smoke

Ever wanted a James Bond style Smoke Screen fitted to your car? Now you can and it's easy too! Unlikely ever to end up on an Aston Martin DB5, it makes a great addition to almost any car!
Just be careful not to use it in view of the local Police!

You will need:
1x Metre of metal brake pipe
1x Male fitting
1x Drill and necessary bits
1x Tap and Die kit
1x Screen washer bottle and pump assembly
1x One way valve (optional)
1x Metre of Screen Wash tubing
1x Gallon of Diesel

A very important tip:
You will be using Diesel fuel as the source of smoke. Diesel perishes rubber and rubber is an important part of screen wash pumps, therefore, you must find a pump able to withstand constant contact with Diesel.
I found one by trial and error, as you will have to too. I found that most Nissan pumps are OK, but don't take my word for it. You will know if yours is unsuitable, as it wont work after a week of use.

Also, I found that the one way valve is affected in the same way. I just did away with mine and ran the system without it. The effect of that is the exhaust gas will bubble through the Diesel, but the gas is cold by the time it reaches the bottle, so don't worry about fire risk! Diesel is not very volatile. You could pour it directly over the hot exhaust and it won't light. Amazingly the flash point of Petrol is too high so you can do the same with it!

How to do it:
1. Drill the necessary size hole in the exhaust manifold, nice and close to the cylinder head. I put mine into number 4, but you can put your where you like! Tap the hole to take the fitting.

2. Mount the reservoir onto the inner wing or another convenient location.

3. From the fuse box, or another fused source. Try not to be a bodgy bastard and run it from the battery. You could try to make it as subtle as possible! Run this to a secret switch somewhere you car reach it from the drivers seat. Run the feed to the pump and earth the pump as required.

4. Plumb in the metal section of the brake pipe from the exhaust. Then fit the one way valve if you so desire. Next connect the metal section to some screen wash tubing and to the pump outlet. Check you have everything working by getting a friend to push the button!