| This better be quick and fast.... I got better things to be doin' with my time. I'm Barret Wallace, but my friends call me "B.W.", "B-Meister" or even "Bee-Dub".. ah hell, nobody gives a sh**!! Marlene's in school right now, so I'm able to make a little sacrifice and stay for this interview. I know what you all are thinkin' -- I should've been the main character in Final Fantasy part 7. But, I'm more legit than that. If I was the lead character, then all you freaks would be askin' for my autograph.... Then I'd have to hire a bodyguard for Marlene everytime she heads for the damn bus stop, cause your sorry asses couldn't get me to pose for some white-washed magazine article on "Shaft meets Mr. T"! Sooooo... that's why I let Cloud be the leader, okay? Now, on with the interview! |
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| [yells for Barret] Get outta the girls' dressin' room!!! |
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| [taps on Cid's shoulder from behind] Let's jus' get this over with... |
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| Here we go-- question number one: Do you tan, fake-n-bake, or use an oily tanning spray to get that "darker" look? |
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| Man, is this the interview?! I'm sittin' here with a freakin' joker! Sh**!! NEXT!!! |
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| Okay okay!! Barret, what was your opinion of the Final Fantasy Movie? |
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| ....hmmm... I think I fell asleep.... |
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| Barret, many viewers have compared your looks to Micheal Jackson or one of his sisters. What's your reaction to this? |
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| What in the fu**?! |
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| So, lemme get something straight... If I say "word-up, homey" to a guy like yourself, am I gonna get beat down or join an ebonics-awareness program? |
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| Beat down.. ..for sure |
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| Aww, RASPBERRIES!! |
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| Wow! That's a toughy... hmm... Marlene tends to burn the biscuit more often than Aeris.... But then again, Marlene puts much more margarine butter on the top and likes to add a little honey glaze....* |
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| Alright, Barret. Moment of truth-- Who bakes a better toaster biscuit: Marlene or Aeris? |
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| [turns around to look at the clock] Time's up, ya' fairy.... |
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| So, Barret.... who's your favorite Ninja Turtle? |
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| Leonardo |
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| What makes Barret Wallace laugh? |
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| Watchin' you cross your legs in those tight pants.... |
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| I see.. and what makes you cry? |
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| Watchin' you squirm in that couch over there... Damn, man!... there's a men's room down the hall.... |
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| Okay, quickly-- Describe yourself in one word |
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| Ebonic-ghettoness |
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| I'm pretty sure that was two.... |
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| [gets up to turn on the faucet] |
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| Ahh! Aaaand that's my cue!! [running] I'd gladly shake your hand, but I am off to the restroom... Thank you, and Good day. |
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| Tea Time |