Rest In Pieces
The Barney Mobile 1995-2003
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| R.I.P. Barney Mobile | ||||||||||||
| The Barney Mobile as we all came to know her, was purchased in 1995. She was one badass Purple Ford Escort. Going from 0-60 in just under 14 seconds, she was a force to be reckoned with. For the first 7 years of her life, life was great for The Barney Mobile. However, in the winter of 2002, the beginning of the end started. After just crossing her 100,000 mile birthday, problems started. In the late night hours of November 17th, she lost control, and plowed into a snowback. Thankfully, no damage was sustained. However, she was never to be the same. She began to stall at lights, which would cause the driver to put the car in neutral, and rev that American Muscle 4 Cylinder Engine. This caused the Barney Mobile to be put into many confrontaions, most of which she won. As the spring came, her heat began to not work anymore. She backed into another car, damaging her back end, but she hung in there. She even took a hit and run from another car on the passenger side, and even though it took her turn signal and headlight out, it didnt stop her from moving on. As summer came, it was looking to be a great one for the Barney Mobile. She had seen quite her share of parties so far in 2003, and was ready for one hell of a summer. Thats when tragedy struck. Shortly after i entered 71 North, i noticed a noise coming from the ole warrior. It really fuking annoyed me. I even turned the radio off to see what it was. I took my foot off the gas, and she stopped. "Oh that silly ole girl", i pondered to myself, "shes just making funny noises again." I put my foot back on the gas, and got no horsepower, or acceleration. Since i am a cheap bastard who never stops to get gas because i am too poor, i figured, shit, i am running outta gas. Then, BOOM! Smoke filled the inside of the car, and i thought, SHIT, i hit something! As i looked in my rear view mirror, i could see heavy black, and then orange. She was on fire. Losing speed in of all lanes, the high speed lane, i had to pull her over. So i scooted all the way across the highway and onto the shoulder, with flames shooting out of the gearbox at me, and hit the brakes to stop. | ||||||||||||
| But she wouldnt stop, the fire had consumed her brakeline. Knowing, this could be it, i slammed her into park, dropping her transmission in the process, as well as burning my arms. I couldnt get the keys outta her, but i turned off the engine, hoping to save her and i ran. As i turned to look back she went up in flames. The whole car was on fire. Suddenly, i remember when she was a lil Escort, back in her younger days, and realized, i was witnessing, quite a horrible death. The Barney Mobile took it like a champ, and i watched her spirit ascend into that big parking lot in the sky. The fire trucks fought valiantly, day and night, to save her, but she was no more. The fire had charred her undercarrage. The brake line and oil line were gone and nothing from underneath the car survived. A hole had been burned staright thru the gearbox, and had set the driver seat ablaze. She didnt make it. Looking back i realize, that she gave it her all to protect me. Even being the ole broad that she was, she gave her it all to save my life. For this i am in eternal gratitude. The FBI is currently leading a investigation as to what caused the fire, it could have been sabotage, or just her old age, but we may never know. But we do know this. The Barney Mobile was one of a kind. She gave those morning rides to school no other could. She saw some good times, but now her soul is at rest. | ||||||||||||
| GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN Rest In Pieces The Barney Mobile 1995-2003 |
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| Sleep now child, and do not fear, for u are at peace | ||||||||||||
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