| GOTH WANKER! |
| And the loser is... |
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| WyldKat |
| Well, hello again everyone, I'm back with an idiot that I juat can't believe I didn't stumble apon before. But then again, it's kind of good that I had the other wankers to build up my wanker tolerance or else I may have had an unfortunate incident involving a bottle of barbituates and a bottle of vodka after seeing this shit. *Stretches arms* So here we go... "Welcome to the world of WyldKat" greets her website. Hmm. I'm fine until I scroll down and am assaulted with WyldKat's butt-ugly likeness. "Well gee, if that isn't the sexiest thing I've ever seen..." I mumble while trying to keep the nausea down, and at this point decide to refer to her ass "WideAss". I always enjoy the look of sexiness attempted by the fattest of wankers. The dripping blood borders definetly help. Yes darling, if you stick your chest out, flash out your ugly facial features and put that constipated look on your face, no one will notice that fact that you are a fat, stupid, ugly sow. I mean hey, I'm fooled. Anyhow, after my gag reflex settles down, I decide to read and see what words of wisdom dear little WideAss has decided to bestow apon us. "...well, my life revolves around 4 things.......Jay, BDSM, My kittens and shoes!! I am a Domme, a fetishist, BBW, Goth and a little girl at heart, (blah blah blah, seriously, isn't that just so cute? Isn't she just so unique? Don't you just want to slap the shit out of her? Yeah goth, I'm so gothic I'm a useless fat copw who for some reason felt the need to make everyone suffer by puting up a website about my useless self.) I didn't want it to be the traditional dominatrix website with whips, chains and commanding text (as I am far from traditional) My way of life is not for everyone, but this gives you a peek at me and my world." Uh huh. Has no one clued WideAss in as to what a dominatrix is? Or did she hear Marilyn Manson say the word once and thought it was cool? Far from traditional? If by "far from tradional" you mean fat and silly, then yes, I would agree. But you certainly are keeping in the tradition of Goth Wankers everywhere by sucking, being stupid and having a crappy website that assaults the eyes with shit. Seriously, how old are you, 15? *pounds head against computer screen*. Ah look, the website is dedicated to "My Beautiful Jay (who by the way, like WideAss, has a stupid nickname "kaoskitten" *wretch*) who without I would not survive the big bad world. I love you angel...always xxxx". Jay's probably her pet goat who she rapes on a regular basis.Okay, onto the bio... "I am a 15 year old goat raper". Just kidding, it doesnt' say that. Rather it gives such insightful gems such as the fact that WideAss is "bigger than Kate Moss and smaller than Dawn French!" Wow, what a clever way of saying "Gee, I have a fat ass!" Wow! She even gives her bust size, which is great, because I definetly give a shit.! Wow! Great! Against my better judgement, I decide to check out her "images". And in true goth wanker fashion, WideAss here presents us with a page of nauseating, yet strangely comical, pictures of herself in "gothic" poses. Before you look at her "images" though, be warned: if you have a weak heart, asthma, or a keen sense of fashion, the consecutive vomiting and uncontrollable laughter caused by this page may kill you. Just to give you taste of WideAss's delusions, here's the quote from the above picture "This is one of my favorite picture of myself,even though the submissive nature of it, I still feel it's a strong image, showing the power of submission" blah blah blah. Would you like to know what I think of this picture? I think it's my second-least favorite picture of WideAss, second only to the heart attack inducing shot of her showing off her insanely large nipples. I mean, how the hell can nipples be fat? The wonders never cease. Even though the completely pathetic and cheesy nature of this picture, I still feel that it's a stronge image, showing exactly what I mean when I say "goth wanker" or "15-year-old goat rapers shouldn't be allowed access to computers". The power this photo shows is the power goth-twinkies like WideAss have to makes us vomit. Anyhow, seeing as how the bottom of the page tells me that the next page contains nudity (oh my! *sings* rebel, rebel...), I decide that I can't handle the sight of WideAss's, well, naked ass, and so I return to the main page to look at "fetish". Wow, there's a dictionary explaination of what "fetish" means. Gee WideAss, thanks for clueing me in, I had no idea. Wow, pictures of her fat legs with ugly, skank shoes from her "collection of over 50 pairs" Isn't that special? No, you're right, it's boring as dirt. Damn, there's nothing under "BDSM", it's still under construction. Really, we're probably all better off for it, as who knows what health problems WideAss's takes and explainations of bondage would cause. Imagine if there were pictures of her! No wait, don't. Imagine Ville Valo naked. Oh yeah. Hmm. This website is lame. The only way it could be worse would be if WideAss claimed to be a pagan vampire whose totem spirit was a squirrel and dressed up in crotchless monkey outfits on the weekends. And even then, it would only be slightly worse. |
| This Goth Wanker brought to you by the letters C, G, the number 5, and Gutter |
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