Okay. The broke college student thing is old now. I spent the last six months with broken speakers because I couldn�t afford to replace them. For the 18 hours of the day during which I require music, I get half music, half irritating rattling. I overstuff the washer despite the signs explicitly warning against it because I can�t afford to do extra loads of laundry. At the end of last semester, I was forced to live off Raman noodles because I ran out of meal points and six meals for a buck-fifty was the best deal around.
Anyway, being practically penniless got me thinking, and I�ve decided that what I really need is unlimited time and funding. I�ve formulated a list of what I would do with this wealth:
1. Go skydiving.
I�m told that the first three times you do it, they pull the ripcord automatically. That�s alright, but not nearly as fun as doing it for real. So this one will be repeated four or more times.
2. Purchase a fast car.
I don�t know much about cars, but I do like to speed. Thus, anything fast would be fine. I�d also like a convertible.
3. Earn a spot on the Olympic curling team.
I want to be one of the people the scratch the path in front of the ball. It looks like fun.
4. Visit Europe.
I have not been out of the north-east U.S. since infancy. And that�s sad.
5. Learn to play the guitar.
And ultimately become a rock star. I�d also accept a leading role in a feature film.
6. Own a million dollar bill.
I�m assuming they exist. I�d just like to hold it in my hand. I�m also a little curious about what they do with all the extra zeros.
7. Make pots.
Lots and lots of lopsided ones, directly from my own pottery wheel. People would buy them, I�m sure.
8. Spend a night with Brad Pitt.
Mmm Brad Pitt.
9. Be the editor of a magazine.
I would control all content, and occasionally write my own material. None of that starting out at the bottom shite.
10. Learn to surf.
I�d require an entire summer in Australia. Or California.
I�d probably accept enough money to go somewhere fun for spring break. But if anyone has a viable get-rich-quick scheme, they should let me know as soon as possible.
March 6, 2002
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