Time has gone on and it's been a month since my last Nick encounter, I never did remember what happened that night he tucked me in my bed in Orlando, he said he put me in bed and left. Chris and I were mentioned in the internet fan community for going into the elevator with Kevin and Howie but the fans assured each other nothing happened because Kevin is married and Howie is a sweet guy. Chris jokes that "we obviously aren't cute enough to be considered girlfriends because we haven't been called sluts yets." Now that I think of it there was no mention of us in Charlotte, which is cool with me. I wouldn't think my time with them in Ft Lauderdale counted since I wasn't the only person Nick was seen with that night. Surprisingly Nick has called me a few times, it totally blew my mind the first time. The last time he called was two days ago, he said they would be in Boston for five days. They only had two shows but they were invited to sing the National Anthem at a Thursday night televised baseball game between the Red Sox and the Yankees.
"Too bad you can't be there, I know you like the Red Sox, how anyone likes the Red Sox I don't know...they suck." I smile as I recall our conversation,
"Are you going to be busy while you're in Boston?" He laughed,
"No, not really, just those little concerts you know." I play with the blanket wrapped around me as I sat on the couch,
"Yeah, yeah. Is Tori going to be there?" My stomach drops and my heart races as I wait for an answer,
"No, why? What's up?" I took a deep breath and let it out slowly,
"I was thinking of coming up there...me and Elliott." He was silent for a little while,
"Um, I don't know, I'm not sure. That's cool." I groaned internally,
"If you don't think you'll have time to hang out then it's ok, it's no big deal." He coughed,
"No, no, it's cool. Come up....I gotta go, give me a call when you get there."
I roll my eyes as I think back at that conversation, it was one of the more awkward conversations I've ever had with Nick. I wasn't sure if he really wanted me there and I didn't bother to tell Elliott as I begged and pleaded with him to go with me after I hung up with Nick. It's Thursday evening and I sigh as I park in front of Elliott's condo, I see him sitting on the balcony and he waves. Once he makes it outside I pop the trunk and he puts his luggage in, shuts the truck and sits down beside me in the car,
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." I nod my head, even though he had Friday and the weekend off I still feel bad about springing this on him at the last minute,
"I know, I'll make it up to you, I promise." He sighs,
"Its fine. One more city to scratch off my places to see list." We talk about everything under the sun as we made our way through the city to what I call the worst airport on Earth.
"So Quinn, what's the deal with you and Nick?" I look over at him as we fly through the air on our way to Boston,
"What do you mean?" He sighs and turns in his seat,
"I mean have you slept with him?" I shake my head,
"No, what makes you think that?" He shakes his head and holds my hand,
"You going from city to city to see him. I won't think bad of you if you have, he's a charming guy if you like the young, aloof, gullible, slightly simple type." I look at him and roll my eyes all joking aside,
"Oooh and you're protective of him. I didn't mean anything by it." I slide down in my seat and close my eyes,
"He's not stupid."
"I didn't say he was, but some people aren't as well-rounded and sophisticated as others, you know that." I nod my head and finally open my eyes and look at him once he begins to speak again,
"Do you want to?" I frown and he chuckled,
"Sleep with him. Do you want to sleep with him?" I groan, I know what I want and I know what I dream about but admitting it to other people isn't something I'm comfortable with doing,
"Honestly, yeah. But that doesn't mean I'm going to do it." He nods,
"Quinn relax, just because you want to sleep with him doesn't make you a bad person. It's how you go about it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you want to sleep with Nick..just like every other girl who finds him attractive..but there are two groups. The group who doesn't give a damn and sleeps with him because it's their one chance, it's their shot and they'll never get another chance to be with him and think if they do him good maybe they can snag him....and then there's the group you're in...the ones who want to but don't want to be looked at as bad girls, the ones who care about their reputation, the ones who don't want to feel or be disrespected. You think no woman has ever told him no?"
"Maybe they don't feel disrespected, maybe he doesn't disrespect them." He smiles,
"I know you think highly of him but please...he disrespects them...hell and they help by making it easy." I shrug,
"But it's what they really want and they know it's no strings attached, that they aren't his girlfriend and he sees other girls." He rolls his eyes at me,
"They may know he sleeps around and they may accept it but it doesn't mean they like it that way, that they don't want it to be just him and them. Quinn, you're a woman you know the deal. All those girls want to be more than just a piece of ass to him and if they say they don't they're lying but if that's all they can be then that's what they'll be. No woman, unless she's a slut, gives her body to a man just for the fun of it, and I think even the sluts want more. Women are programmed differently; feelings, no matter how little, get involved." I sigh and look at him as my eyes begin to water,
"Hey sweetie, what's wrong?" I look around the cabin and wipe a single tear that had fallen down my face,
"It's...I had a really bad reputation my first two years in college, I wanted to be liked so I-. But I worked really hard to change. I don't want to be like that again. People thinking bad of me, talking about me, guys looking at me and thinking I was only good enough to sleep with." I wipe my face with my free hand as he holds onto the other and silently waits for me,
"It didn't matter how smart I was or how nice I was...I was just a whore, a sure thing." He pulls me into his arms and I try as hard as I can to cry silently until I can't keep it to myself and I get up and go into the bathroom, walking down the aisle with my head down.
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Mixed Feelings
Chapter 38