Self-analysis attempt
Couple days ago,my female friend warn me about some mistakes on my site.It was about word capitol and I was convice that I'm right and she is wrong.After second warning I decide to obey.I changed that word in my text but I still had a doubt.So,I looked in a dictionary and she was right.Capital (main city in the state)and capitol(part of ancient Rome's Senat and US congress)are existing in a dictionary one next to the other.
After that I contemplated my acts and emotions and found that my behaviour was stupid,arrogant and obstimate.Her remark heart my feelings.How?How can just a one simple notice can harm my mood and self-esteem?How can a "big", "strong" man can become a jelly in a moment?Let's think about it!
Well, it's simple.It harms not me ,not real me but it hurt my fictitous,charlatannic part of me.A part which thinks about himself as a smartest and unmistakeable.Grandiose part of mey mind which feel as a threat a small grammatic issues.
But the devil is always in details.Small details detect a personal traits.Suspiciousness is a very bad hobbit but it is a part of my character.I'm to sensitive for criticism and I interprete them as offences.In some cases,in my circumstances(extreme social differencies and collective frustration),from my point of view,they can be truefull.But in this particular case,there is just one question:Why should my female friend do something like that?i never had believed in a conspiracy theory and I'm not a paranoic.So,the only answer is:to help me!
Objections are signs of someone's careness and well-meaningness.It mean's that someone's watching and pay attention what am I doing and how I doing.Therefore my work (and me) has has meaning and value for some people.
Some conclusions imposing by themselves.I'm not crazy because my reality test is working in every moment of my life.In otherwise, no one woul'd take attention on me and my work(People usually try to avoid ,not to observe lunatics).I have some bad manner and bad personal traits which I can not change.But I fight against them with my common sense and logic.I am aware that's the only way.Just like Sigmund Freud said:"Where was ID ,EGO will take his place!"
