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I have a tendency to overanalyze everything that I do and say
to try to find hidden deeper meanings. It is a way for me to learn more
about my subconcious and to better know how I will fair in any given situation
before I'm actually faced with the situation.
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Melodramatic? Um.. yeah. I fight it as much as possible but
I still tend to make things out to be more dramatic, more shocking
and generally more important than what they are. I believe this is
partially due to unfullfilled fantasies of being an actress and partially due to
not getting enough attention when I was a youngster.
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I'm ok to talk to if we are discussing general topics
but few people ever get passed my surface level. I'm heavily guarded
and anyone who has broken through
will tell you that there's so much more that I DON'T say.
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My parents split when I was roughly six or seven years old. My father remarried
and so I grew up with an older step-brother, older step-sister, younger step-sister and
my younger full-blood brother. My mother (whom I don't see) also remarried
and graced me with a younger half-brother and half-sister.
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I cry. A lot. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm simply overwhelmed,
I cry when I'm pissed off, I cry when I see something sweet and I cry for no reason at all if
I'm premenstrual.
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I'm a very independent person. I think for myself, make my own decisions,
and I have control of the remote even with a husband.
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The bathroom is the cleanest room in my apartment. Even though first
impressions are usually of the livingroom, I feel that you can tell
how clean someone is by looking at their bathroom. Anyone can shove clothes
and magazines into a closet to get rid of clutter but it takes
some work to keep the toothpaste out of the sink and the hair off the floor.
Who would want to sit on a toilet that's gathering scum?
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There are very few people that can keep my attention. I tire of people very easily.
If I'm not absorbed by you, I'll probably forget to call and quit asking you
to do things together and eventually our friendship will
fall to the wayside. It's not that I don't like you, it's just
that I've exhausted your possibilities for longterm. However,
if you are one that intoxicates me, expect me to want so
much of you that my efforts become mistaken for clinginess.
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As creative and as talented as I am in the arts, I can't sing a note for the
life of me. My vocal stylings are left to moments of driving solitude where I
can keep the windows up and the music cranked. (oh, and that 1st place I received
for my vocal solo in 8th grade? What was that woman THINKing!? You should have seen
my Freshman year choir instructor's face after he asked me to sing the scale unaccompanied.
NOT one of my most graceful moments.)
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Procrastination could very well be my long lost middle name. I always
put things off until it's almost too late to get it done. For instance,
I could write out a check for a bill, seal it in the envelope,
address the envelope and stick it in my purse a week ahead of the due date
but I guarantee, it will be late because I will put off going
to the post office for a stamp.
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In all the tragic personality flaws that I have, I keep
my sense of humor. Instead of becoming embarrassed when I
say or do something stupid, I laugh. Finding humor in ourselves
is important to keeping a low stress level and feeling healthy.
Mahatma Gandhi once said "If I had no sense of humor, I would
long ago have committed suicide."
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Of course there's always more to say and I love to talk
about myself with the right person. I'll just let you email me
if you've gotten through all that and still want to know more.
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