ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:03:41 PM): we should have a kid, Natsu
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:06:08 PM): it would be so pretty
natsuki_chan_dj (11:07:58 PM): i am sorry...
natsuki_chan_dj (11:08:13 PM): i lost one...i do not think i could handle it if i lost another
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:08:28 PM): i know but i promise you won't this time
natsuki_chan_dj (11:09:27 PM): i don't know
natsuki_chan_dj (11:09:49 PM): i don't even know you, and it would be difficult to get to know you because of my father
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:10:04 PM): gosh
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:10:05 PM): that hurts
natsuki_chan_dj (11:11:11 PM): i am so sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:11:19 PM): there are a lot of things wrong with him
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:11:29 PM): like what?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:11:42 PM): he is paranoid schizophrenic
natsuki_chan_dj (11:12:07 PM): he thinks everyone on the internet is a pedophile with an asian fetish 
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:12:14 PM): lmao
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:12:23 PM): he has to be fucking kidding me
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:12:51 PM): man that's some ignorant shit
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:13:51 PM): stand up for yourself, Natsu. like whoever you want to like
natsuki_chan_dj (11:16:19 PM): oooh, you have no idea how difficult that would be
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:16:32 PM): heh, i do it
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:16:33 PM): it's not that hard
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:17:10 PM): but you'll be 18 soon so you can do whatever you want
natsuki_chan_dj (11:17:28 PM): my father is very very strict.
natsuki_chan_dj (11:17:34 PM): plus, it wouldmake him sad, and
natsuki_chan_dj (11:17:36 PM): ...
natsuki_chan_dj (11:17:45 PM): i do not think he will make it much longer
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:17:49 PM): so is my dad but he can't tell me who the fuck i can or can not date
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:18:13 PM): natsu, you're about to be a grown ass man
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:20 PM): i did not mean to break your heart!
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:22 PM): :(
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:27 PM): _hug-
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:18:35 PM): *walks away*
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:42 PM): awww
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:46 PM): i am sorry!
natsuki_chan_dj (11:18:49 PM): it is not my fault!
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:19:14 PM): yeah it is
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:19:21 PM): i care about you but you don't feel the same about me
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:27 PM): i can not help it
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:30 PM): i don't like people
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:33 PM): not like that
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:39 PM): it isn;t only you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:42 PM): it is everyone
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:19:46 PM): you liked Hana
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:52 PM): but she left me
natsuki_chan_dj (11:19:57 PM): she moved to hiroshima
natsuki_chan_dj (11:20:04 PM): and i have not loved anyone since then
natsuki_chan_dj (11:20:13 PM): she was the only one i ever loved
natsuki_chan_dj (11:20:19 PM): i am sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:20:23 PM): yeah but she has moved on so should you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:20:46 PM): i tried.
natsuki_chan_dj (11:20:59 PM): but the most i ever felt for someone else was friendship
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:21:43 PM): *looks away sadly*
natsuki_chan_dj (11:21:57 PM): i am very sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:22:17 PM): i have hurt many people before, but i can not just force myself to love someone that i do 
not love
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:22:33 PM): haha you think i love you?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:24:07 PM): perhaps not, but i do not think things last very long or well if someone does not love 
someone
natsuki_chan_dj (11:24:18 PM): and if you do not love me, then it would not work at all
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:24:31 PM): in time, i could
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:25:56 PM): only if you allow me to
natsuki_chan_dj (11:26:57 PM): -sigh-
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:27:08 PM): what is it?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:28:53 PM): i do not want to hurt any more people.
natsuki_chan_dj (11:29:01 PM): but if i try, it hurts me
natsuki_chan_dj (11:29:14 PM): i told you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:29:26 PM): i am not a good person in a lot of ways
natsuki_chan_dj (11:29:32 PM): there is a lot wrong with me
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:29:35 PM): i don't care
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:29:36 PM): neither am i
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:30:04 PM): i only judge by heart and i think you're a nice guy
natsuki_chan_dj (11:31:04 PM): i am glad for that...
natsuki_chan_dj (11:31:16 PM): but i still can not help but feel bad
natsuki_chan_dj (11:31:38 PM): i think i have made you sad because i can not love you as more than a friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:31:53 PM): haha i'll get over it
natsuki_chan_dj (11:32:22 PM): promise that you will be happy?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:32:36 PM): how can i be happy when i feel like no one cares about me?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:33:30 PM): i do care about you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:33:34 PM): but only as a friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:33:55 PM): so you don't think you could like me anymore than that?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:34:10 PM): i'm telling you, Nat, if you choose some White girl over me. i will never forgive you!
natsuki_chan_dj (11:34:27 PM): i will not choose any girl over you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:34:39 PM): because i will not choose anyone at all 
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:34:54 PM): *even sadder*
natsuki_chan_dj (11:35:43 PM): :( i am really very sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:35:59 PM): so what we done last night, the hugging and kissing, was nothing?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:36:44 PM): i don't know :(( i'm a boy i'm eaisly confused and work myself into traps really easy plese 
don't be angry with me
natsuki_chan_dj (11:36:53 PM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:37:17 PM): i was feeling something, when we did say those things
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:37:28 PM): or perhaps i'm just a stupid girl who always fall for guys' games
natsuki_chan_dj (11:37:55 PM): -bows low- i am so sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:38:08 PM): please do not make me beg forgiveness
natsuki_chan_dj (11:38:15 PM): it is so difficult to stop
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:38:32 PM): naw don't beg. i really wish i could tell you how i feel but what good would it do?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:40:10 PM): i don't know...
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:40:30 PM): me either
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:40:40 PM): *sad and heartbroken*
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:41:04 PM): "when you want all the love you deserve, when the heat is on your mind"
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:41:10 PM): sad love songs, gotta love em
natsuki_chan_dj (11:41:35 PM): i'm really really sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:41:38 PM): please don't hate me
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:41:47 PM): i don't hate you, baby:((
natsuki_chan_dj (11:42:38 PM): -hug- 
natsuki_chan_dj (11:42:46 PM): i am sorry that i have made you sad
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:42:57 PM): a lot of guys have made me sad
natsuki_chan_dj (11:43:22 PM): but i really wish i could make you happy though
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:43:29 PM): how can you do that?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:43:36 PM): i don't know
natsuki_chan_dj (11:43:46 PM): that is the part i am no good at
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:43:59 PM): i'm sure you can think of something
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:44:09 PM): what i want is to be held and told "i care about you"
natsuki_chan_dj (11:44:36 PM): but i do care about you...
natsuki_chan_dj (11:44:39 PM): you are my friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:44:53 PM): *sighs*
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:44:56 PM): i'm always a friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:45:09 PM): i'm not good enough to be a wife or a good mother
natsuki_chan_dj (11:45:40 PM): i have no doubt that you are every bit good enough, it is only that i can not force myself
 to feel things that i do not feel
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:46:10 PM): wanna know something?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:46:20 PM): sure
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:47:58 PM): i grew up, being in love with the Japanese and the Japanese culture. all i wanted,
 ever since i was like ten, was to be married to a japanese guy or girl. but all i've gotten, this past five years, was 
hate, mistreatment and racism from asians. they practically made me feel like i wasn't good enough. it's a shame how i
 feel that way now. i thought you'd be different.
natsuki_chan_dj (11:48:52 PM): i know and i am really really sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:49:04 PM): i mean no hate mistreatment or racism towards you
natsuki_chan_dj (11:49:27 PM): i want us to be friends, but i am practically dying i really want you to forgive me
natsuki_chan_dj (11:49:32 PM): you have to understand
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:49:42 PM): how are you dying?
natsuki_chan_dj (11:49:52 PM): i don't know what to do
natsuki_chan_dj (11:49:56 PM): my head hurts
natsuki_chan_dj (11:50:11 PM): i am panicking i do not want to lose a friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:50:48 PM): do you really see me as a friend or what your father you "some pedophile after asian"?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:50:55 PM): **your
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:50:58 PM): said
natsuki_chan_dj (11:51:54 PM): i see you as my friend, of course!
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:52:04 PM): yeah you're just saying that
natsuki_chan_dj (11:52:17 PM): please don't do this
natsuki_chan_dj (11:52:20 PM): :(
natsuki_chan_dj (11:52:26 PM): i really want to be your friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:52:34 PM): i'm not trying to hurt you, i'm just saying how i feel
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:52:40 PM): i really like you, more than just a friend
natsuki_chan_dj (11:52:47 PM): how can i help it if i do not feel a certain way?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:52:52 PM): i was willing to tell you that i wanted to have your child
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:52:56 PM): but you don't want that
natsuki_chan_dj (11:53:51 PM): i'm so sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:54:41 PM): i was going to make you happy
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:54:59 PM): but it seems like you, you like being  unhappy and alone
natsuki_chan_dj (11:56:32 PM): i'm sorry :( i just don't want anymore to hurt about
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:56:51 PM): i would have made you happy, Natsu
natsuki_chan_dj (11:57:12 PM): i'm really sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:57:36 PM): i should turn gay, since i am not getting any luck with guys at all
natsuki_chan_dj (11:58:48 PM): i'm sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (11:59:03 PM): i know you must get tired of hearing me say that, but it is true
natsuki_chan_dj (11:59:14 PM): i am unspeakably remorseful.
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:59:32 PM): i can't sense that you are or not
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:59:33 PM): i know that i am
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (11:59:39 PM): i am extremely hurt
natsuki_chan_dj (11:59:41 PM): i really am
natsuki_chan_dj (11:59:48 PM): i am so sorry that you are hurt
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:00:21 AM): i asked myself to get the last guy out of my heart but here i am, liking 
another guy who doesn't like me
natsuki_chan_dj (12:02:40 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:03:15 AM): i'll be your friend but how i feel probably won't go away
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:03:19 AM): **feelings
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:03:25 AM): oh damn
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:03:33 AM): i can't even type, i am so sad
natsuki_chan_dj (12:08:25 AM): if you want to, you can love me as more than a friend, but i still can not force myself 
to feel a way that i do not feel 
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:09:08 AM): but you won't love me back
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:09:16 AM): that's what hurts
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:10:03 AM): i probably can't replace hana but i could love and do more for you than she could
natsuki_chan_dj (12:10:24 AM): i know, and i can not tell you how sorry i am, but i still can not change things...
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:10:39 AM): you don't want to change things
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:12:05 AM): that's why you're so hurt and angry with yourself because you keep blaming 
yourself for what happened you and your miscarriage, when it wasn't even your fault
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:12:45 AM): i'm telling you, Nat, you just can not give up on life because of that
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:12:49 AM): you'll have another baby
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:12:59 AM): you have plenty of time to do all of that
natsuki_chan_dj (12:13:42 AM): :(
natsuki_chan_dj (12:13:53 AM): i can not help but feel it was my fault
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:13:59 AM): it's not!
natsuki_chan_dj (12:14:08 AM): i was the one who knocked her down the steps
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:14:19 AM): it was an accident
natsuki_chan_dj (12:16:00 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:16:08 AM): stop blaming yourself
natsuki_chan_dj (12:16:13 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:16:18 AM): accidents do happen
natsuki_chan_dj (12:16:18 AM): i can't help it
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:16:30 AM): you'll have another baby
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:16:36 AM): hopefully, you would, with me
natsuki_chan_dj (12:18:55 AM): if i did, it would only hurt you even more
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:19:04 AM): how?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:19:21 AM): i would have to leave again
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:19:30 AM): leave where?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:19:35 AM): america
natsuki_chan_dj (12:19:41 AM): my home is in japan
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:19:49 AM): yeah i know
natsuki_chan_dj (12:20:01 AM): and even still
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:20:08 AM): i wish i could have been able to see you
natsuki_chan_dj (12:20:16 AM): when?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:20:29 AM): anytime you want
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:20:32 AM): i'm always her
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:20:33 AM): here
natsuki_chan_dj (12:21:18 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:21:26 AM): why?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:21:31 AM): i don't know
natsuki_chan_dj (12:21:44 AM): i have an inferiority complex or something
natsuki_chan_dj (12:22:07 AM): i always feel like everything is my fault and i have to apologize, because i never feel
 like i am sorry enough
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:22:28 AM): baby, you have nothing to be sorry about
natsuki_chan_dj (12:23:34 AM): >_< see?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:23:38 AM): i almost said
natsuki_chan_dj (12:23:40 AM): i'm sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (12:23:51 AM): i'm sorry that i apologize for everything
natsuki_chan_dj (12:23:55 AM): :((
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:23:57 AM): you shouldn't
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:24:08 AM): not everything is your fault and baby, i wish you would understand that
natsuki_chan_dj (12:24:20 AM): i try
natsuki_chan_dj (12:24:42 AM): but it seems that i can never convince my self of anything
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:25:01 AM): i want to make you happy
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:25:48 AM): *comes closer*
natsuki_chan_dj (12:32:30 AM): :( i would be happy if i could be sure that you forgive me
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:32:58 AM): but you hurt me
natsuki_chan_dj (12:34:13 AM): i know
natsuki_chan_dj (12:34:21 AM): and i am really really sorry about it
natsuki_chan_dj (12:34:37 AM): i know i hurt people a lot, and i wish i could change that, but i can't
natsuki_chan_dj (12:34:44 AM): it would hurt more if i lied to you
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:35:25 AM): so what i wanna know, if you feel absolutely nothing for me? *cries*
natsuki_chan_dj (12:35:38 AM): :(
natsuki_chan_dj (12:35:48 AM): i have only just met you
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:36:19 AM): yeah but you said that you'd never feel anything for me
natsuki_chan_dj (12:36:36 AM): i can not feel anything more than loving you as my friend
natsuki_chan_dj (12:38:08 AM): i am really sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:38:15 AM): ok Natsu
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:38:18 AM): :|
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:41:02 AM): i guess you've made my cake and i should eat(accept how you feel)
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:41:08 AM): **it
natsuki_chan_dj (12:41:27 AM): i'm sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (12:41:57 AM): can you bring yourself to continue to be my friend?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:42:05 AM): yeah
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:42:56 AM): i really thought you were different though. you sure fooled me
natsuki_chan_dj (12:43:08 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:43:38 AM): i just can't help how i feel though
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:43:48 AM): loving someone who doesn't loveme
natsuki_chan_dj (12:44:23 AM): i'm sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:44:38 AM): stop apologizing
natsuki_chan_dj (12:44:55 AM): i can't help it
natsuki_chan_dj (12:44:57 AM): :((
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:45:02 AM): why are you crying?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:45:04 AM): it's just how i am
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:45:39 AM): are you cryin?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:45:43 AM): ...
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:46:00 AM): what did i tell you last night about (.....)?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:46:17 AM): it makes you sound slow
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:46:31 AM): right
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:46:46 AM): so why are you crying?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:47:20 AM): i don't know
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:48:06 AM): well stop crying
natsuki_chan_dj (12:48:21 AM): i am really sad because i do not want to hurt you but it seems i have hurt you very badly
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:48:35 AM): yeah you have but i'll get over it
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:50:28 AM): you can't at least, hold me?
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:54:36 AM): i guess that's a no
natsuki_chan_dj (12:54:55 AM): i don't know what to say
natsuki_chan_dj (12:55:09 AM): i feel like i am digging myself into a hole that i can not climb out of
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:55:25 AM): why do you say that?
natsuki_chan_dj (12:56:12 AM): because i always make people sad, and when i try to make it better, it awlays comes out
 the wrong way and it hurts them even more
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:56:35 AM): try and make me feel better
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:57:17 AM): stop holding things back
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (12:57:21 AM): say how you feel
natsuki_chan_dj (1:00:07 AM): i want to be your friend. i like you, and you are a wonderful person, from what i know of
 you, but i am really a wreck. i try not to hurt people, but i always end up doing it anyway. i wish i could make you feel
 better, but it only gets worse. i am so sorry. i can not express how sorry i am, i never ever feel sorry enough for the 
things i do i could cry an ocean of tears and still feel the need to cry a thousand more for hurting you i really truly 
want you to feel better, but i don't know how i am so sorry
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:00:54 AM): aww Natsu>:D<
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:01:24 AM): you make me want to hit you
natsuki_chan_dj (1:01:38 AM): i feel i would deserve it
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:04:01 AM): you like me but you can't tell me how you feel
natsuki_chan_dj (1:05:11 AM): i want you to be my friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:05:21 AM): ok and i will be your friend
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:05:33 AM): it's just shocking to see a very handsome young boy seem so down all the time
natsuki_chan_dj (1:06:00 AM): i'm sorry
natsuki_chan_dj (1:06:07 AM): i'll try to be happier for you
ab4wbbadazzcarameloreo (1:06:08 AM): stop it