If you won't acknowledge me
Then FUCK YOU!

Before I even get started. I just wanted to let you all know that I do not give out my real name over the internet. I usually go by names like Amber, Mariah or Evalyn. Any other names than that, is fake. I'm only on the following sites: Yahoo, MSN, Myspace, Findapix, Black Planet, Vampire Freaks, LiveJournal and Greatest Journal. I am not apart of any other sites, than those.
Name:
According to some Gothic site, my Gothic name is Crimson Moon...

Age: Twenty
DOB: December 8th
Sexuality:
date Feb.06.2005 17:28
from trap_muzick2000 save to address book block report abuse
to Caramel0re0Baby
category general
subject
message So was a pansexual?
Illiterate fucker I am an ex pansexual. I am a lesbian but I am into transsexuals as well. The ones who are guys but turned themselves into females. Now, I can dig that. I used to be kinda crazy about gay men but I have a change of hearts. Dev would brag all about her gay male friends but how come, whenever it came to me, I always get the idiot ones. I can dig that you aren't into women but save all that hating for the women who done you wrong because I haven't done anything to you. I am sick of all men in general. I hate em! I got tired of waiting on a good man to step to the plate and tell me Lycan, you are my life, I love you. You're everything that I ever wanted in a woman. You are my heart, soul and my queen. I want you to be my wife, the woman in my life, the mother of my children. I'll be that man that you've always wanted. Ugh... I am attracted to Asian women only. Even though, I think a lot of them, are a bunch of sellouts. And as for that question Why did you turn gay? As some have stereotyped gay women as angry women, loving other women to get back at men. Which is wrong, however, there is a reason for everything. Some people were, in fact, born gay. I was not, I was born bisexual. But I've decided not to become bisexual anymore. There is a good men shortage, in my opinion and there's a lot of gay tendency denying ass men in this world, who hurt women. I can't handle that. But I do fit that stereotype. I did turn gay, because I got tired of men. Ok, big freaking deal. I am very much attracted to women, even though I don't show it. I feel that I don't have to. You can only take so much and you'd get tired of it. So, I moved on. But what I hate, is angry men talking shit about lesbians. Grow up, man. Because you know that deep down in your heart, that you are gay too, if you enjoy more oral stimulation. Just my opinion though...


Men suck because they are selfish cheating liars, who only hurt the women who truly love them and worship the ones who despise them.

Ethnicity: I'm mixed with a variety of races but I'm not like Tanya or Jeanette, claiming every race but Black. Sad shit. I am Black and proud of it. So what if I am mixed, when people ask me what I'm mixed with, I put that I'm Black first. It's sad how mixed people want to deny that they're even Black. It only confuses yourself and makes yourself look extremely stupid. I don't owe America anything so I will tell everyone that I am Black and love it, in the process. I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Fuck you self hating losers!

Our culture, especially Egypt, has such an amazing background, why wouldn't anyone claim it? Do you have any idea how many Whites, and even Asians, wish they were Black? You are sad...

Location: I don't really, well, I don't, give out where I live. Because I know that there are lot of people out there, who'd love to find me, so they could rape me or possibly kill me. I mean, that's how sad people are, when they take online too seriously...

Subhuman: Half Werewolf and half Vampire. Also, demon. Because of Nemesis Reigns

Relationship Status- I am single and staying that way. I'm just waiting on the right one... Not to lose my virginity to, but marriage and stuff.

Hobbies: Draining energy, music, dancing, singing, being to myself, going online, creating websites, moderating my groups and message boards, frowning at people who stare, and more.

Spare time: I normally come online or I'll sit outside in the hot sun. I don't mind getting darker. Anybody would tell you that dark skin is beautiful. Sometimes I'll write letters or watch some tv. I draw too. Only when I have something to think about...

Currently working?: Nope, Louisiana is lacking in support of jobs. But I may be working at the local library.

Talents: Drawing, designing, singing, dancing and just have a mind full of creative things. I will be publishing a book real soon...

Movies:

Music: I like Kanye West, Mary J. Blige, Linkin Park, Good Charlotte, Greenday, Switchfoot, Eminem, D12, Twista, Christine Milian, Jessica Simpson, Crossfade, and much more I know that their music is preppy but I like listening to all types, don't hate.

Actors: Sean Connery, Colin Farrell, Paul Walker, Heath Ledger, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Taye Diggs, Wesley Snipes, and more

Actresses: Halle Berry, Angela Bassett, Loretta Divine, Monique, Angelina Jolie, Michelle Rodriguez, Eva Mendez, Milla Jovovich, Jennifer Lopez & more

Comedians/Comediennes: Dave Chapelle, Cedric the Entertainer, Sommore, Chris Rock, Chris Tucker and more

Likes: Death, Destruction, Pain, Serial Killers, The Insane, seeing people suffer, suppressing people, talking down on people, belittle people, walking over doormat people, fucking with peoples' minds, my website!!, fantasizing about taking people lives, frowning at people, turning my head at Black men, being friendly to White people in front of Black people(tehehehe)

Dislikes- people who fled into this country-not knowing an ounce of English(fuck is wrong with you? this should be your first priority or better yet, you should have learned the language, before you came here!), heterosexuals(fuck you homophobic jackasses and get a life), my associates(those slutty little bitches need to be beheaded!), people who get abortions from sleeping around (while they were sucking out your helpless child, they should have sucked out your heart and stab it thirty fucking times!!!), kids(stop staring at me before I transform into a werewolf and eat you alive!), Black pride(what's the point, you'll always remain poor so get over it!!), people with homosexual tendencies(if you're gay, be proud of it. It's no use hiding it and killing people with your nasty ness), teen pregnancy & sex(If you were my child, you know what I'd do? I'd hang you in our backyard and let the wolves feast on your corpse!), religious people(THERE IS NO GOD!!), people who join my groups because they're desperate(turn off the computer and find someone, it's not that hard), Vampire Freaks & Dark Starlings(both of those site suck ass. Full of hypocrites-both Black & White They act like everyone hates them, when they're the ones who hate themselves. The White people on there can write harmful and derogatory things on their profiles, let me write something on there and they don't want to talk to me anymore. I'm just trying to fit in. Fuck both of those sites. I'm not wasting my money on some goddamn profile on someone else's website, like those stupid White people. I'll take that money and fix up my own fucking site.), (I'll keep this updated) See, I'm not a sugar coated person. I don't keep nothing back from what's on my mind...

Favorite Video Games- Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Mario, Donkey Kong, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Dark Watch, DOA, Tekken, Pacman, and many more

I grew up, the youngest child of the bunch. I became an aunt, the day I was born. Thanks to my slutty sisters and brother. I wasn't like the rest of my family. I was weird. I'm used to being labeled as weird. Which is why it doesn't bother me when Blacks call me weird. I think Black people are weird. I chose to embrace the Japanese culture. I've always loved their culture. But in the process, I still cherish mine and never forget where I came from.
I have a lot of bizarre things in my room. I have a purple wand, cassette tapes with video game music-my voice-music from my keyboard, my old Barbie dolls, and many other novelties. Every now and then, when I am feeling thoughtful, I would sit down and listen to those cassette tapes. And I could just sit and imagine myself, as if I was still thirteen years old. Especially, whenever it's raining and cool, I would listen to the tapes and stare outside. It sooths my mind, even when I'm hurt. It makes the pain go away. It's sad how I can be my own therapist. I live inside of my own fantasy world. When I want to get away from reality, I step into what I call "Stepping into the Darkness." I have my own happy world or evil world. Whenever I fall in love with a celebrity or with someone who I like, I would step into the darkness. I would picture myself with them, holding them, kissing them, even having sex with them. I live in a fantasy world, where no one can harm me or judge me for being different. Where there's no God, no Blacks, no sluts, whores or hardly anyone. It's just me, and that person. I'm married to them in my mind but when they break my heart, all the dreams and fantasies goes away. And I'm left hurt, empty and stricken. Like someone took my heart out and stabbed, so I could watch my own life die, right before my eyes. And I'm left with the "what ifs" and "maybe I should haves." Which is a reason why I've given up on men, forever. I can not change who I am, to fit in with anyone. I'm done with explaining to everyone, why I am the way I am. Why are you the way you are? You can spend your entire life over nothing, trying to fit into others fantasies. I have my own style and I'm keeping it.
But, back to my fantasies. I have such a wild and vivid imagination. I'm mysterious and nothing imaginable. Since I've grown up into an odd lifestyle, I've always wanted to run away. Here's a secret, I was suppose to have ran away about seven years ago. My associate Kendra and I, were suppose to leave and go to California.
My favorite color is purple. Almost everything I own, is purple: makeup, clothes, stuffed animals and jewelry. I love purple! Anything from plum to creamy lavender. To me, purple is a symbol of virginity and innocence.
Kendra and I used to be really good friends. We used to do everything together. Now, it just seems like we're two different people. She has become wild. When we were younger, we used to flirt with this cute White boy. He already had a girlfriend but it didn't stop us. We used to run into him, touch him, speak, flirt and wave to him. He didn't mind but his girl was tripping. I remember a Black guy telling him that he has Black girls liking him. He would blush every time we messed with him.
I'm not one of those females who act like they can't live without friends. Since I've been out of school, I haven't associated with anyone, except Kendra and Crystal. The other so called friends that I had, abandoned me but it didn't bother me. They weren't valuable assets in my life anyway. I was better off without them. I got tired of all the judging. I'm proud to be weird, nothing can ever deject the way I am.
I don't understand how folks think that my lifestyle is weird and bizarre. Just because you don't understand me, doesn't mean that you should criticize it. I dress in black, like a girl and like a guy. I have an androgynous lifestyle but this is who I am. I can't help that I like cross dressers, drags and transsexuals. I'm into vampires and the supernatural. It doesn't make me weird, it makes me different.
My lesbianism. I can be honest and admit, that I am not a true lesbian. There are times, when I do think about guys. The strange thing is, it's not just any guys, feminine men. I don't want to identify myself, as a bisexual. I don't like the idea of bisexualism. I have been bisexual, all of my life, until early 2005. I really love women, but there are times, when I just think about guys. I don't want to be with a guy though, I want to be with a female. I like lesbian porn and I love the sight, of seeing two beautiful women engaging in sex. Since my incident with Kouju, has drove me to execrate the male species, like I have before. I thought I wanted to give guys another chance, but it seems like they don't deserve me. From my experience with men, it was always me falling in love with them and they mess things up for me, in the most severe consequences ever. I just can't see the likes of men, in my future or in my children's future. I plan on becoming a single mother.(read below) I can only see myself with a woman, from now and on...
In the near future, or should I say, in about a year or so, I will be moving. I will be saving up money, to adopt a Chinese infant from China. As much as I despise Asians, I will love this kid, as if it were my own. In hopes, it doesn't grow up and become the sellout that the majority of them are. I'm grateful that I won't have to worry about White men, because all they would want to do, is turn my poor kid into a slut. I know White people are serious Asianphiles, and they say Blacks are. FUCK OUTTA HERE! Nothing scarier than an insecure, mental unstable ass White person, who only wants to marry outside of the race, because their own don't want them or in efforts to brainwash the person of color into thinking the White life, is the right life. *smh*
Since, I am a psychic vampire, I do have premonition. I do not care, if you do not believe me. You White people, don't believe anything but are the main ones crying out that you've seen a UFO or Count Dracula. Well, believe it or not, every now and then, I would have a premonition, about anything and everything. Even death, it happens. ooooooo you're so weird yeah, but just stay out of my way before you end up next. I have a tendency of running my mouth a lot and it just flat out, scares the shit out of people. But, I don't care though. I can say what I want...

Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
I do tend to keep myself from other people. And I can sense other people's evil ness. After all, I am a psychic vampire. I don't trust people. But I think that's an anybody sense. Yeah I do, challenge my friends. That's why Amanda stopped talking to me, with her sensitive ass. She got mad at my status on Yahoo. I do carry very long grudges. Like I said on the online posers and fakes page that I have people who I haven't talked to in years on there.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
I do avoid any type of relationship. I barely show any type of emotion. Especially when my mood ring displays this, tehehee. The jobs that I pick do have a lot of people around. I think as long as they don't disrespect me, then I'm cool with them. I don't need anyone's acceptance, fuck people, once again. Yeah I am a loner.
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
I do seek isolation. I've been like that during school and online. I do sense people around me or when they're about to come in contact with me. People do think that when I talk, they don't understand me.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
I'm not a criminal. At least, not yet. I am aggressive and I do tend to care about my own feelings, than others. But who the hell doesn't?!
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
I'm moderate on this one so I'm cool.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
I have to admit, I am quite manipulative. I could care less who loves me or not.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
I am really picky about friends. You have to go through a lot of steps, to be worth my time. If you settle for less, than, you are no where in my league. I don't respect whores and they're like the only people who I won't associate with me because they make me look bad. Truth, I do take advantage of people who are not on the same level as me.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
I do fear rejection. I deal with that a lot. And I do worry about embarrassing myself in front of others. lol man, I do fantasize a lot. If only it was real. I don't need anyone to tell me to grow up. You can go suck a dick. We all live our lives differently. Yeah I am depressed and have a little self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Hmmm, I think sometimes I do cling to people so I won't lose them and end up doing it anyway. I used to jump from relationship to relationship. I tend to get into verbal abusive relationships. Sometimes I do feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
Yeah I do expect everything to be right. And sometimes I do fear making mistakes when I make decisions. And I think that's all I can write here.
Paranoid Schizophrenia
Confusion - I get confused a lot. I even confuse myself.
Inability to make decisions - I can be like this sometimes. I never really know where to start, when I do things.
Hallucinations - Yeah, I do a lot of that.
Changes in eating or sleeping habits, energy level, or weight- There are days, when I eat a lot, there are days, when I feel like I don't want to eat at all... I sleep in different times. My energy tends to change a lot.
Delusions - Hmm.... Maybe that too.
Nervousness - I get nervous a lot.
Strange statements or behavior - Yep, as you've read on this site, I do state strange statements and my behavior is strange.
Withdrawal from friends, work, or school - I don't need friends. Although, I do like my job.
Neglect of personal hygiene - I'm guilty of that too, sometimes.
Anger - I stay angry
Indifference to the opinions of others - Yep, I don't give a shit about what people think.
A tendency to argue- Yeah, I do argue a lot.
A conviction that you are better than others, or that people are out to get you- I do think I am better than people, sometimes and I know for a fact, that everyone is out to get me.

Where you can find me at:

You have to join Greatest Journal to read that journal.
My Black Planet Page


Dark Eternity on Bolt.com
My Tagworld Profile
My Space Profile