History 201: Traveling History
The road trip. One of the best things in life.
Nothing better than just driving and seeing where
you end up. Then again, having a destination and
actually knowing where you are going is good too.
Depends on your mood.....

July '92
Here ya go, the mother of all roadtrips. Let me give you the setting. Three 18 year old girls (who had just graduated high school) driving from the Mississippi River to an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Hehe, you can see the problems already....

We left the house at 4:00am, guess we were a tad bit excited, huh? Everything went well until we hit Indiana around 8ish. There was a van full of pre-pubescent boy scouts, hence you have to play with them. So we blew a kiss to the lone awake boy scout. Then moved ahead to the next van which had a very cute leader driving it. They also had a barbie doll tied to the grill of the van. We decided to communicate with our fellow travelers via paper and marker. I started out the communication with "you kill barbie, we kill boyscouts..." needless to say we had a great conversation for the next half hour.  That was when the van sped up and we were driving beside the first van again.  This time they were ready and prepared (being the good boyscouts they were), by hanging condoms out the window. They were 12!!!

Somewhere around Indiana we also picked up a friend whom we called "the mountain man". From Indiana to Pennsylvania, "the mountain man" who was driving a car from Montana, followed us. If we stopped he stopped.  All the same gas stations and restuarants. Was nice to know that if we ever needed the help we were sure that he would be the first one there.  Of course, my knife had also found it's way to the front seat of the car also. Unfortunately we were not able to communicate with our mountain man in any other way besides him following us, through 3 states, I must add.

We arrived in south-western Pennsylvania around 6 pm that nite.  There we stopped at Pizza Hut feeling that we needed to rest for a bit. The rest part was due to the fact that everyone was doing the driving except from Jen. She refused to drive since it was a stick. Eventhough, I had just learned myself....so she was the only one who was rested throughout the entire trip. Anyway, Jenn and I needed the rest. (Not to confuse, but there were two Jens on the trip, Jen and Jenn.) While we waited for the pizza, I was hungry and wanted a cracker basket, but since our waitress decided that we couldn't have one, I decided to get one myself.   I excused myself from the table and went over to a table that had a basket, asked for the time, took the basket and came back. The people didn't even notice, but our waitress was confused.  We ate our pizza, in which I fell face forward asleep in mine (think that only happens in the movies? wrong.), then we left.  From the comforts of the backseat I listened to Jenn and Jen tell me horrible bed time stories...no mother goose are they!

When we hit northern Virginia it was about 10pm and we decided to get a hotel room. The first one we stopped at was an Econo-Lodge. Who refused to let us stay cuz we were not 21, they still refused after I yelled at them for 10 minutes. So we moved on to Hotel #2. This hotel was on fire. There were fire engines and ambulances all over the place...my comment to this was, "Think about it this way, had we stayed there we would've been toasted oats. But we didn't, so we are still fruit loops. I mean, we are all part of God's cereal bowl you know".  Oh yeah, delerium was a major factor going on here.  Hotel #3, looked like a bate's motel from hell. As Jenn went inside to see about a room, Jen was hiding in the back seat from the dealer and hooker who had separate parts of the parking lot. So I start talking, "Hey Jen, the dealer is coming over here...wonder how much for a dime bag..." She starts yelling at me from under her pillow. "Here he is, hey bud? how much for a dime?" I ask as I open the driver side door.  Jen pops out from under her pillow using it to hit the person who is entering the car (who happens to be Jenn) while screaming.  When she realized that it was Jenn and not the dealer from hell, she starts screaming for Jenn to get in before the dealer gets her. Meanwhile, Jenn is giving her the most horrendous look while I am in tears laughing hysterically in the front seat.  Needless to say, even though there was a room available we didn't stay.

Hotels #4 and #5 were also completely booked. By now we are half way through Virginia. As we stopped in at Hotel #6. We got devastating news.  All the hotels on our highway were booked for at least 2 hours down the road.  All because of a golf tournament. Which by the way, I hate golf.  We kept ourselves busy by making up naughty nursery rhymes, which I will spare you from.  We arrive in Virginia Beach at 4am. 24 hours from when we left. And of course when we stop, there are no vacancies. So we sat outside the bathrooms at the hotel trying to figure out what to do. We were only 1.5 hours away from our destination, so were thinking of driving through. I came up with this brillant idea of asking the guy if we could sleep on the couch in the lobby for a few hours, but came back cursing about hotels and golf.  The guy working came back to us and before he could say a word, I started yelling at him about kicking out 3 homeless teenagers in the street (I was a bit delerious and stressed), he shut me up by saying that he found us a hotel down the street. I replied by crawling over and kissing his shoes. Jen helped me out to the car while Jenn got directions.

Happy we were on our way to Hotel #7 which had room for us! Well, we kinda got lost on the way.  And lost wasn't a good thing. We were lost in an area that made Southside Chicago look like Mr. Roger's neighborhood.  There were "kool-aid" stands of people selling drugs, and others walking around freely with guns. And here you have 3 girls in Illinois plates driving around...nope, couldn't tell we didn't belong.  Alas, we did find the hotel and fell asleep instantly, after jumping on the bed of course. Well, you have to do it, it's a hotel!

Just for the record the next morning we did make it to our location safely. Even though I tried to convince them to go to NYC instead. We were there, there was an exit, why not? Their response, cuz we didn't have a map and didn't know where we were going. Stupid logic, don't you agree? If you were in an area you don't like, don't stop. I don't think it would've been any different than where we turned up in Virginia Beach.....

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August '94
After sitting at Denny's for too long, Tim, Derik and I decided it was time for a roadtrip. So we brainstormed places to go. North: Canada, South: Graceland (Tim is a big Elvis fan), West: Colorado, and East: NYC. So we all disperced to our homes to get what we needed, then met up again. While I was home, I left a note for my mom stating, "Dear mom, The evil Derik and Tim monsters have kidnapped me. I think they are taking me to Canada cuz Graceland is too far. Will be home by Tues at 5am." This was my safety note. Knowing how much my mom loves both Derik and Tim, how ever could she get mad at me for leaving two days before I was supposed to go away to college? So I met up with Derik and Tim and we decided to kidnap a friend to go with us. So back to Denny's we went. I went inside, grabbed Kelly and her purse, saying that I had to talk to her. We got in Derik's car and took off. Kelly was quite confused, until we explained that we had just kidnapped her and were going to take her to Canada. Then she started yelling at the other cars in which we then had to gag her in front of those cars...hmm...wonder if the police were getting calls that nite?

So off we headed on all these really dark side roads. Derik convinced us that he knew where he was going, we didn't have a clue. All we knew was it was really dark and kinda spooky. So we were all planning who was going to play us on the made-for-tv movie.  We arrived in Madison, around 4am.  And decided that the capitol building would be a good place to play.  So we climbed the pillars and the stuff, then ran through the grass (cuz the sign said not to walk on the grass, so we ran instead).  As Kelly and I were running around the building, unbeknownst to me, there was a guard who was following us. Derik watched the guard turn the corner just was we had, like one of those bad comedy specials.  After a while, we got bored and decided to look for cheese. We were in Wisconsin, so we had to buy cheese. But, there was none to find so we headed home. When I walked in the house at 8am that morning, my mom just started laughing. See how leaving a note that includes her favorite people can get you off the hook? She asked where we ended up and then I went to bed.
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January '93 (notice how none of these stories are in any type of order??)

Twas a chilly January eve, when Jen and I caught a ride to a concert with some friends Chad and Mike.  Chad had the type of car where we really weren't too sure if we would make it there, but since I knew mine wouldn't, we opted for his.  It was also the type of car, that we had to notify him if we were smoking, otherwise he would think that it was on fire. Now that the info on the car has really nothing to do with the story, I will continue.

We parked at the very top of a parking garage (even though there were parking slots available closer to the bottom, we had to park at the highest level possible, cuz it was "the best". It's Chad and Mike's logic, don't even try to figure it out), which was also about a half mile away from the arena.  Well, not far out of the garage, I slipped on the ice and fell on my knee.  When I got up I realized that I had a hole in my knee (really!).  Chad asked if I was alright, and I responded to, "I have a hole in my knee," his response was, "I see that."  It was this type of attitude that continued throughout the evening.  After deciding that I could walk on it, we continued.  Jen and MIke were ahead of us, so I continued to inform them that I have a hole in my knee, their response was, "Sure you do, hurry up, it's cold."  ahhh...so have such loving friends is truely a joy in life!  By the time we got into the arena, I was slightly peeved at the fact that I have a hole in my knee and the only one who believed me was Chad. So as we entered the arena I screamed, "I have a fucking hole in my fucking knee!!!" while pointing to my knee.  Jen screamed finally realizing the truth, and the ticket taker at the arena heard the whole thing, then grabbed me by the shirt through other people and threw me down on a step and said "stay!", I just sat there in awe of his ability to take control of a situation.

Soon my friends joined me and we were all in awe of this very cool science experiment thingie that was now my knee. (gross stuff coming up, if you don't like, scroll down!) I had cut my knee right on the edge of the fatty tissue and muscle. So you could see everything. And the fact that it only bled two drops of blood (I know this cuz it stained my boots), was even more cool, cuz you could really see everything.  So all four of us are sitting around poking (gently) at my knee, in complete awe.  In the crowd, we see two people running with a wheelchair, and I thought, "wow! somebody must really be hurt!", well there were for me! So I sat in the chair and away we went, knocking people in the ankles cuz they wouldn't get out of our way. I almost had one cute guy in my lap, that was nice! Anyway...as two men helped me into the first aid room, Chad and Mike are dancing around in circles screaming, "We're the first accident!!" As you can see, they were proud of my actions.  Meanwhile, I was inside trying to convince the people to  put in butterfly stitches until after the show, although I knew that wasn't possible.  When the men who helped me in the room walked out Chad and Mike asked how I was, the men replied that I was a bit dizzy. The boys' reply? "We know that she's a blonde!" Then they came in to offer their support by saying at the same time (and no it wasn't planned, they just share a brain), "Hope you don't die!" After realizing that my arguement of butterfly stitches was losing, they sent me off to the hospital.

As I got in the police car, I commented, "Wow! I've never been in the front of a cop car before!" The helpful policeman just laughed. Then I asked for lights and sirens, cuz I never if I was ever in a cop car again, with lights and sirens, I wouldn't enjoy it. So even though he said it was against the law, he did it anyway. What a guy!  When we arrived at the hospital, there were 4 people outside with a wheelchair waiting, for me suprisingly. They ran me through the hospital (seriously, they were running!) and got me in a bed. As I was sitting there, an older man walked by, looked at me and yelped. Then he took of running.  Confused, I just sat there and laughed. He soon returned with a blanket "to help cover me up", I guess he didn't like the all-too-short- and see-through dress I was wearing. Meanwhile I can hear the staff screaming about "hurry up!! We have to get her back to the show!" And I was thinking, "wow...such nice people!" They had me x-rayed and stitched up (42 total; inside and out) in 45 minutes and back at the concert. Nothing takes 45 minutes at a hospital, especially this one, it was at this point I realized that they thought I was performing at the show, not just an attendee. Hell, I didn't care, got me out and back at the show. In which I only missed 15 minutes of it! It seems like the story should end here...but it doesn't. sorry.

After the show, we went back to the car, which was parked in "the best" parking spot. On the very top level.  And it didn't have an elevator.  So I had to walk up 7 flights of stairs, needless to say it took a while.  Then, here is the best part, I got to ride in the front seat of Chad's car!!! This is an amazing fact knowing Chad and Mike, they never allowed a woman to ride in the front when both of them were together, so I was special and Mike bitched about the back seat all the way home.

When we got home, I put the hospital papers on the kitchen counter then went up to tell my mom, knowing that if I didn't tell her, she would freak when she saw them the next morning.  So I went into my parent's room and said, "Mom, I have 4 words for you: knee, blood, hospital, and gun". Well, of course after hearing that she flipped. So I told her the whole story. At the end she was still screaming about the gun and who got shot.  So I explained, the cop who took me to the hospital had a gun. I then got hit with a pillow. I tried to explain that it wasn't so bad, where as before you thought someone got shot, i just fucked up my other knee ( I had blown my other knee 2 years previous in a skiing accident). Needless to say, my mother didn't see the logic in that and sent me to my room. Yes! I can proudly say that I was sent to my room at the age of 18.  How many people can say that? But then again, how many people would want to say that?

Interesting side note, when I returned to the same arena 4 months later, they all remembered me and I was taken on a tour of the first aid station, so everyone could say hi.

Alrighty, although this was mainly an "injury" story, I felt that since it happened on a road trip, I could qualify it for a road trip story.  Can you see the logic in that? If you can, then you are better than my mom.
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