.
13. What did God say after creating man? "I must be able to do better than THAT!".
14. What did God say after creating Eve? "Practice makes perfect".
16. Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says, "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says, "So she would love you!"
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ANSWER: Dippy Dawg had not yet acquired the stage name that would carry him through over 60 years of show-biz fame and fortune. Once he changed it to Goofy, the sky was the limit!
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Good Morning: It's Wednesday April 24, 2002!
BIRTHDAYS: James Pierpont (American composer noted for Jingle Bells), 1822; Leslie Howard, 1893; Howard Penn Warren, 1905; Evaline Ness (children's author), 1911; Shirley MacLaine, 1934; Barbra Streisand, 1942; Vince Ferragamo, 1954.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On this date in 1704 the first regularly issued American newspaper, the BOSTON NEWS LETTER, started publication.
On this date in 1800 the Library of Congress was established with a fund of $ 5,000.
On this date in 1833 the soda fountain was patented.
On this date in 1883 Jacob Ebert and George Dulty received the first patent for the soda fountain.
On this date in 1888 Kodak sold its first camera.
On this date in 1898 Spain declared war on the U.S.
On this date in 1913 the Woolworth building opened in New York City. At 792 feet, it was the tallest building in the world.
On this date in 1951 the Soviet Union applied to participate in the Olympic games for the first time since 1912.
On this date in 1953 Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II.
On this date in 1956 Willard Cravens caught a 360-pound, 9-foot-long white sturgeon in Idaho's Snake River. It was the largest freshwater fish ever caught with rod and reel.
On this date in 1962 MIT executed the first satellite relay of a TV signal.
On this date in 1967 Soviet Cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov was killed when the parachute straps of his spacecraft got tangled during a landing attempt.
On this date in 1970 China launched its first satellite.
MEANINGLESS FACTS: A swarm of fifty thousand bees weighs only about ten pounds... Fifteen million corncobs are utilized annually in the United States in the manufacture of corncob pipes... Whales cannot breathe under water. They have lungs instead of gills.
TRIVIA: What king gave a prophet 40 camel-loads of presents?
     "Latet anguis in herba." (There's a snake hidden in the grass.) Virgil, 70 - 19 BC).
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..........Twenty-Five Cents..........
I'm always one dollar short and one day late,
And the man on the phone says that he can't wait...
He must have his money and I'd better pay --
Or he'll come and take all of my things away.

I remember when life didn't cost so much,
We didn't worry about money and such;
It's true we had little, but we owed no man...
I'd like to go back... do you think that I can?

The wife may be sick or the kids have the flu,
That doesn't matter -- no excuses will do!
Pay up now, or else -- I dare not ask "else what?"
But, how can I give him what I haven't got???

"My pick-up needs tires, and my roof has a leak,
Don't you think that you can give me one more week?"
But he is unmoved by my genuine pleas ---
He just keeps on talking about the late fees.

Now, if I don't have what I owe him today,
How does he think that I'll be able to pay
More, come tomorrow -- why, it doesn't make sense!
A five-dollar bill aint worth twenty-five cents.
..........H. L. Gradowith..........
04-14-2002
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Thanks to LM: Shoeless Joe Jackson
Shoeless Joe Jackson, baseball great, left fielder for the Chicago White Sox and accused of fixing the 1919 World Series.
The 1919 World Series pitted the Chicago White Sox against the Cincinnati Reds. The White Sox were favored to win by 4 to 1 odds but the underdog Reds seemed to pull off a miracle, defeating Chicago five games to three (in those days, a team had to win 5 out of 9 games to clinch the Series.)
The truth came out the next year when seven Chicago players were indicted for fixing the game through their lackluster play. Among the seven was outfielder "Shoeless Joe" Jackson - one of baseball's greatest. At the end of the Grand Jury session that indicted the players, Jackson was surrounded by a group of boys as he emerged from the courtroom. One supposedly shouted "Say it ain't so Joe" and Joe responded "Yes boys, I'm afraid it is."
The players were ultimately acquitted - but professional baseball's image was severely tarnished and the game almost destroyed. It took pro ball's resolve to clean its own house and the bat of home run king Babe Ruth to finally save the sport. Shoeless Joe was never admitted to Baseball's Hall of Fame.
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Thanks to DS: Wisdom of Will Rogers
Here are some pearls of wit and wisdom from the great Will Rogers!
Don't squat with your spurs on... Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment... Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in... If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there... If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around... After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut... Never kick a cow chip on a hot day... There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works... If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'... Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco... When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson... When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else... The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket... Never miss a good chance to shut up... There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. By Will Rogers
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Thanks to PW: What If ...

What if you're right
And the Bible's not true --
So you can do what you want to do.
"Live it up now,"
For tomorrow you're gone,
And it doesn't matter
What you've done wrong.
You don't have to pay
For things you've done here --
When "you're dead, you're dead."
Why should you fear?
But --
What if I'm right
And the Bible is true,
And you didn't do
What it told you to.
What if there is a place called Hell,
In fire and brimstone?
There you'll dwell.
No matter how hard
You beg and cry,
You can never get out,
No need to try.
And it really did matter
What you believed,
And what truths from the Bible
You had received.

So, if I'm wrong
Take my ashes to scatter,
I won't know the difference,
It really won't matter.
But, if you're wrong
You've got reason to dread,
For you're lost in your sins,
And Hell lies ahead!

~Catherine Reese~
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ANSWER: Ben-hadad -- II Kings 8:7-9 -- "And Elisha came to Damascus; and Ben-hadad the king of Syria was sick; ...And the king said unto Hazael, Take a present in thine hand, and go, meet the man of God, and enquire of the Lord by him, saying, Shall I recover of this disease? So Hazael went to meet him, and took a present with him, even of every good thing of Damascus, forty camels' burden..."
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