| This seats reserved....if you could sit over there.... yeah tha'd be great |
| what happens when an unstoppable object hits an unmoveable object.... who knows? anybody...yeah me either...just one of the many questions that ive incounted on my new quest for knowledge.... no i dont want to be smart....i want to be smarter....ive been reading everything i see lately....its pretty crazy...the news paper, books, handbooks, emails, the weather forcast....its pretty crazy.....i started to make a list of movies i wanted to rent on my shoe, topping the list....clock work orange, full metal jacket, and requim for a dream.....you may say...."he hasn't seen these?...hes culturally sterile".... thats right....i am. i dont want to be. i want to see good movies, i need to read things that are cool....i need school to be over. i opened a box of freezer pops today for the first time this year....that signifies the beggining of summer, i dont care about any dates or groundhogs or anything.....freezer pops...thats the determination factor.... school has 1 day left....im not excited for it to be over....it shouldnt be over....theres been 2 sunny days...its not hot enough to be out yet....i dont hate it enough to be gone yet... i havnt seen everyone enough. this summers gonna be pretty action packed.....i have relay for life...this friday...thats neat...first time...maybe not the last...real good cause....you should come check it out friday at U.M. highschool...its this crazy 24 hour cancer walk...should be a good time, then i leave for europe the 22 and return the 12th. i dono its gonna be amazing, but i wish it was a little later...i dono, it just seems kinda rushed...im not looking foreward to is as much as i should be...maybe somethings wrong with me....agian...i dono...then im goin to the shore 2 weeks after....that should be good, i wanna surf untill i cant walk...or paddle.......or whatever...i dono...sure things are happening again..i dono exactly what to think.... turned to friends.....they gave me an answer that i didnt want to hear....ultimately they were right and i know what im gonna do but....i dono, its just funny how things happen....other things have been happening with a girl that i dont know weather to persue or let go...its not who you prolly think it is.....unless it is.....in which case...way to go...but anyway...i dono im like.....90 percent sure that it wont work out just for various reasons....friends, summer....friends, just different types of people and this would normally be the point where i would say something very seestedt like such as "heartbreak is better than regret" but i decided that its not better at all.....there is that 10 percent chance that it'll work, but i dont like those odds...i like this person....but i dono, 90 percent chance of broken heart isnt looking to appealing....i dono. its like......ive decided to like/love (im not sure of the difference any more....sad but true) i use them interchangeably....anyway ive decided to like or love anyone that shows me any sort of caring and like or love. anyone that hugs me or shows me affection or says kind words...i cling to....i dont like it at all. i should really stop saying love to people...unless i really mean it.....its kinda like kissing i guess......i only really kiss people if it means something....i guess in a sense im being a "love slut" saying it to much to people without really thinking about it......i dono, thats really bad of me, not that anyone prolly cares...cause everyone always thinks im joking....but i dont care if it bothers anyone else...it bothers me....like....a while ago, i realized that whenever i made a punch motion towards people that they would flinch like i was going to hit them, and i realized that whenever i did that i usually hit them...so i tried to stop hitting people and its worked.....well atleast as good as i hoped it would .... so yeah...i dono, i tell people i love them alot now.. thats bad....but in a way i really do....like theres this one girl i always say i love, and i saw we should get married and shes older than me with a boyfriend, and she knows im just joking....but when i say things like that...i dono....i kinda wish it would happen...i mean not right now obvously but when i say that to someone its someone i can see that happening with KAREN and theres this other girl...and i dont really see her much ....and i always say "i love you...you should love me back, itll be fun i promise" and its kinda bad.....cause i mean it...it would be awesome if they loved me cause i could just imagine being with them and how awesome it would be......but i know it wont happen....i dono....i wish it would but...i dont know if im ready for something like that yet.....i dono if i would be good enough for her.....i dont wanna be myself when im with her...i want to be better.....than me...but i cant...im only me....thats all i can be i guess...i just wish i was better.....NCOLE MOUNT So yeah i have a band now....me and dave......we had a show friday and saturday. that went pretty well i thought....nothing real big, acustic friday and real saturday..we sounded good i though. i dono they wanna get serious soon, that sounds good, it would be neat if we got really good and got signed and stuff....im not really counting on that but...i would like if that happened. im still hateing everything i write lyrics wise....i wrote a guitar part that i liked though...its actually good i think...atleast untill i decide i hate it....its whatever....ill live...i guess ill write later...im kinda......bored.....yeah |