I'm really glad you wrote the last chapter of this story because if you hadn't I was going to.

The phrase "no one is getting away with anything" has been the barbecue sauce that has allowed me to choke down many, many, MANY excrement sandwiches, both in the Body and without. My faith that all things happen for a reason and that every time someone hurts me my big brother Yeshua is going to fix that persons wagon has allowed me to avoid (for the most part) bitterness. Also, there's almost always a lesson that comes with those excrement sandwiches (cleverly disguised as a sprig of parsley) which have, as Yeshua pointed out in your story, allowed me to grow and learn and (hopefully) avoid the next sandwich.

It helps me to remember that for a pig headed idiot like me the only way to learn the lesson is to survive the mauling.

I hope this is helpful to anyone who reads it.
--Aaron

Thanks Aaron for the comment. We all have stories of abuse we suffered at the hands of other believers, and the Lord does take care of us. And the abuser too, eventually.

Thing is, we should never think of this as "the only way to learn". Or even "a good way to learn". Do we really want to say that abuse is okay, because there is probably a great lesson the Lord can teach us in the midst of it? To paraphrase Rom.6:1 - "Shall we allow sin to continue, so that grace may increase? May it never be!"

What I meant by my story is just the opposite. The same One who said "turn the other cheek", also said "when your brother sins against you, reprove him" - and if he won't repent, "let him be to you as an unbeliever". How much more when the sin is against a defenseless brother or sister?

Put a different way: Is poisoning us really the Lord's preferred way to raise us spiritually? Or is it our convenient rationalization to avoid the needed confrontations? People we know are being fed a steady diet of crap sandwiches by some out-of-control brother, and we see the only solution is to pass the BBQ sauce?

There is a BIG problem in the Body when we use "the Lord will take care of it" as the FIRST and ONLY remedy for abuse, without ever confronting the guy who's making you the crap sandwiches and demanding that you shut up and eat them! I've seen this placebo used repeatedly - it's not one or two isolated cases, it's a standard. We, your brothers and sisters, are failing those of you who are being abused, and we are being disobedient to the Lord.

And when (as I have witnessed) someone finally leaves the people of God because of one poisonous sandwich too many, we shake our heads and say, 'too bad he didn't have the faith to make it through'.

God forgive us.
- Hannah
--Hannah

My "Tsavuah" abusers have been pastors. I feel like an abuse magnet because I have encountered so many instances of this. Yes, the Lord will take care of it. But sometimes when you are laying there bleeding alone, that seems too far away. The most recent "sandwich" came when I tried to point out to my pastor (boss, I am a church secretary) that I could no longer enter certain of his financial transactions in the categories he wanted because I felt it was not proper spending of the Lord's money. I did my best to obey scripture in how I presented it, and I also felt that I had "earned" the right to be heard by faithfulness, service and love in the Body. Rather than take the chance of being exposed as WRONG, he took every measure he knew to make life miserable for me, I believe, hoping I would quit and leave. I have no intention of quitting or leaving, unless I receive a clear word from the Lord. I have not spread the stuff from the sandwich out through the body, but kept it quiet. There has been a huge no talk rule. I have been wounded, but I have also experienced the Shepherd coming to me and raising me up. I have come very close to caving in, but by His grace I have not. Previous to this one, I have seen the precious body ravaged by a pastor's sexual sins, another's financial mismanagement, and yet another's total takeover and control of every aspect. There have been numerous splits. Very few of us are left of the original body. My husband and I are called to this body as with a missionary call...very strong...and "Tsavuah" has tried everything in his bag of tricks to destroy it and us. The no-talk rule keeps me from noising abroad the shortcomings of this present pastor...or is it my desire to keep the body together? I am trusting Jesus to walk with me through this day by day, and he has already brought me through so so much! I could identify with both the victims and the good samaritan who tried to help the wounded sheep. Jesus is the Comforter, the Only Answer!
--RMB

Hi RMB,

I spent a long while thinking before I felt qualified to respond. Your pain and your faithfulness are both clear in what you wrote.

The abuse usually does come from those in "authority" of some kind over us. They are the only ones who have the context for abusing us. Some guy in a coffee shop insults us, we can just get up and leave. It's doubly hard to leave, not only because he's the pastor of the place you are called to worship, but also because this guy signs your paycheck.

OTOH every authority (if it's at all part of the Body framework) has an authority over THEM somewhere, that is meant to keep them accountable. And I think this is the sort of "one or two witnesses" that Yeshua had in mind for Step 2 of confronting a brother in sin. (I wrote about those steps in a different blog-thread.)

I can't help thinking that there must be someone who your "Tsavuah" looks up to (a friend or colleague who is mature in the Lord), or who he is at least obligated to take seriously (the church board, the org. that ordained him, if all else fails, a big donor).

Of course that works both ways. If the authority you have chosen as able to see the problem, in the end decides that your view of spending for the Lord's work is in need of readjustment instead (or also), you have to be willing to consider that (cross-checking it of course with other people you respect). This is what Paul means, that when we "restore someone caught in a trespass" (Gal.6:1), we need some way to check ourselves in the same area.

Either way, keeping quiet is not one of the things the Lord commanded - and it's not helping Tsavuah toward repentance, nor is it giving you any relief.

May the Lord continue to pour His love through you, and thanks again for being willing to break the "can't talk rule".


--Hannah