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Tummy Ticklers |
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Humor is the essence of life... |
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*There
are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right
side. 30 Politically Correct Ways to Say Someone Is Stupid
A
Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he But
he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he HE WROTE : Most
worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much As
to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or What
do you say to the solemnization of our marriage celebration On
your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion, To
remain victim of your fascination. SHE
WROTE : Congratulation
for your lengthy narration of course full of You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what
about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve 2.
Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of 3. Procreation must not be your recreation. In
anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper
A motorist who had the misfortune to run a woman’s cat was extremely apologetic. “ I really am sorry, madam”, he said, “ I will of course replace your cat”. “If you like”, she replied,” but are you any good at catching mice?” "Waiter,
what's with this chicken soup?" Three half-deaf
ladies were traveling on top of an open bus. There was this Englishman, this Scotsman and this China man taking part in a balloon race from London to Edinburgh. As they floated northward, the Englishman looked down and sighed," Ah, my beautiful England! ". As they sailed over the border, the Scotsman looked down and sighed, "Ah, my beautiful Scotland!". So the China man threw a cup overboard and sighed, "Ah, my beautiful China!" The most miser man
in England stopped a taxi. "How much to the station?" he asked.
"Fifty pence, Sir, " said the taxi driver. "And how much
for my suitcase?" ." That's five pence", said the driver. "Tell me," said the hiker to the local yokel "Will this pathway take me to the main road?". "No, zur," replied the rustic, "you'll have to go by yourself!" Shortly after the plane took off, the passenger heard a reassuring voice on the intercom say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, you can now sit down and enjoy your flight. This plane is completely automatic- automatic pilot, automatic food services, and automatic landing devices. Absolutely nothing can ever go wrong…..go wrong….go wrong….go wrong…." Son:- What's the
definition of an archaeologist? The co-pilot had a very unfortunate name, and he was late. When he finally stepped aboard, the captain called" Hi Jack!" and most of the passengers tried to jump out. Sign at the
laboratory door:- Diner:- "Where
is the rum in this Rum Pie?" Waiter:- "Why
are you putting two spoons in your pocket?" Gillie:- Girls are
smarter than boys. Two boys were talking about the various illnesses and accidents they had suffered. "Once I couldn't walk for a year", said the first. "When was that?" asked the second. "When I was a baby" Sardars Hari Singh
and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a Our sardarji was
filling up an application form for a job. He promptly Santa Singh was
shifting his residence. He was packing his Santa Singh and
Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to Sardar Singh was
very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a Sardarji proposes
to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair A Sardarni went
into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you Once Santa Singh,
the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard Banta Singh went to
an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "I have a bad
headache. I'll visit the doctor." said Santa to Banta Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? Son : Well, where did you get mummy then? Lady : Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask f I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home. Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time. 'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy' 'What happened then?' 'We met.' Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Brighton in two days' time?' Post Master : 'Well it might do.' Customer : I bet you, it won't. Post Master : Why not? Customer : It's addressed to London. Man : How old is your father ? Boy : As old as me Man : How can that be ? Boy : He became a father only when I was born ! Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field Teacher : How ? Student : Ladies first Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg. Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to Wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash Basin' ". A Sardarji applied for an engineering position at a Punjabi firm based in Amritsar. A Pathan applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Surd and said, Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the Pathan the job". Surd: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab and me being Punjabi I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed". Surd: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, the Pathan put down on question # 5, "I don't know" You put down, "Neither do I". A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on Sardar: What do they get from that? Bystander: The winner will get a prize Sardar: Then why are the others running?! Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was Singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and Started singing again. Banta Singh: Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down.? Santa Singh: I am singing the B-side. Santa Singh and Banta Singh are employed in a computer hardware store as movers. One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Santa Singh being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Banta Singh is struggling very hard to lift his computer. At this Santa Singh says " What Banta, my computer has 500 MB Hard Disk and urs has just 250, even then u cannot lift it ?" At this Banta Singh thinks for a while and replies "That's right, but my HD is full and urs is empty" Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him What had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But.. What happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back." Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK!!!" The Sardarji Doctor to his patient: "It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain." The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his Ice-cubes before he put them in his drink. A Sardarji was in a nightclub in New York, dancing with a beautiful Woman. He whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and Whispered back, "I love you too!" There was a little pause, the Sardarji was thinking (??!!), then he whispered, "I love you three." A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was traveling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. his made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was ""There should not be last coach in any train." From an surd Newspaper Yesterday morning a Boeing 747 crashed in a Cemetery near Chandigarh. The officials announced that the reason for the crash is that too many passengers were on board." The rescue Party so far has retrieved more than 3000 bodies." One sardar came to madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices would be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. "Our sardar asked whether he will give two." In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. . Then how can U eat seven? ?" Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach? ?". She replied "Five". Then Zail told " God!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it" This Sardar traveling by train had the habit of oversleeping. He could never get up in the morning on his own. While Traveling by train once, he was worried that he may not be able to wake up in time to get down at his destination where the train reaches early in the morning. So he goes and bribes the TC with a 50 Rupee note to make sure that he is woken up in time. Then he again goes and reminds the TC not to forget to wake him up. Next morning he wakes up quite late and finds that the train has gone way past the station where he was to have got down. He just goes to the TC and beats the hell out of him. Onlookers ask the TC why the hell did he take all this beating from the Sardar. The TC says: "All the while he was beating me, I was thinking about the other Sardar whom I woke up from sleep and threw him out at that station. What if he catches up with me next time?" A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our sardar says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a Million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!" |