History 401: Miscellaneous History
What we have here is stuff that just doesn't have a home anywhere else.  It doesn't involve the law, caffeiene or traveling. It just exists...sometimes unfortunately...

September 1999
Ah, the joys of a good old fashioned bridal sacrifice.  Nothing like a group of women dressed all in black wearing crowns of black roses to celebrate a marriage.  I jetted off to the local Spencers to buy 3 vibrators for the traditional 10 gun vibrator salute.  Only to find out an hour later that one I had bought for a friend wasn't working!  Agh!  The agony!!! Now this could not be allowed, so back to Spencer's I went, Jen decided to come with just for fun.  We walked in and I put the broken vibrator on the counter and said, "this doesn't work, we need one that works."  Jen is behind me saying, "Yeah!  We have 8 angry women waiting for us!"  So we grabbed another and put the batteries in it at the store to ensure it's working ability.  Based on the amount of laughter from the man behind us, I think it's safe to say it was quite a sight.  But, due to our relentlessness, we were able to find a working vibrator and the 10 gun salute went off quite well.  That and the rest of the ritual, which had something to do with condoms and bananas, but that's all I am at liberty to say. :)
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October 1999
Just another night at the local drag show, right?  Can I just say that nothing is "just another" around here??  The show was quite entertaining, as always.  But I had seemed to catch the eye of a particular queen.  She had serenaded me twice, and my friend commented that I should tip her.  Which I thought was a good idea at the time.  So I walked up to the stage with my dollar.  She took the dollar and my hand and started rubbing both against her crotch.  No matter how hard I tried, she would not let my hand go.  I was molested by a drag queen!!!  When she finally released me, I went back to my table where my friend (who's great idea it was to tip her) was laughing hysterically.  One would think she had it planned....
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June 2000
Wow...I think this is my most recent entry in any of the histories...anyway, here's the deal.  As I was exiting our newly opened planned parenthood facility, there were two older women walking down the street.  One was carrying a big crucifix on a stick, the other had a gigantic picture of the virgin mary.  They stopped right in front of my car and started to pray, probably for my soul.  As I started my car, The stereo kicked in nice and loud playing "kooler than jesus".  I just stared at my stereo in shock, then looked at them and just started laughing hysterically. This was not planned, and could not have been planned any better! Call it a karma kickback for the Christian Coalition or just great fate, either way it was completely classic!
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December 1997
Jen's parents had bought me a little mermaid cell phone as a Christmas present. After driving around and pretending like it was a real phone, we came to the conclusion that it made an excellent ray gun.  Upon returning to Jen's house, I sneaked into the kitchen in my "James Bond" pose ( I had perfected these moves after 4 years of working in the toy department at target). Anyway, I crept through the kitchen, and jumped into the dining room in a crouched pose and started shooting my ray gun.  To my complete horror, Jen's parents had company.  Something I wasn't expecting.  They all just looked at me with a completely bewildered look on their face.  As I stood up, completely embarrassed (which doesn't happen too much) Jen's parents introduced me and told them I was a kindergarten teacher, which got an even more surprising look on their face. I said hi, then ran from the room.  As soon as I left, they all started laughing hysterically.  Sad part is, 3 years later, the couple they had visiting still ask about the crazy kindergarten teacher with the ray gun.