goodbye

Last night I said goodbye to a man I have known all of my life.

From the time I was born, this man had been a constant source of
strength, an anchor in my life. He, by his example taught me what it
means to be accountable and responsible for one's own actions. It
was he who encouraged my insatiable thirst for knowledge.

This man was not a physically large man, but his presence filled
every room he entered. He was a man who had mastered his own
destiny. He did not forcefully dominate his world, he was a center
of gravity. To all of those who were lucky enough to fall within his
orbit, he was a man who inspired respect, devotion, unquestionable
loyalty and great love.

I listened last night as strong, proud men who had known him as a
friend and brother for over 40 years wept unashamed as they paid
homage to this incredible man.

He built his business up from the ground, traveled the world and
always his heart was committed to his Home Stone and those who
shared it.

He was a "man's man," sharing with his friends his two favorite
joys....... booze and broads.

He was also a "woman's man," making every female who crossed his
path feel her beauty and know her femininity accutely without ever
diminishing her own strength and power.

In the span of 83 years, this man lived ten lifetimes. Life to him
was a precious gift, an incredible banquet to be experienced as
fully as possible. His life was lived with passion and he had a
talent for wringing every possible ounce of joy out of every moment.

As a businessman, he was successfull beyond most people's dreams,
and yet he was never too busy to give his undivided attention to
those whom he met. Respected and admired by those who did business
with him, he knew every employee who ever worked for him by name. He
knew their wives, their husbands, their children, their parents.
They were family.

This man was comfortable in any group. One winter evening in his
home, I recall serving drinks (he taught me to make a mean martini
at age 9)and making sandwiches for the men as they played poker into
the night during a snowstorm. One was a corporate lawyer visiting
for the weekend, another a rock musician friend of his son's and
another, a truck driver who had wandered in to use the phone when
his rig broke down in front of the house.

From the first moment that I looked up into those twinkling blue
eyes, and let that deep voice embrace me, this man owned my heart.
As a child, I followed him like a puppy, sometimes enjoying a place
of prominence on his lap as he conducted his busines. As I grew
older, I was allowed to "fill in" for his personal secretary when
she went to lunch, although at the time I was blissfully unaware of
my secretarial shortcomings. (My typing has since improved) He
never once complained, although the Governor was a bit miffed to be
put on hold by an 8 year old.

This man guided me gently through adolescence, allowing me to
experience the usual "growing pains," while always knowing that I
was loved. He encouraged me to find my "personhood," and to express
what is in my heart. He fueled the passion that burns within me to
learn and absorb and experience every moment that life has to offer.

He taught me that failures are merely lessons we need to learn to
move forward and to grow. That each love is a gift regardless of the
outcome. That each person a light to guide us a little bit further
on the path of life. That each step we take on that path is our own
and that we are accountable for them.

All of this he taught not by preaching, but by example.

This man hosted my wedding, celebrated the birth of my son and
shared with me every success I have known. Of all the awards, the
accolades and the compliments I have known over the years, the most
profound ever were his words, "That's my girl."

He was my first and forever...... crush.

I wish you could have known this amazing man.

My world is a smaller place without him.

A goodbye
1/11/2003

I miss you Ben,

Always yours,

~Dangrus