�What the fuck is your problem?� She pointed her finger in his face,
�Don�t talk to me like that!� He grabbed her hand and screamed in her face,
�Well, stop acting like a bitch!� He saw the look on her face. The pain and the anger were clear. Damn, he thought, he didn�t mean to go there. I didn�t mean that... Yeah, she was a head strong person but she was a sweetheart and gentle too. He loosened his grip on her hand as she snatched it away. He sighed and shook his head,
�Look, this was a bad idea.� She wasn�t listening anymore,
�Why, because it was my idea? And the next time you call me a bitch I-� What the hell, he thought, as he looked down and saw her hand was balled in a fist,
�Next time what? You�ll hit me? And what would you do if I hit you back? You�d think I was wrong wouldn�t you?� He didn�t bother to let her answer that but he could see she was thinking about it.
�Because we�re fighting and it�s for nothing now because we�re not together, now you can find someone who can give you all the attention you need.�
�Nick damn, I never asked you to come home from tour when you had a couple of days off. I never asked you to go shoe shopping with me while you tried to watch a basketball game or go with me and pick out towels for the guest bathroom. All I wanted was a little time for us when you weren�t on tour. Instead of clubs, friends, video games and radio DJs.� He sighed and leaned against the wall,
�I gave you attention.� It was true though, she never whined about those stupid things he would see women whine about in movies. As far as sports, she would rather watch a football game than go shopping any day. She yelled out,
�Having me tag along while you were at some radio station or at the club in a group of ten is not paying attention. When-� She took a breath and her voice returned to normal,
�When was the last time we went out to dinner and we didn�t have to place our order at a drive-thru window? When was the last time we went out dancing or out at night alone? A trip somewhere? You know I�m not whiny about expensive dinners. Hey, I�d rather eat at Wendy�s but a girl wants to be spoiled every ONCE in a while Nick. I know you aren�t the biggest romantic and that�s why it doesn�t bother me that much. I don�t need all that to know you love me but if I can accept that its not you then why can�t you make the effort and meet me half way and try sometimes? You know why I did all the things I did for you? Hiding the �I love you� cards in your backpack, leaving you messages on your voice mail in the middle of the day, bringing you lunch at the studio? Because I love you and doing things for you make ME happy. And I know if someone did that for me it would let me know they cared, they thought about me more than when I was three feet in front of their face.� Damn, am I an asshole, he thought, but she said it herself. That�s not me. It never was. Sure, at first I did that stuff but everyone does when they first start dating. Every time they went out there WAS always someone around. Three out of five nights there were probably some of his friends hanging around the house. Home and the hotel room, when she came out on tour to visit, were the only times they had alone. Those times were spent watching TV, a movie or having sex. Maybe she does need to be with someone who could give her that attention and had the time. Someone who could be around, he sighed,
�I guess I don�t have enough time to make your life happy.�
She looked at him in amazement. Enough time to make me happy? Who the hell does he think he is? And what the hell was she? A damn project? She shook her head at him,
�We think we�re pretty important don�t we?� He looked over at her,
�What?� Sometimes she wondered how they made it this long,
�I don�t NEED you in my life in order to be happy. You just bring a different kind of happiness. You need to get that ego in check.� She laughed a little and lay out on the bed,
�You don�t need to be responsible for my happiness Nick. I never asked you to. I just needed you to love and respect me.� He sighed,
�So, what�s with all this attention and talking and stuff?� I swear sometimes I think he is as lost as puppy, she thought. She smiled and closed her eyes,
�Nick those are things that come along with loving and respecting someone. People always give this long laundry list of things they need but if a person loves and respects you everything else just falls into place. At least that how I see it.� She opened her eyes as the bed shifted to see him sitting next to her,
�I loved and respected you. So, what happened to us?� She sat up on one elbow,
�Sometimes we get off track, lose our way and forget that it takes work sometimes. I mean, I always said if you loved someone it didn�t take work because everything would come natural and you would do whatever you needed to make that person happy without even thinking. I guess I was more na�ve than I thought.�
That all seemed to make sense. Why couldn�t they have talked like that before things got bad? She might have talked about me not being able to communicate but she didn�t do too well herself. All the times he sat in interviews and talked about a good girl who was smart and confident and easy going. He had her and he let her go because he couldn�t open his mouth. What�s wrong with me? Do I really want a relationship though? Maybe, I don�t want one. Maybe I�m not ready or I would know all this stuff and wouldn�t have jumped to the wrong conclusions. Wait, did I jump to the wrong conclusion? I mean, I NEVER communicated, or whatever she said so that hadn�t changed. I wasn�t doing anything wrong. Ok, I stopped telling her tour stories�so what? That wasn�t worth all this drama. And he didn�t take her out�all she had to do was say something about it. She never complained about our nights in, especially when my head was between her legs. No way, this isn�t about me. I may not be perfect but I�m not the reason this relationship is over. She could have just told me this stuff a long time ago.
She knew things weren�t okay but it still surprised her when he picked up the suitcase and went back to packing. Wait, that was the most talking they had done in months. How in the hell could he just walk out after that? They needed to keep talking; it was like a break through. Guess he really wanted out and this was his chance. He wasn�t going to let anything stand in his way huh? Everything I have ever done since I met him has been with him in mind, she thought. From the clothes she wore to the food she ate. She was still her own person but she didn�t mind doing things for him. She loved wheat bread but he didn�t so she bought white when he was home. No big deal, she ate white bread too, it just wasn�t her first choice. She wasn�t fond of wearing skirts in the middle of the day if she wasn�t at work but when he was home she wore them because he liked them. Besides, the �I want you� look on his face made her glow when he would stare at her. Every thing she put up with in this relationship she did because of her love for him. Those things weren�t his fault so she accepted them. The schedule, the abnormal amount of attention from women. They weren�t his fault, they were part of his lifestyle and he couldn�t change it but she accepted it because it came with the package. After all the things she had endured, including the initial lack of trust and snobbish treatment from his family and band mates until she had proven she was trustworthy of being allowed into the inner circle and THIS asshole was going to walk out on HER? Fuck you Nick.
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