Hello.  Well, Im guessing by your expression you ain't never 
seen a webpage this fancy before.  There is actually, underneath, 
a very fancy complex assortment of content and design managers, 
a kooky hash table of data collected from the very skin on your 
face, and a parser that takes the very position of your eyeball to 
calculate the very position on the screen which your eye sees and then
calculates where each letter should be on the screen, respectively.  
Brain bandwidth is taken into consideration.  So, in fact, what you see 
is not a screen of text at all, but in fact one letter at a time, 
with a fuzzy logic matrix of data generating a fractal that behaving 
exactly like the image of text from outside the side of your eye, to 
deepen the illusion of a full page of text.

Well, now that I have all this bullshit technology at hand, I may 
as well use it to stimulate my crotch.  I'm not wearing a bra.  
I am a man.

Well, I'm in my flat, my apartment, my shitbox, frustrated.  
Have you ever been to Aberdeen in Scotland?  Well, let me 
give you an idea.  Take a large canvas.  Not even canvas- 
get a piece of plywood, paint it dull grey.  Then when dry,
 lean your head against the wood and let your eyes blur out.  
Stay there in that exact position for 24 years.  You have now 
recreated the concept of living in Aberdeen perfectly.

It's all written.  I won't get out.  I have 3 years of diaries.  
I call them Paper Aeroplanes From The Granite Cage.  What a great 
title, huh?  You wish you were here.  I can smell the stink of 
your want.  Well.  

I'm sure I'm not well.  An environment has a lot to answer for.  
There is only so much one person can accomplish without aid or means.
There is a thing I call Aberdeen Fog.  When you stay away from 
Aberdeen for some time, it gets out of your skin, this fog.  You 
dry out.  You get ill for around a week until it seeps out from 
your liver and from your stomach and heart.  When you come back it 
tries to get back in.  Seeps right in there.  If your strong you'll 
resist it for as long as you can.  If your lucky you can leave.  
Most die.  You know those evil spirits on the Final Fantasy film?  
The fog is just like that.  This is all scientifically imagined.

This was the first installment in my new page of slop.  Come back 
and read about what the hell I did that day you were off doing 
something alien and new with your rich rich lives.