| Censorship reflects a societies lack of confidence in itself |
| Yeah i said i was gonna try to keep things up beat and stop trying to be pessimistic and i was doin good but.... im gonna write whats on my mind so i decided if its not good oh well. As you know i started this web page to write how i feel and to vent about whats goin on and what not. Well it really sucks how sometimes no matter how much you want to say something thats on your mind you just cant say it for one reason or another.. as much as you need to get it out you cant. One reason is that even though this is a way to get feelings out you just dont want everyone to know or just because it would make people mad. not nessesarily you the reader but friends and other people. I just wanted to say that i think it sucks and so far this page does too but whatever |
| What else is really pissing me off lately is how everything is so god damn complicated. Its not like it used to be back when we were kids. you cant just say sorry and make things better, no kiss on my skinned knee will make it fee better. Nothin is simple anymore nothing is easy. Everything now is just keeping everyone else happy and off your back. Why does everything have to be all drug out and a fight to the death. I dont know about you but i was fine with the days where a sorry would fix anything. To many things happen to fast and it seems like the days dont have enough time in them for everything i need to do. And its official the world is out to get me. Even this page has fallen into mis-use by me because i had to much crap goin on. And now that everything has fallen apart and left me wondering what happened here i am writing on this page again. Nothing is easy, even the most simple things become a hastle and make more of a problem then they should. Stuff like rideing my bike has become complicated. The thing that was always easy for me and was always an escape is becomeing a hastle. I have to find time between school, my band (that kicked me out) my other hobbies (i have none now that my amp blew out) and just everyday crap. I never thought i would not have enough time for bikeing but somehow i dont. Everyone has to have what they want when they want it also. I've just began to realize that. Its not good enough to be back at 5:45 for dinner at 6 like i always am. I have to be home at 5. No specail reason, just because thats what they wanted. I'm also realizeing that unlike when were kids, everything has more than one meaning. When we were kids everything was simple. Now everything i say someone takes wrong or it has more than one meaning that someone takes the wrong way. I seem to be causing problems that i didnt even know were possible and i seem to be the route of everyone else's problems. There was always this joke between me and my friends that whenever something happened i always go blamed for it, so when something would happen they would jokeingly say "it's kevin's fault" But now i feel like everything that happens is my fault. People are pissed off and be it directly or indirectly its actually starting to be my fault more and more. Its really spooky. I dont know, as kristie would put it..."kevin, your an asshole" i think that pretty much sums up what im feeling....yes...that sums it up quite well.. ill write later...enough for now |