Thoughts about Forgiving Abusers

   It's time we addressed our false ideas about forgiving brothers who sin - ideas which masquerade as Scriptural teaching.

   There is a widespread notion that to "forgive" an abuser who claims to be a brother means to "forget" what he/she did.  Nowhere in Scripture can we find support for that. 

   Yes, I know G-d casts our sins into "the sea of forgetfulness" -- that's when He forgives the REPENTANT sinner.  The UNREPENTANT sinner - even one claiming Messiah for his atonement - gets no such slack, but only "a certain, terrifying expectation of judgment" (Heb.10:26-31). 

   Therefore, the only time we can exhort the abused to "forgive and forget" what a brother has done to them is when the one who inflicted those wounds has demonstrated heartfelt repentance in both word and deed.

   When dealing with an abuser, the difference would be like night and day... unmistakable... Like the change in Saul when he became Paul.  Or like the sinning brother in the Corinthian church (I Cor.5), who was in such sorrow over his sin that Paul became concerned for him (II Cor.2:6-7).  

   Nor can we find a Scriptural reason to equate "forgive" with "equalize"... as in the common admonition: "Both sides need to admit that everyone is okay [or at fault], and let's all just go on from here."   Heaven help us, we absolve abusers on a regular basis, all for the sake of creating a facade of "unity".  We not only bring no help to the abused (or to the abuser!), we bring strong judgment on our communities:  

   "Woe to those who call evil 'good' and good 'evil'... and take away the rights of the ones who are in the right....  On this account the anger of the L-rd has burned against His people and He has stretched out His hand against them and struck them down..." (Isa.5:20-25) 

   In the NT, to "forgive a brother" and receive him back was connected to his repentance (Matt.18:15, 29-35; Luke 17:3).  His refusal to repent was cause to count the man as an unbeliever (Matt.18:17), and to cut relations with him, thus  "removing the evil" from among us (I Cor.5:11-13). 

   It was inevitable that such a removal would need to become public knowledge.  Deliberately broadcasted, in fact.  Otherwise "removing the evil" would be superficial - he could just drift into another group of disciples, someplace where word of his sin had not reached, and just start over... eventually "leavening the lump of dough" (v.6).

   Which brings us to another false teaching: that to forgive a transgressor who didn't repent (releasing him nevertheless, so that we may be forgiven, as in Matt.8:14) includes never speaking to others about it. 

   It's as though Yeshua's teaching in Matt.18 about how to deal with a sinning brother had only one step:  Confronting him in private (v.15).  And if he doesn't listen, we are to move from Step 1 to Step 4, "let him be to you as a Gentile" ( move away from the sinner - quietly).  Or, if we have enough faith and patience, we can keep trying Step 1 over and over (stay around and "love" the sinner - quietly).  

   Anyone attempting to carry out Steps 2 and 3 of the Lord's instruction (v.16-17) - which involves exposing the sinner to increasingly public attention -  is branded as a gossip, divisive, vengeful, destructive, etc.

   What are we doing here?  We are subverting our Lord's commands, rebuking those who obey and commending those who don't.  

   And then we wonder why our congregations are so sickly and vulnerable to spiritual attack. 

   "Woe to those who call evil 'good' and good 'evil'..."

Any comments out there?