General/Misc

Read this 'Hate Letter'.

It is so funny and creative.

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl. However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship and so the boy wrote this letter to the girl. He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter.

1.. The great love that I have for you
2.. is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3.. grows every day. When I see you,
4.. I do not even like your face;
5.. the one thing that I want to do is to
6.. look at other girls. I never wanted to
7.. marry you. Our last conversation
8.. was very boring and has not
9.. made me look forward to seeing you again.
10.. You think only of yourself.
11.. If we were married, I know that I would find
12.. life very difficult, and I would have no
13.. pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14.. to give, but it is not something that
15.. I want to give to you. No one is more
16.. foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17.. able to care for me and help me.
18.. I sincerely want you to understand that
19.. I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20.. if you think this is the end. Do not try
21.. to answer this. Your letters are full of
22.. things that do not interest me. You have no
23.. true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24.. I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25.. I am still your boyfriend.'

So bad!!

However, Before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to 'READ BETWEEN THE LINES' Between the lines ? ? Try yourself...
Read the Alternate Lines.. [ 1,3,5 etc... ]

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The traffic policeman stopped the car driver for crossing the traffic signal on a red.

'Didn't you see the red light?' Growled the policeman.

'Yes I did', replied the driver, 'But I didn't see you!'
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Wife: Tell me the truth! How many girls have you slept with?

Husband: Only with you love, with the others I was awake whole night!
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Banta Singh saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him.

'What happened to you Santaji?'

'There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today.'

'Oh really, what happened?'

'I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive! He almost got me!'

'So, how'd you get away?'

'Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over.'

'That's scary Santaji. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place.'

'Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?'
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Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure you that we had nothing in connection with that...

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

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Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkatta

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai stall --- and he is prosperous!
That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes, he writes a software program to stop the fight ...but the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program ---
That's Bangalore !!!!


Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes, fourth guy comes,......nth guy comes. The guys split into 2 groups and everybody starts to fight but the first and second guy peacefully walks away.
That's Chennai.. !!!!

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. They don't know what is happening around. Slowly the crowd will be increasing anxious writ over their faces. Much to the disappointment, everyone will leave the place including the two guys BUT WITH FULL FAKE PUBLICITY.
That's Hyderabad.

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FUNNY TELEGRAMS

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

'Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.'


TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: 'I wish you were here.'
The message received by wife: 'I wish you were her.'

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

'Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.'

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants put on the cake.

'Well', he thinks for a while and says: 'Let's put, 'You are not getting older you are getting better''.

The salesman asks 'How do you want me to put it?'

The man says, Well put 'You are not getting older', at the top and 'You are getting better' at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

'You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom'.

TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi. When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye !' (Sethji Ajmer gaye)
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Teacher: Hamaray mulk main 10 airport hain, 25 railway stations hain, 110 bus stations hain to meri age batao?

Student: Sir, 32 years!

Teacher: Oh brilliant, but how did you guess?

Student: My brother is 16 years old - aur woh adha pagal hai!
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There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their Medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes Before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden Crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil

Just when the clock struck 11...

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you.

And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it!
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It was the first day of a US school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, Let's begin by reviewing some American history: Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'.

Again, no response except from Suzuki. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do'. She heard a loud whisper: Fu**k the Japs.

'Who said that?' she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. 'Lee Iacocca, 1982'.

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke [vomit]'.

The teacher glares and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Suzuki says, 'George Bush [Sr.] to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991'.

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you'.

Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, '[California
Congressman] Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001'.

The teacher faints. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're fu**ked!'

And Suzuki said, 'Americans in Iraq, year 2004!'
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1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : 'Wife wanted '. Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : 'You can have mine.'

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, 'If you don't promise to send us $100, 000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife.'

The poor man wrote back, ' I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.'

7. What's the matter, you look depressed.'

'I'm having trouble with my wife.'

'What happened?'

'She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days.'

'But that ought to make you happy.'

'It did, but today is the last day'.

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