Title: Occasional Depression

Written by: Phillip McMillan

Behind the poem: Well, I wrote this poem on Wednesday, May 22^nd. I felt sad and hopeless on life. I get this way sometimes.

Yeah, this is about how I feel
And I'm going to tell you all for real
This isn't about how I am physically
It's about how I feel emotionally
There really is no happiness
None that I can really express
Always pain, there is for Phil
Chance of stopping? I hope it will
Sometimes I wonder why I'm here
To help others from what they fear?
It's always them, I'm not important
A feeling like I'm an abandoned infant
I ponder how things will be in the future
How I will look or seem in a picture
Will I end up as one of my dreams?
Will I show a face that where confidence beams?
Or will I be passive and/or sad?
Could everything in my future turn out bad?
I wonder, I ponder, I always think
Happiness seems to be my missing link
I show the smile, the laughs do express
To hide that I feel it's all a mess
Though people may think nothing can get me down
They look at me and think of me as some fucking clown
What they don't understand, is that I'm already there
Feeling as though life is unfair
I hide my feelings from everyone
Like as if I were to always run
Running from the pain, the obvious attention
Gaining in other ways, not the ways I can't mention
Don't want anyone to know exactly how I feel
Makes me feel weak, loses all appeal
I like attention but not of the wrong kind
Making people happy helps me and my mind
I feel happy when others feel it too
But really, if I were happy, I wouldn't need to