�Five minutes, five minutes people.� Assistants, assistant directors, stage hands, producers; everyone you could think of are standing backstage screaming their heads off like we were actually doing a live show. It was taped for God�s sake and there is no doubt some diva is going to want to stop so she can do one of her lines over or the whole damn song. Think Mariah Carey and Diana Ross on VH1�s Diva show. I know you want to come off at your best and you want people to get their money�s worth but who gives a damn. I screw up in shows all the time. There hasn�t been a concert yet where I was perfect. Of course I have been known to kick ass on the occasional one song or two for something like we�re doing tonight. All it takes is supreme concentration for about three or four minutes. Even my ADD isn�t that bad. I don�t want to be here all night. I wish we could sing our song then just dip out. Even missing half of the show wouldn�t be so bad. Like usual, we�re somewhere in the middle.
�Backstreet Boys, make sure you don�t go far.� Don�t go far enough to miss out on all the stress even though there are probably a good five acts ahead of you not to mention a video tribute and all the presenters that will introduce the groups.
�I�m uncomfortable and ready to go.� Brian looked over and laughed,
�What's new?� The only person who gets more nervous before a show than Howie is Brian. I have the standard nerves but Brian has to practically throw up before he�ll feel better. It�s actually quite disgusting. Sometimes he�s even made himself throw up.
�How are you holding up?� He sighed,
�I'm alright now because I know we aren�t really on for a while.� Brian and I still get along as well as we did when we first met but now our bond isn�t based on practical jokes and stupid shit. We both grew up a lot and now it�s just a close bond. He and I can talk for hours about everything that pops into our minds.
�So, Howie and I were talking about Sarah earlier today.� I smiled and continued to look straight ahead,
�Oh really?� I knew that was a queue for me to just start talking. I wouldn�t particularly hide anything from him but I wasn�t going to make it completely easy for him to pump me for information.
�Yeah. She�s a really nice girl.�
Yes, she is.� I could hear his low sigh,
�Well, when are you going to see her again?� I chuckled and turned to him,
�I don�t really know. We�re just talking it as we go, its nothing serious.� Brian, I know for a fact, wants me to settle down with a girl now that I�m twenty-four. He thinks the commitment and stability will give me a certain amount of peace. Of course, he told me that he never would have wished me on any girl until I had a certain amount of serenity (his word) from figuring out who I was and what I wanted. He said I should have been public enemy number one to women a couple of years ago and I can�t say that I disagree. All the things I did are too embarrassing for me to even think about.
�Well, if there�s ever a girl to get serious with I think its her. Howie and I looked up some stuff on her and her family on the Internet and she�s an amazing woman. Its even more amazing that�s she�s only twenty years old.� I swear, the past eight or so months my life has been their personal hobby and one they actually enjoy.
�When we were in Denver we wanted to be able to give Lauren�s parents some information on her father�s foundation so we looked up the foundation and found all kinds of information on it; its called the Richard Lockeby Endowment for the Arts. And we looked up The Stoakley Foundation and there have been lots of write ups on Sarah.� He was quite animated and seemed to be excited about all the information he was giving me. He was like a salesman,
�She works with a group that helps young girls with self-esteem and helps them go to college or some type of trade school after high school.� Sarah sounded like an angel. She was too young to have her head on her shoulders like that. You can�t be settled in life if you haven�t messed up. I�m a believer in the idea that you aren�t finished growing and you haven�t really found yourself until you fuck up big time. How do you know you�ve found your way if you�ve never been lost? If you haven�t, its like waiting on the ax to fall; no one has a perfect existence.
�Brian I know what you�re after but I�m not ready. I'm not ready to be married and I�m not ready to even have a girlfriend.� He scoffed,
�How can someone not be ready for a girlfriend?� Easy when you're caught up in having great sex with no strings attached.
�I don�t want to work at that. You have to call, you have to make time, and you have to care about what they�re doing�� He laughed,
�Yeah Nick caring about other people�s interests is a tough thing.� I smiled.
�Sooner or later I�ll find someone I�m serious about but right now nothing is serious with anyone and I don�t see it changing anytime soon.� He shook his head,
�What is it? Why aren�t you interested in a relationship? You aren�t going back to your old�� I raised one eyebrow and looked his way,
�I mean, I haven�t seen all the girls like before.�
�That�s because there aren�t a bunch of girls. Although, there was the other night.� I can�t believe I am talking about this but of all people it was easiest to talk with Brian. Brian didn�t get too holier than thou about it.
�Do you question AJ and Howie like this?� He scratched that notion with a wave of the hand,
�Please, AJ and Howie are nowhere near being ready to settle down into something real.� I can�t believe I�m more ready than AJ and Howie and that anyone thinks I am. I�ve come a long way just too be able to get the benefit of the doubt. And I have to agree, I am more ready than either of those two. AJ is, well, AJ and Howie always has his dick at-the-ready prepared to do some damage.
I have to shut Brian up or he's going to ruin my five year solo plans. I�m perfectly happy living the life I�m living right now. I have the friends, the family, the career and I�m comfortable with who I am and that last part took a very long time. But if Brian keeps talking he's going to remind me that I like holding a warm body at night, that I like to kiss, that I like breasts, that I like walking around hand in hand and buying gifts.
�If I�m not married by the time I�m thirty two you can pick my wife.� He playfully rolled his eyes at me.
�Where are my next performers?� As if it were with the snap of a finger we were brought back into the chaotic reality that was our life. I sighed as I let my head fall back onto the wall,
�I can�t wait for this to be over.�
I took one final breath before the lights shined bright on our side of the stage. We were introduced by some older lady who was on some TV show on HBO. It always seems like we are introduced by women. We were set to perform a medley of some of the most popular songs of the eighties. AJ, Brian and I, as usual, were taking the leads which meant focus time for me. I�m particularly nervous because, to be honest, this is the first time Brehan is going to hear me sing and I want to do a good job. We smiled and waved from our seats in the audience but I hadn�t been able to talk to her. I only hope she�s in her seat.
Chapter 123
Stranger Than Fiction
Stories
Feedback