Candace wanted to see the opening act so I had to watch her and Nick�s make out session before she was led to her seat by one of the security personnel. Watching her this entire time with Nick's hands all over her I didn't know if I should hate her, pity her or want to be her. It's getting harder and harder to not think of kissing him or touching him. It was like he knew what to do to get me worked up.
"I'm going to grab something from catering. Want me to bring you guys back something?" I shook my head at AJ and stood up,
"I'll go with you." He shook his head and held up his cell phone,
"I need to make a personal call. What do you want? I'll bring it back." I glanced over at Nick quickly to see him staring the television and lying on the couch. He didn't look like he was going anywhere and I wanted more than ever to leave with AJ. He was staring at me, waiting on me to tell him what I wanted,
"Bring me back a little lasagna, not too much." He nodded and looked over at Nick,
"Nick, want anything?" He waved AJ off with his hand, not bothering to look in our direction. The door closed and there we were alone, with me as uncomfortable as ever. I sat back down in my chair and watched as his stomach and chest went up and down with every breath he took. I was in a trance and didn't notice he was staring at me until something flew past my head,
"Hey, why are you staring at me?" I looked up his chest and into his face; his eyes were planted on me. After what seemed like an abnormally long pause I came up with one of the most lame responses,
"Oh, I was just spacing out." His mouth curled in a devilish smile as he sat up and swung his feet to the ground,
"What were you thinking about?" I shook my head,
"Just work stuff." I turned my back as he stood up and minimized the space between us. The magazines on the table became so interesting but the last thing I could do was read once I felt his warm breath on my neck,
"Were you thinking of work stuff when you were staring at me earlier?" He saw me staring at him. I know we locked eyes a couple of times but I wasn't aware he knew I was looking at him. I didn't notice him noticing me. How do I get out of this? My heart is racing it I can feel it.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No." My response was so quick it was out of my mouth before I knew I wanted to talk. Did I sound eager to answer him? Do I look desperate by answering so quickly?
"Why were you staring at me earlier?" He was no longer standing behind me and I was thrilled until he was standing right next to me, leaning against the table, his arms crossed and staring at me. Now, my nervousness was going to be visible. I don't want him to know that I'm attracted to him. For one, it's not professional; the last thing that anyone needs is some behind the scenes romance. There wasn't a contract I had to sign and no one ever said anything to me but I know a relationship with one of the clients it's a huge no-no. The other reason is I don't want to hand over control to a man. I want him to work for it. I want him to take it. The man is supposed to chase the woman; I still believe in that regardless of these new age women who want to be aggressive like their male counterparts. Men want the thrill of the chase; they want to work for your affection. It's like a sense of accomplishment when they finally have you. If you lay down and serve yourself up on a platter you'll get thrown out with the McDonalds bag that contained the food he bought you for dinner the previous night.
"Was I? I wasn't aware. Sorry." He shook his head and shrugged at me. He was so nonchalant about everything; so casual like nothing got to him; like he was able to keep his cool under any situation and that was a turn on because it goes back to the control issue. As time goes on, more and more he seems like the type of man who is always in control of whatever situation he found himself in.
"Nothing to apologize for. So, no boyfriend huh? Why is that?" It was one thing to tell AJ about Mitch but there was no way I was going to tell Nick. I'm not sure how he would handle it and after AJ, I'm more embarrassed than anything to tell him. What if AJ told someone? What if he told Nick? I never thought about that but I shouldn't be surprised if he told them. I told him freely and I didn't ask him to keep it to himself so it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for him to think it wasn't a secret. Then again, that is something that should be kept between the person who told and the person they told it to. It's not like telling everyone I won the fifth grade spelling bee.
"Just haven't found the right guy." He nodded his head slowly as if he was trying to figure out what to do with that bit of information. The silence was almost more than I can take and the magazine was interesting again as he stared at me.
"Are you looking for the right guy?" I shook my head,
"No, not interested in a relationship right now." He smiled and walked off,
"Good." I'm just thankful he wasn't concerned with a deeper conversation regarding my personal life. As he closed the door one thing is for sure, I have got to get myself together around Nick. I can't keep going through some mental meltdown. I'm too old for this; too old to act like some schoolgirl with a playground crush.
On the bus, after the show, Pete settled down next to me and smiled which only made me groan,
"What? Why are you smiling at me like that?" He offered me a folder and to say I was hesitant to take it was an understatement. He laughed at me,
"Take it, it's not going to kill you." I took the folder from his hand,
"I don't think." I shook my head at his words as I opened the folder and began to read. It was a mission statement from the record label. They were going to start giving back, as a record label, and they were going to use their recording artists to do it. Each artist would help with his or her respective audience. Since the guys were mainstream Top 40 with a lot of young fans and families they would work with adolescent causes. In each city possible the guys would try to meet with fans, go to children's hospitals, the label will give tickets to underprivileged kids, the whole nine yards. Sounds good for them and they don't have to do anything I noticed,
"Sounds nice." He nodded and by the expression on his face I could tell he felt the same as I did about the free and effortless good publicity JIVE was about to receive.
"This is going to require a lot of work on our behalf. Not only do we have to coordinate with the label to see who or what they have picked out for the guys to do in each city but we have to coordinate with the tour manager for free time and the hospitals and organizations ourselves to make sure we don't drop the ball. There's no bad publicity like breaking a little kid's heart." I nodded, wasn�t that the truth. This is exactly why a romance with Nick was not possible. He was already distracting me and the tour has just started, it�s only going to get more hectic and nothing has even happened between us yet. God help me if I ever started something with Nick. It would just be too much to handle.
Chapter 19
Total Control
Stories