damnit

My motto follows through again for those of you who dont know it its L.A.B. ( Lifes a Bitch)
It was deffenately proved last night. I'll start from the begginging. I always read chris seestedts pages and he was the inspiration for mine. He wrote in one "love is a dependecy. Love is amazing, yet fleeting, please, chase it. Dont turn your back and ignore it, tell that person right now how much you care, please." Well all the times i did what seestedt told me this was one that i should have listened to.

I was talking to this girl that i liked/ like lastnight and somehow we were got onto the topic of who i liked and we were talking about past relationships and i told her that i liked her during band. And actually i still do. Anyway she told me that she had the biggest crush on me but she said that she was to old for me. I hate that. I know that it shouldnt matter if you really like the person about age but L.A.B. and it does matter. And really life is a bitch. this morning i wrote this page and i had like 3 pages and then i saved it and went to add it to my homepage as a link and it didnt save so here i am now writing it over again

Why couldnt my parents have had me 2 years earlier? All of my friends are older and it seems like everyone im attracted to is older or to old for me. DAMNIT. I hate age to further chris's page. I hate everything about it. Were not only defined by age were limited by it. Like yeah im 15 years old, a teenager, why the hell should that define who i am? And were not only limited to thinks like driving and voteing and drinking but our ages limit us to who we can date. shes 2 years older school wise and i guess theres some kind of unwritten rule that your not supposed to go out with people 2 years younger. im still gonna give asking her out a try because once again like chris says "heartbreak is better than regret." i guess hes right but i can feel myself being set up for heartbreak. She said that she liked me and my heart kinda jumped and then the old "but then theres the age difference" hit me like a fist.

Some people would say its her issue but as much as it is her issue everyone else plays a major part in it im sure. She said in the conversation that she was getting shit from her friends for even liking me. You know what i say to that? FUCK OFF let her fucking choose who she wasnts to like and if you dont like it you can go to hell and keep it to yourself. I might have had a chance with her but you bastards ruined it. Well now that i got that out.

Still think it woulda been better if i told her then. woulda saved me most of what im feeling now. Im still gonna tell her so theres no regret but i dont think it will help at all knowing that L.A.B.

Even if things dont go as expected ( which by the way things are working out so it seams) just memember that there is a light at the end of every tunnel and if you dont believe it email me and ill prove it to you. Im so damn happy right now. Good news at just the right time made my day and i am smileing, i never smile. Im so estatic i cant even sit here and type. more to come

ill keep ya updated on what happens and if this damn thing doesnt save im gonna break my computer