2young

why I'm I too young for everything?

I have noticed that most of my friends, well not really friends, I�ll explain that one later,
but people that I consider friends are older than me. And the more I think about it the
more it sucks. I mean yeah its cool now and I can get advice and I can just talk about
stuff and all that good junk. But I mean in the next 3 years there all going to be gone
and I'm going to be bored to death. I have a few senior friends that have great stories
and advice that are going to leave this year for collage and then the juniors are leaving in 2 and sophomores in 3 all my friends are going to be gone except for like 3. I think I'm going to die of boredom and all the stories and advice is going to be gone, I also found thatI have a pessimistic outlook on the future also. I don't look at it as "I still have 3 more years to spend with my friends" I see it as "what the hell am I going to do in 3 years? when all of my friends are gone." I don't know to much has gone on in the last 2 months and my whole outlook on life has changed. I was looking for a stable
relationship and stuff and now I don't know no what I want. Stable relationships are
really great but all the pain and aggravation that goes with them is a killer. I don't
know and I have been really lonely lately. Its not that I don't know hang out with
people. I do more so than usual but I think Chris got it write when he said "I've been
thinking, a surprise to even myself. Is there ever a time when you aren't truly lonely?"
and I don't know I find myself with people I love and it feels like there's something
missing. I just can�t put my finger on it? And another thing I've noticed is that I am
such a poser. For example I find myself stealing quotes from Chris more and more
and I steal his and bobs words like sweeto's and slut. I guess it can all be summed
up in this quote. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I guess I�m just not
Talented enough to think of my own cool catch fazes. I don't know what I�m going to
do with out all of my older friends but I think ill manage. And another thing that I've
noticed is that everything is getting more and more complex for me by the day. Not
just in my love life and my relationships with my friends but with school work too. I've
always kind of done well in school, when I was trying, and it always came easy and I
never really had to work. And in the last few weeks everything seems so confusing
and complex and I just don�t get it? that might just also be some of the confusion from
my relationships too and my friends too. I just guess I don�t have that great of luck
with women. Every time I try to make a steady relationship it always backfires and
drags me along for the ride. The tip party is coming up and I�m pretty excited about that, I should be excited about the tip but I don�t know? it doesn�t seem like a big deal at the moment. I�m sure as the week goes on I will get more excited and all but now i'm not.

Another thing ive been thinking about is school and how bad its becomeing. Today we were talking about lock down drill and how if intruders come into the building that we lock down the school and all the doors. How sick is the world. I mean we cant even go and learn at school with out the fears of people with guns and bombs coming in and killing us. My one teacher was telling me that she had to get homocide insurence. The school made her so if one of us came in and killed her, her children would get more money. How horrible is that? to think that you go to a job u love everyday and have to worry about being killed???

She was also saying that they had a team of teachers that were taught by the swat team and had to learn restraining moves and stuff. Its just disgusting that we have to even think about people with guns and bombs coming into the school. I mean i understand why all this is happening because of other incodents around the country and stuff but what is the world comeing too? Cant even go and get educated with out the threat of bombs and guns.

THe teachers have plans about what to do and where to go and how to handle the situation , A situation which shouldn't be happening , and they used time mapping out all of this. They were talking about having cops and armed people in the hallways and all of that. And its just disgusting to even think about what the world is comeing to. I just find it really agrivating to think that the world is so sick and twisted that people have to worry about going to school.

10/25/01

      Getting back to the whole "sick sad world" thing, yesterday i got a call from the principal. Yeah thats when i go "o god what did i do this time" but anyway, and he asked for my mom. (im really in trouble this time) and my mom is talking for a while and im on the computer and she hangs up and tells me that someone sent my math teacher a threatening email because she was making our whole class stay after because we were talking.

      I understand that its not fun and that people have more important things and responsibilities than to stay after school but what kind of sick person sends threatening emails? that is not only sick is dumb. And they got the persons S/N and thats great becasue that person should be punished. I understand that people were mad but if your dumb enought to send threatening emails than you need more than to stay after school if you know what i mean. That just shows how dumb and sick and pathetic people are these days.

      Another thing that bothered me was on the way to school theres this sign that says "Drug Free School Zone" and the other day in the court yard my friend found this hacky sack when we were leaving so u know, finder keepers losers suck. so we took it. my friend took it home and went to bleed it ( for those of you who know what that means) and when he opened it up he found a dime bag inside. Thats messed up.

      Its dumb enough to bring drugs to school but to leave them lying around is even dumber. It's kind of a reality check. My friend turned it in and all but or so called "Drug Free School Zone" is getting worse every month. They should really look into that. I've got to hand it to them that was a hell of a hiding spot but still thats not the point. I think that if your gonna do your drugs , which you shouldnt do anyway, at least have the common sense not to do them in school. These people are just dumb. what more can i say?