well i went to new mexico and went backpacking in the mountains for 2 weeks. i will put up pics of that when i get around to it. i have homeschooling now, yay i guess im really bored and i miss all my friends. i miss playing football and doing wrestling. i have been working and doing schooling. oooo ooo oo i have met this incredible gorgeous woman last week, well i havent met her yet hopefully i will this weekend. Her and I have so so so much in common i dont know what to think, its like we are start crossed lovers, but i wouldnt say that just yet, cuz 1 we havent met yet, 2 i dont know how she feels about me yet, i mean i know she thinks im hot and has a sexaul attaction towards me, but i dont know about the emotional attaction, how she truely feels about me yet. but i do know that i really do want to have a relationship, a strong one and i dont want to go to fast and mess it up. well im done for now but i will be entering more often now.

10-26-05

well i feel like i have been tossed away with the trash,no1 called or gave me any messages on my birhday yesterday, i was just forgotten, im only worth something when someone else needs help or is in distress. i pick people up and help them learn to walk again, but wheres my help? what about when im in need. no i am to be forgotten when i am no longer needed. but thats fine, i will live with it, i just dont have the emotional strenght i normally have, i have too much too fast on my shoulders at the moment if it wasnt for that i wouldnt mind people forgetting me. im qutie used to it really. all i really want is to be loved, i have had to be so strong for some many. but while im a stone my heart dies. i generally have the resolve to deal with such times, but i want to open my heart to someone, its been so long and i am in need of someone special to fix it. but that person i will never find, i am doomed to unhappiness. is it so bad to just want to be loved?? i care about so many people even if i dont really know them, i know think that is my problem....my friend nathan told me this a long time ago,"terrance you care too much, why should you care about something or someone when all you should be worried about is yourself. just let people care for you and you care for you." im not like that tho, but my problem is that i do care too much. maybe i should just turn to stone, i wouldnt be hurt by anyone. and its not that im really hurt right now, its just i feel so helpless and i cant handle the disappointment right now, anyother time yes but not right now. not while my defenses are weak and and my emotions are wild and uncontroled. well i think i must find some solution to my sorrow before i fall to deep and cant climb back out.

11-27-05