Sermon Prepared for Messiah Lutheran Church
7 PM Wednesday Night Lenten Service – 02/27/02
by Gregory S. Kaurin
Associate Pastor for Spiritual Care and Development
Text: Mark 10:17-27
The Sermon:
The Return
Call
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Set up: desk, a
phone-intercom, a Bible, some files or papers to look busy with, a golf
putter. A hidden person who will be the
voice of the secretary coming over the intercom. A loud “BUZZZZ” sound.
The lights come up with “Mr. John Pecunia” at his desk shuffling through
papers, looking board, and restless.
John: (after a few unsuccessful tries at
concentrating on the papers) Oh,
what’s the point?
(engages audience.)
It’s just the same old stuff over and over
again. You get to wondering… you
know—like, well what is the point—why do I push and push?
Maybe I’d be just as happy doing a 9 to 5 job—and
not have to worry about all this stuff.
I mean, honestly, as important as this here deal is—I know another one
just like it is coming—and then another, and another. But, a normal job—a normal life: Go fishing weekends, golf summer
afternoons. I might see my wife and
kids …when they’re awake for once!
(glance around, see golf club,
look away and back again.)
Golf. Well,
maybe for a minute.
(while putting) But you know,
really that’s the issue lately. Too
much of one thing. Life needs some
spicing up. A little this, a little
that.
I’ve worked my heart and soul into this
company. Got it up to speed, we’re
pretty solid. So I am trying to back
off a little on the intensity. Enjoy it
a little more, instead of feeling like each moment is so do or die.
A little work, a little relaxing—I remember
something from college (now that’s a surprise) some old saying: “Nothing in
excess” …or was it “Everything in moderation”?
Don’t remember…obviously I didn’t listen to that motto in college.
But I will now!
I got me some books, some self-help tapes that I can listen to in the
car. I’ve actually scheduled a vacation
this year. Some buddies of mine and I
will be meeting a couple times a month for golf. At home, I’ve just started a great wine collection. My wife and I have been able to go out to a
couple great restaurants—for good food, and some time together.
So, a little this, and a little that. Now that the company’s stable, my income is
pretty stable, I can enjoy a little variety.
That’s another one: “Variety is the spice of life.” Maybe that’s where I’m going to try to put
my heart and soul, now. You know: into
life—enjoying it, experiencing it.
(put golf club aside, sit
on edge of desk)
But, you know, I’ll be honest with you, even with
all this …”variety” that I’m trying and got planned, I’ve started to worry if
I’m just trying to distract myself from something that’s been kind of getting
to me lately.
Actually, it hit me all at once last Thursday. Really shocked me. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I was sitting there at my desk when my secretary buzzed me…
(Loud BUZZZZ sound. Startles John.)
Woh!
(holding heart) Yeah…just like
that. Sorry.
(Sit down and click the “intercom” button.) Yes?
Secretary’s voice:
Mr. Pecunia, there’s a Rev. Christensen on line one, returning your phone call.
John: Well, speak of the devil! (To audience) Oop…bad choice of words. (intercom)
I mean, it’s about time. Thanks,
Terrie.
(to
audience) You’ll have to excuse me. I
want to take this call; I’ve been waiting to hear from this guy since last Friday. You gotta wonder what these pastors do all
day during the week. I mean how long
does it take to write one sermon?
(pick
up phone, hit “line one”) This is John Pecunia. (pause.) Oh sorry,
Miss…we must have got the lines mixed.
(hit
the “intercom” button) Terrie, I
thought you said Rev. Christensen was on line one.
Secretary’s voice:
That’s what I said, Mr. Pecunia.
John:
(mimic secretary’s sarcasm, then smile:)
Well, then you made a mistake, Terrie, there’s just some woman on that
line.
Secretary’s voice:
(slight pause.) Mr. Pecunia, Rev. Christenson is “just some woman” …and she
is on line one.
John: (hesitatingly) oh. Uh, okay. (clear
throat) Thanks, Terrie.
Oh boy …this’ll be fun.
Ummm… hello, Rev. Christensen. Sorry about that …I’m sorry to sound like
such a chauvinist …but I’m sure it’s already very obvious to you that I
expected a man’s voice. —It totally
slipped my mind that the church is hiring people like you, I mean women, …I
mean ordaining women, …now.
(To audience) Can I dig any deeper?
I mean, I’m sorry…
and actually surprised you’re still on the
line. In my line of work—I would have
already lost the deal. But I suppose
they pay you to be nice, huh?
(pause)
Yeah—okay—well, I really don’t want to take up a whole lot of your time,
Reverend. Obviously, you and I have
never met, but I was raised in the church—actually, it was an old Lutheran
church back in Bismarck. It was kind of
an old fuddy-duddy place. Straight
back. Traditional. To be honest with you, I was usually bored
out of my mind quite a bit of the time.
As a kid, I understood the whole God thing, and, you
know, the good morals and values that they talked about. —I guess I just wasn’t
into all that other stuff, the rituals and the bowing and sitting and standing
…and the sitting and the standing and the sitting and the standing…you know
what I mean? It all was just so
serious—like c’mon lighten up a little, ya know?
Anyway—I went off to college, and I’m sure I sound
like a lot of people, but I didn’t really give the church a whole lot of
thought. I mean, I still believed in
God—I do believe in God—absolutely, no doubt.
And I would bet you that I can still recite the Ten Commands, that
Lord’s Prayer…and all those “I believe’s” that Pastor Grimmand drummed into our
heads in those confirmation classes.
So, all that has stuck with me.
And I do consider myself a Christian.
So, Friday morning, I saw your ad in the paper. In fact, I was pretty surprised to see that
that whole page in the paper was about religion! Didn’t think you guys got to say much in public. (pause)
It’s there every week? Huh. Guess I never noticed before. Anyway, your ad looked kinda light hearted
and laid back—a little more my style—so I tore it out, and decided to give you
a call.
But, I’ll tell you what happened—what made me call
you. I mean, my life has been going
great. I’m really blessed, you
know. I got a great wife, kids in the
best private school, a garage to park the cars, a big yard, and a nice
house. I own my own business—I mean,
I’ve put everything I have into getting where I’m at—and it’s finally paying
off.
I’m pretty happy.
With things so solid, I’m finally getting to enjoy everything I’ve built
up. In fact, I was just telling some
friends how nice it is to feel like I can spice things up a little now.
But then, last Thursday, I got a call from my
wife. She called to let me know that
one of our college buddies died suddenly.
…Yes, well thanks. Heart
attack.
…Yeah, it was a real shocker. I mean, if you would’ve seen him, he looked
in better shape than me, a year younger, too!
Well, Rev., you probably deal with this kind of thing a lot—but, well,
you know—this was the first time for me that it wasn’t just somebody else. And I know it’s kind of selfish, but I
realized that it could’ve been me. And
I started thinking about church and God, …and how long it’s been…
I guess I’m kind of like that one story. It was called the “prodigal son,” wasn’t
it? I was wondering if I ought to come
back a little. Except, I guess I’m not
standing here in the middle of any cornfield with a bunch of pigs.
Hey, that story never said anything about the
pig-owner, by chance, did it? I wonder
what you’d call a guy like me?
(pause) What was that? (pause) Oh yeah! Heh,
heh: the “prodigious son.” Pretty
funny, Rev. (whisper to audience)
Whatever that means!
Okay, well, I need to get to the point, anyway. I’m just calling to make sure that—you know,
that I’ve got things …lined up …in case anything happens to me, like it did
Bill.
I mean, I know I had my baptism. —Well, I don’t remember it. Like normal Lutherans, my parents had me
done when I was just a few months old— …but that’s supposed to stick anyway, right? Okay, thought so.
And then I did earn my confirmation degree—I think
that was in 8th or 9th grade.
I have even dusted off my Bible. Got it sitting here on my desk, and I am
going to start reading a little of it a bit now and then when I take some of my
breaks here at work.
But, I just wanted to make doubly sure that, you
know, things are kinda squared away.
I’d like to know I got all the T’s dotted and I’s crossed.
So, it might be a bit of a weird question, but do
you have any suggestions, any thoughts; is there anything I’m forgetting here?
(slightly longer pause) You’re not actually taking me up on that bet? …Really?
…All right. —I suppose you’re
probably trying to get back at me for my little faux pas with the phone line
things, eh?... Fair enough, fair
enough. Okay, the Ten
Commandments. Let’s see:
First, You can worship… Thou shalt not worship other
gods! That’s it, right!
Then second… Thou shalt not use his in vain. —ooh.
Well, I’m sure he knows I don’t mean him when I say that.
Then, thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy. –Well, it’s true, I haven’t gone to church
in awhile.— …but, you know what? I
almost never work on Sundays. That’s my
day to play golf or take it easy.
Umm… hmmm… I’m stuck. …Maybe you could feed me
one. (pause) Oh yeah—okay sure, no problem!
…My parents and I keep in touch and…let’s just say I take good care to
supplement their income…
Uhhh. You
know what, I think I’m drawing a blank…you know, kind of got me on the spot
here. Would you mind just kinda giving
them to me, one at a time?
(pause).
Well, we’re okay on that one; I certainly haven’t killed anyone …lately!
(pause).
Coveting. Huh-uh. Nope.
Never. You’ve heard it before,
I’m sure, but it’s definitely true here: My wife would kill me if I even looked
at another woman.
(pause).
Right, stealing. Well, believe
me, I get stolen from more than doing any stealing! But no, that’s bad for business in the long run.
(pause).
False witness? Nope. Ain’t never been dragged to court yet, knock
on wood. Oh, that one’s about
lies? (to audience, covering receiver)
This is getting a bit tedious isn’t it?
(back into phone) Nope, Rev. truth is very important to me. I mean, of course we all say those little
white lies… I’m pretty sure God doesn’t want us going around hurting everyone’s
feelings just to tell them the truth.
Just imagine what my wife would do: “Yes dear that skirt does
make you look fat.”
(pause).
Coveting? Didn’t you already say
that one? (pause) You sure? Well okay.
That’s all ten, then?
Well, that sounds alright—I could work on the whole
Sabbath thing. Maybe you’ll see me in
church… (wink at audience) but, uh, all that sounds basically okay.
Hey, isn’t there some kind of money thing, that
tithe thing? Isn’t that a command? You know, if money’s an issyue, I’d be happy
to help things out a little. …I can certainly
afford it! And, maybe I’m not attending
right now, but I really strongly feel that the church needs to be there, you
know. I mean, you’re an important part
of the community; you do great stuff for people. Really, you need to be there, ‘cause, truth is, we’ll all
eventually need you at some time or another.
So, tell me, is there something you guys need? Or I could make a donation to something
you’re doing. …You have any kind of
feeding program or something?
(long pause.)
What was that?
(long pause.)
You’re kidding, right?
(long pause.)
C’mon, Rev. I’m honestly sorry
about the way I answered the phone. I’m
serious about this, now. I could afford
quite a bit—and afterward, I’d be willing to send in a donation from time to
time.
(pause.) Look,
isn’t there some 10% rule? —‘Course I
know that’s in the old part of the Bible, but that’s a heck of a lot more
reasonable than what your saying!
(long pause.)
Mark 10:17, huh? Well, look,
Rev. Christensen, I can tell you’re not taking me seriously, here, so we’re
obviously just wasting each other’s time.
I need to tell you, though, you’ve got a strange way of taking care of
your church. And you ought to realize
that this is more your loss than it is mine.
So, well, good-bye.
(Loonngg pause…look up at the audience.) What an arrogant …! I guess you don’t dare call a pastor that
word. But can you believe the nerve of
that woman?
(sit on desk corner) I spilled my guts to her. You heard me. I showed her that I’m hurting here, and, on top of that, I said I
wanted to do something to help …her!
She obviously has no idea who she was talking to, ‘cause I was willing
to go pretty far here. More money than
she’s probably ever seen at one time!
I mean, all you have to do is look on the library
and museum walls here in town! And the
theater. My name is plastered all over
with all the donations I’ve made to this town, …and she treats me like I’m some
greedy jerk!
You know what she said to me? She said, the only way that a guy like me
can buy his way into heaven would be to give up my business—give it away—along
with my house—give everything away—then give myself to God, to Christ!
(stand) Is she some kind of nut? She thinks she’s so high and mighty sitting
there in that church. But I bet you
that she’s got a car, and a home. She’s
drawing a paycheck. How stupid and
hypocritical. No wonder I gave up on
the church, with people like her!
(look down, see Bible) And then she tells me to look
up a Bible story! What’d she say? Mark 10:17, I think. Okay, Miss Rev. Christensen, I’ll humor you,
and let you seal your own fate by insulting me one more time.
And all of you can witness this with me? The last insult: Mark 10:17
(Optional play within a play: silent
actors while John Pecunia reads)
[Jesus]
was setting out on a journey when a man ran up, knelt before him and put this
question to him, “Good master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus
said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know
the commandments: You shall not kill; You shall not commit adultery; You shall
not steal; You shall not give false witness; You shall not defraud; Honor your
father and mother.” (pause)
And
he said to him, “Master, I have kept all these since my earliest days.”
Jesus
looked steadily at him and he was filled with love for him, and he said, “You
need to do one thing more. Go and sell what you own and give the money to the
poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” (pause,
humph.)
But
his face fell at these words and he went away sad, for he was a man of great
wealth.
Jesus
looked round and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have
riches to enter the kingdom of God!”
The disciples were astounded by these words, but Jesus insisted, “My
children,” he said to them, “how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is
easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle (that’s weird). It is
easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone rich to
enter the kingdom of God.
They
were more astonished than ever, saying to one another, “In that case, who can
be saved?”
Jesus
gazed at them and said, “By human resources it is impossible, but not for God:
because for God everything is possible.”
[Living Bible.]
John: (close book) Okay that’s
enough. I don’t really know what point
Jesus was trying to make with that guy, …but it seems insulting enough that the
Rev. would associate me with that stingy fellow. Suggested right there that his problem was that he loved his
money and possessions. Would I give
away as much as I have, would I offer to give still more to her church if I
loved my money? I’m no Scrooge!
As impossible as it might have been for him, I can
see that this guy needed to hear that from Jesus. But I am not this fellow!
What she was asking of me was way beyond reasonable. Like asking me to join some kind of
cult.
Give it all away!
I mean, I have put my heart and soul into this company. Everything I have went into building it
up. I have worked and worked to make
myself into who and what I am today.
People already know and respect me for all I’ve done, and what I do for
this community. My heart and soul, I’m
telling you, is right here! Everything…
It’s all… right…(pause)
My whole heart and soul…
(softly, slowly) Everything I am…
(look slowly around, lower and close eyes) God forgive me…
(bring down lights).
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