Willow groaned and turned over shoving her head under her pillow, when the ringing didn't stop she peeked out from her hiding place and poked a hand towards the offending item. Slamming her palm down on the alarm button she gingerly slid out of bed, but the minute her feet hit the carpet she collapsed in a heap on the floor, she tried to stand but her stomach wouldn't allow her, so she pulled herself to the bathroom on her hands and knees and reached up to turn on the hot water for a bath, maybe that would make her feel a little better. She finally managed to drag herself into a standing position by hauling herself up on the basin. She stared in the mirror for a few minutes, but it wasn't Willow Rosenberg that stared back, it was some shrivelled, withered looking girl with sunken eyes and very pronounced cheek bones. She decided then that she couldn't stay here, in Sunnydale, surrounded by magick and power and be able to either stay on the wagon or even survive. She didn't know where she was going to go but she just couldn't stay, her friends hated her and thought she deserved everything she got, and without her friends she didn't know whether she'd even get through the day let alone all this.
* * * * * * * * *
Willow stumbled through the door of the Magick Box and went to sit at the study table. She got her laptop out and booted up. She looked up and saw Anya watching her, she seemed to be the only person that treated her with anything other than disdane, maybe it was the ex-demon thing, or maybe she just didnt care...but it was a refreshing change not to have to keep her eyes lowered to the carpet constantly and try not to say anything for fear of being attacked by the others. Thier words shouldnt have hurt, she should have been able to brush it off, but she couldnt, they really hit home and she didnt feel like she could take anymore, she had deceived the ones she loved most and so she should just take her lumps. She was of the bad, she`d become a junkie and she deserved the ridicule and coldness. It was too cold though, everytime she stepped into a room the tension went up two notches and it felt like it was pushing in on her.
She logged on and opened her mail account, she checked her mails and found one from Angel and Cordy, her lips twitched slightly at the thought of the stoic and brooding vamp and the prom queen turned detective. They had been the only ones to not shun her through all of this, they`d shown support and love and had talked her out of doing some really stupid things, when it all first happened she thought she might go crazy, she`d mailed cordy and told her everything and that she didnt want to go on fighting if it was always gonna be like this. Cordy had been a tower of strength telling her that she was the toughest and strongest person she knew and not to give up cos she would always be there for her. It had surprised Willow, the power of her words and the sentiment behind them, they`d never been great friends but when it came to this she was the best friend Willow could hope for. Angel had seemed disgusted by the way her so called friends had been treating her, "every one makes mistakes Willow" He had said, and he should know, he then commented that he wasnt really surprised at thier actions because he knew best of all how un-forgiveing and un-relenting they could be, after he`d returned from hell Willow and Cordy had been the only two people to care how he was or what he was feeling, and after they`d badgered him into starting to live again, he had finally seen that what Angelus had done was not his fault, none the less he still felt the guilt and still tried to atone, and he would keep trying until the day he died.
A small reprieve had come in the form of Conner, he was a father and he was happy, not too happy of course, but happy, for the first time in a long while, and Willow was pleased for him, she truly was, and she didnt judge him about the mistake he`d made with Darla, didnt chastise him for it, just helped him through it and saw what a beautiful gift the vampire had in his son.
She snapped back to life and clicked on the msg header..
