| I'm Dieing.....And i decided you're coming with me... |
| have alot of ideas for this page some good, most bad but i need to write so im going to..... i was thinking last night how much it would suck to have amnesia....i was watching resident evil the other day and the girl had temporary amnesia. It sucked cause she didnt remember anything and little by little she remembered and got back to herself. I guess it would be pretty cool to come back and be this really hot secret agent , zombie killing person....but along the way people tried to convince her that they were different than they really were. And she doenst know the difference because she doenst remember anything....i think thats what im afraid of now.....if i somehow got amnesia how would i go about things....i mean how would you go about things with me? if we had a horrible friendship in the past, you could come up to me and just be like "Oh hey, ...oh you dont remember...we were best friends" and i would have to believe you...becasue i wouldnt know any better, you could fuck with me real bad....but i wouldnt even know the difference. If we were great friends and you hated me, you could just temporarily change and be like "we were never friends to start out with" and i would have to go with it....it wouldnt only be a new beginning for me, it would be a new beginning for everyone and everything around me....im theroughly convinced that it would suck to have amnesia....yeah there would be the benifit of being able to start fresh with everyone...but you have to wonder how i would act.....im sure it wouldnt be like i do now....because i wouldnt know enough to be the smartass that i am....and i would end up not remembering things and looking dumb......i was watching this show....where the guy lost his memory like every day....so he come up with this elaborate plan to tattoo important stuff on his skin...that was genious....he wouldnt have to worry about the pain...cause the next day he would forget it....and he would beable to remember things by the tattoos on his skin....if was really messed up though, because there was this one girl and she was messing with his head, and she pulled a gun on him, and he beat the hell out of her....and she left.....and she walked through the door like 20 minutes later, and he had forgotten everything, and she convinced him that her husband beat her, so he went and kicked the husbands ass....thats what im afraid of people fucking with me like that....after thinking about all of this stuff, i was thinking about starting to keep a journal, but i decided, that it would be to long and time consuming to do something like that, and the chances of me getting amnesia are very slim...but it still freaks me out... anyway new subject, so im really into stars now....ive always been into the real ones...like in the sky, but lately ive been overtaken by the actual shape of stars.....like you know the 5 pointed ones....ive been drawing them all over the place....my hands, ankles, books, mouse pad, wrapping paper, there just everywhere, my shoes, yeah so there real cool, and if you look at all the bands that use them to, Rufio, 5 days, im sure theres tons more....stars are just amazing....and ive been into these new stars that i saw somewhere....think one of my friends tattoos, its a star but each point is devided in two and the two halfs meet in the center, and all of the points are like that...so the star is basicly seperacted into 10 and every other space is colored in and remainder are now.....so there pretty cool, they look sweet, next time you see me ask and ill show you, cause ill prolly have them all over myself....so yeah stars continue to be amazing in my mind.... ok so maybe there wernt as many topics as i thought there were gonna be one more....but you shouldnt read it unless your name is nicole....cause im too much of a pussy to email her...so im just going to write it here.....and hope that she reads it.....even though it wont change anything.....and she most likely wont read this anyway...but yeah im gonna write it....near the bottom |
| yeah so this is to nicole....cause yeah.....i miss you alot...and i cant stand not talking to you......im trying not to care about whats going on but i cant......i hate not talking to you...i hate you not talking to me, i have how this has all gone down, im not to sure i understand why were not talking.....im not 100% ill ever know why.....all i know is that im miserable.....crying myself to sleep on christmas eve miserable,,,,,i dont want this to continue....i need you, i need to smell you, i need to hug you......i need to touch you face....i need to hide your keys so you cant leave.....i need to hear your voice....without any of that....therse nothing left to live for....nothing, school doesnt matter, my family doesnt matter, nothing.....i love you.....friend once told me not to waste my time on someone who isnt willing to waste time on you....even if your not willing to waste time on me......i still love you, ill be waiting for you when you come back.....and if you dont come back....ill be waiting.....and if you never come back.....ill always be waiting for you ....i need you.....nothing is worth anything when your not around.....your like a poem i found from e.e. cummings.... "When my love comes to see me it�s Just a little like music, a little more like curving colour (say Orange) Against silence, or darkness�.The coming of my love emits A wonderful smell in my mind You should see when I turn to find, Her how my least heart beat becomes less And then all her beauty is a vise,Wholes stilling lips murder suddenly me," you are the color in my day, you are the music againts silence...you make my day....and not talking to you is killing me...im sure its my own ignorant fault in some way that escapes me right now...but i cant sleep, i cant think....cant eat....without you....your everywhere....everywhere i look there you are...everythings i seei reminds me of you.....i cant take it.....ive tried everything i could think of....i cant get over you....ive tried....theres no use....you are the only person whos made me feel like im useful....your the only person whos every truely hugged me back.....your the first person that i fell in love with.....i miss you so much.....i need you....i hate seeing you upset....i dont want things to keep going like this.....i want to be able to email you without the thought that you wont read it...i want to talk to you....i want to be able to leave the house without the fear of seeing you and it crushing me....i want so much......i want you.....your smile is keeping me alive.....i dont know what else to say.....i cant think striaght......i cant breath....i love you |
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| thats kinda how the star is...like devided like that...but its a normal star instead of the gay nautical one...but yeah...devided just like that.... |