| Yet another page.......i realized there leading nowhere but........thats kinda what im writing about..... people are always telling me how much potential i have...thats saying 2 things right off the bat...first off its saying that im not good enough......even though they may say "wow your really good, you have alot of potential...." thats saying wow....your real good, but you could be better....why arnt you better...? whats wrong with you......and the second thing that its saying is that they think they know you well enough to tell you what your future could hold.....fuck that.....most of the time people say that (atleast to me) and half of them i dont even know......or i do but not well...its like how dare you tell me how good i could be....i could be maxed out potential wise and be stuck here...my guitar teacher and parents tell me that i have so much potential all the time....it really piss's me off.....my parents do know that i have potential...but after talking to me about it numerous times and me not caring enough to persue this so called "potential" you would think they get the idea that i dont care, and i may have potential but i dont care at all.... and my guitar teacher....this ass has no idea about anything that i have at all...he doesnt know anything about me besides i come into guitar and play, and i play trumpet for his jazz band...and he tells me constantly that if i would just try harder....i would be really good, and i have such potential....sorry im not fucking good enough for you......sorry that maybe i dont want to be a great guitar player......maybe im content playing songs with 4 chords....i dont want to play classical guitar.....i dont want to have potential to play things i will never use.....and its the same with trumpet....he says...ah...your solo was better tonight...but it still has such potential.......screw you....maybe i like the way it sucks....maybe its the best i can do....its not...but he doenst know that....you dont know me enough to tell me what i can and cant do.......your to busy playing your damn 6v2 adn 5v4 scales to realize that i dont care how much potential you think you see in me....if i dont want to be better your not the person to tell me differently....noone is....its all up to me how good i want to be at something...... and potential.....lets say i follow through with it all...what is being a better guitar player going to do for me....alright i can play my scales faster than everyone in my class....what does it prove? .....what im a striving for? im not going to be a classical musician when i grow up.....why do i need to use my potential to something that after highschool wont matter anyway?.....and even if it does there will always be someone better than me saying.....why arnt you better....and...why im i bettering myself anyway....to be better than the next person ? i dont need to be superior...i dont need to be better than everyone...i dont need to be better than anyone.... creativity....thats another thing....kinda goes along with the solo and the whole potential thing.....potential kinda hits a brick wall when your creativity dies down...thats what has happened to me, i used to be able to write music and be content with it....but my creativity has run out....i used it all up....i cant write anything that sattisfies me......my songs that i write in guitar just dont seem good anymore...and i can play whatever you want me to play...but when it comes to playing something origional...im stuck...i cant think of anything....i used up all my creativity in my younger and more vounerable years.....my songs that ive written in the past seem to suck now...my lyrics which i was always kinda proud of in the back of my mind....i read over them yesterday....well last night.....and i realized they were all shit....i dont think ive been more ashamed of anything else as much as these dumb lyrics.....i dont know...they just seem so bland and like i was trying to hard to be emotional through this writing....and i just hate them.....i need something material.....i need to write things i can be proud of......i have nothing to be proud of.....theres nothing.........im not even proud of this site....its getting my emotions out and i cant stand it...it serves no real purpose....the same group of maybe four people willl read this and think to themselves "what is wrong with this kid...why isnt he ever happy with anything he does......" i hate that feeling.....i dont like myself.... |
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| I drew this...im kinda proud of it....but its not creative...i know people that draw...there creative....this isnt.... |
| EVEN WHEN YOU DREAM ABOUT ME, IM ALONE AREN'T I ? |