The tension's getting to me
eyes are looking all around
goin' crazy just to figure out their thoughts
goin' even more crazy with all of this sound
are they wathcing me constantly?
analyzing every move, every gesture, every word
i feel so different, like i'm not part of the herd
I try to hide and go away
but that may make things even worse
for fear of looking really stupid
i feel as though i'm under a curse
are they watching me constantly?
I'm practically frozen and got no more mind
so i try to blend in and be very kind
But it doesn't work
and everything backfires
a bitch, a slut, a jerk
'bout to bite through all the wires
And then i turn around and they're still looking at me.
03/16th/03
The restless accusations are pondered to the point
Where the blame is often taken from the doubt of what's the truth
When everything seems to take advantage of you, you curse
Oh why, Oh why have i been chosen as the 1st one to be nursed
And laughed upon; all of your efforts are in vain
And there is no gain.
04/8th/03
Restless #2
He stares up at the ceiling, heavy in his thinking
What to do next, he asks, and rubs his aching temples
What to do when you can't even stop to make
A decision carefully and clearfully planned out
It never stops, it keeps on going and going
Now, even sleep is interrupted from the restless
Questions and pushing decisions for authority
He closes his eyes and dreams of far away
Where he can rest for the rest of time in peace
And i lay there in comfort, hoping i'll get the address
04/8th/03
This was written about/for someone who's going through a rough time and i understand him.
What is this problem in my head i cannot dare explain?
For i do not have all the answers or mind of being sane
It storms up in my head and i can't catch the thoughts
It's like the misty fogged material of a silky purple moth
It runs around my body, itching all the way
It eats up all my insides, and i start to decay
I cannot keep it in me, for people wonder me
But i can't rant it either, it's not as bad as she
They say to talk to people, to go and see a shrink
So then i get a number, but now it makes me think
What i need is not a shrinker or a doctor or a nurse
What i need is all my freedom and some luck because i'm cursed
What i need is someone by me who'll hug me when i'm dying
But they fade away by saying i'm not trying, but i'm trying!
Cause i don't say what i'm thinking, i can't say it all so clear
So the others take it badly and it all becomes a smear
I fear, that i'm going to lose them all and they won't see
What i truly wanted to say and how i wanted it to be
Don't ask me any more questions, u know i can't just answer them
I guess i'm scared to say it all, I guess i'm scared that
You'll deny all my answers again like all the others
Or is it just me?
April 9th 2003
So many are not gonna get this (the right way)..
