Part 9

 

Sunday April 14, 1912

 

The day dawned brisk, clear, sunny, and cold. Buffy walked back and forth, rubbing her hands together over the first class promenade. She was up early. For some unknown reason, Buffy had wanted to see the sunrise for the first time in her life. Of course, seeing it rise while she was in the middle of the ocean was a lot different from seeing it come over a hill. Still, she was glad all the same

 

Stretching out, she shook her arms. Already, the lack of slaying was catching up to her, and she was afraid that her limbs would be nothing but jelly when she arrived in America. She almost wished that the trip would last a little longer. It was nice to get away. No more slaying… no more duty… just a normal girl taking a normal voyage on a normal ship.

 

A small smile crept over her lips when she thought of the irony in that. It probably was one major upset with the Powers, that the slayer had fallen in love with a vampire during her one and only vacation. 

 

Shivering a little despite her strong resolve not to, Buffy decided that it was probably time for her to go inside and sit down to breakfast with her mother.

 

Buffy found her mother and Giles getting ready to knock on her door when she came down the hallway. Putting on her best smile, she walked up to the two of them. “Hi!” she said cheerfully, causing both of them to jump in surprise.

 

Hand held dramatically over her heart, Joyce frowned. “Good heavens. Buffy, what are you doing wandering around? You scared me silly!” She squinted at her daughter. “Where’s your hat?”

 

Buffy groaned inwardly. “I must have left it with my slayer handbook. You know, the one that warns me not to sneak up on people.”

 

Giles shot her a warning glare. After thinking her words over a minute, Joyce let out a high-pitched laugh. “Oh, Buffy! You say the funniest things!”

 

“Mmmm,” Buffy muttered as a reply. Seeing as her mother had let the hat topic drop, Buffy grabbed her elbow and dragged her towards the dining room.

 

Giles followed slowly behind the two women, only picking up snatches of their conversation. One thing Joyce said made him wince, he was fairly certain, just as much as it did Buffy.

 

“Buffy, did you hear? The Captain is leading a service today after breakfast! Isn’t that exciting?”

 

Buffy forced down a yawn as she stood ramrod straight. Blah, blah, blah, praise the lord, blah, blah, blah, all holy and awesome one. She just didn’t get it. A once devoted catholic, Buffy now only believed in the pain crosses and holy water could cause a vampire. The praying part really didn’t do much, besides the fact that vampires generally didn’t like churches. Still, since her mother was keeping a fairly firm grip on her arm, Buffy decided that it would be best if she kept her revelations to herself.

 

Not being able to help herself, she glanced around. Apparently, the third class passengers had been allowed to join the service, and most of them were looking around with a mixture of awe and resentment at the riches the first class got to enjoy.

 

Buffy stifled another yawn. Already she was bored. She didn’t think that five minutes had gone by. ‘Well, that’s a record. You haven’t thought about Angel for a whole five minutes. I think you’re slipping, Buffy.’ Sighing softly to herself, she thought happily of his beautiful eyes as the Captain drowned on.

 

Angel awoke sometime around mid-day. He tried not to let it bother him too much. Less than a week in the life of Buffy Summers, and he was already beginning to strip himself of his vampire habits. Not being able to sleep during the day was definitely not one of the bonuses. He was stuck for at least another five hours before he could actually leave his stateroom.

 

Of course, his days seemed to be following a particular pattern. He would try and sleep, but a quick succession of people would come knocking on the door. First the woman that he had fallen in love with, then some macho guy swearing that he was from an organization called the Intitave, and, finally, some girl that he still couldn’t remember the name of. ‘Cara? Cord… something.’ Shrugging, Angel decided that he didn’t really care.

 

When he did hear a knock on his door, Angel wasn’t the least bit surprised. It was getting to be such a regular occurrence that he was certain if a day came without a surprise visit, his entire routine would be ruined.

 

Giles tried to stand up straighter and make his chest seem a little bit wider when Angel opened his door. Not that he had come to yell at the vampire. He just wanted to make sure that Angel still had the same worries in mind that Giles did.

 

Angel narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the watcher. “Rupert Giles, right?” he said in way of greeting.

 

Giles nodded and walked into the stateroom. He looked around quickly, making sure not to let any details slip him by. He noticed with approval that the room was neat and clean. It didn’t seem at all like the dirty vampire lair he had been expecting.

 

“Not to seem rude,” Angel said, watching the watcher with a predator’s gaze, “but what are you doing here?”

 

Giles turned to look him in the eye. “I’m somewhat worried over Buffy’s safety.”

 

“I won’t hurt her,” Angel bit out tersely. Body tense, Angel sighed wearily. He didn’t want to be reminded of his constant doubts yet again.

 

“No, I don’t suppose you will.” Walking around the small room slowly, Giles did a very dangerous thing and let his back be exposed to the vampire. He truly didn’t believe that Angel was out to hurt anyone. Turning sharply around, Giles face was a hard mask. “That doesn’t mean that your relationship is good for her.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Angel tried not to let the man’s words get to him. “I didn’t think so either.”

 

“That seems to have changed some.”

 

Angel let out a short chuckle. “Buffy… can be quite convincing when she wants to be.”

 

Giles raised his eyebrows. “Yes. She is that.”

 

Letting his shoulders sag, Angel went and sat down on his bed. Leaning backwards, he regarded the watcher with a look of defeat. “I’m sure that you aren’t going to tell me something that I haven’t already told myself. I’m a vampire… and I have to live like one.”

 

“You have a soul.”

 

“I do,” Angel agreed. “But that doesn’t stop the urges.”

 

Not quite sure what to say to that, Giles took off his glasses and started to clean them so he wouldn’t have to look at the vampire any longer.

 

“I haven’t fed on a human being since that day,” Angel said sharply, causing Giles to look up at him.

 

Hands steady, Giles replaced his glasses before answering him. “Then perhaps, you do have something to offer Buffy. I’m not a fool. Any man that she gets involved with would be in grave danger.”

 

“I’d die for her,” Angel promised.

 

Regarding him solemnly Giles nodded.  “I believe that you would.”

 

“It still doesn’t make me the right person for her.”

 

“I didn’t say that.” Giles cleared his throat and stumbled onto his last words with great difficulty. “I didn’t say that. I want Buffy to be safe… and happy.”

 

Angel sucked in a deep breath. “That’s what I want, too.”

 

“Can you give that to her?”

 

“It won’t ever be easy…  but I would do the best I could.”

 

Looking him sharp in the eye, everything in Giles rebelled against the acceptance of his mortal enemy. “Prove it.”

 

The Dining Hall was full of animated chatter and laughter. Glasses glinted, and smiles adorned the faces of the first class passengers. Buffy didn’t notice any of the merriment. When she sat down to dinner that night, she had one mission. To tell her mother that she never loved Riley. And would never be able to love him.

 

And maybe she’d even bring up Angel and see what kind of a reaction she got.

 

She noticed that Giles kept avoiding her eye, and she was a little disappointed since she was hoping he would be able to help with the moral support. In fact, he was acting down right strange around her, and she began to wonder what she had done to ruffle his wings this time.

 

The dinner started off fine, with lots of polite conversation about all the fine things that people had seen and done that day. Buffy yawned and nodded her way through it. When Riley and Cordelia made their dramatic entrance, griping each other’s arms and laughing gaily, Buffy grabbed her mother’s arm.

 

“I need to talk to you,” she whispered.

 

Joyce looked around frantically. “Right now? I’m in the middle of a nice dinner.”

 

Buffy tried to look sad and gestured unhappily to the newfound couple. “Please?”

 

Nodding, Joyce sighed and got up. “You know,” she said as her daughter led her over the Grand Staircase and to the outside of the ship, “when I said you could tell me anything, I didn’t mean that you could tell me anything during dinner.”

 

Buffy ignored her mother and the stinging cold as she chewed her lip thoughtfully. She was trying to find a strategy that would break the news easiest to the elder Summers woman. 

 

“Buffy, what’s this all about?” Joyce questioned.

 

Turning away from her, Buffy sighed. “You know Riley?”

 

“Of course I know Riley!” Touching her daughters arm light, Joyce turned so she could look her in the eye. “Are you still broken up about him?”

 

Buffy struggled with the right words to use and finally settled on bluntness. “No, Mom, I can’t stand Riley.” Off Joyce’s bewildered look, Buffy continued. “I met someone… the first day we arrived on the ship. I… I think… Mom, have you ever been in love?”

 

Joyce’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Who is he?”

 

“His name is Angel,” Buffy answered. “Mom… I’ve never felt this way before.”

 

“Buffy, you lied to me.” Buffy’s head snapped up, stunned at the venom she heard in her mother’s voice. “You’ve been seeing a man and you didn’t think he was good enough for you to tell me about him

 

“No… it isn’t like that,” Buffy protested weakly.

 

“No? It wasn’t, hmm? Well, then, what was it? Dangerous to keep it a secret? Did it make it more romantic? Did you enjoy lying to me?”

 

“Mom, I didn’t lie to you! There are things that I just can’t tell you about!”

 

Joyce’s eyes flashed. “I’m your mother, Buffy.”

 

“I really care about him,” Buffy murmured, “I really do.”

 

“Then you should have told me about him,” Joyce replied, hurt in her voice.

 

“Mom….” Buffy whispered, but she was gone.

 

Eyes filling with tears, Buffy stumbled to the edge of the ship. Looking out she shivered as a draft of strong wind hit her. She barely noticed the goose bumps that sprung out on her arms and legs, protected only by a simple cocktail dress. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she stayed outside shivering.

 

That was how Angel found her. Awash in her pain and misery she stood in the darkness, griping the cross that she wore around her neck. Approaching her slowly, he knew that she could feel his arrival and he gently slipped his arms around her.

 

Leaning back, she sighed as she was enveloped in his cool embrace. “What’s wrong?” he murmured into her ear. 

 

Shaking her head, she didn’t say anything as she held him tightly. “It doesn’t matter now.”

 

“It matters to me,” Angel pressed.

 

She peered up at him with tear stained eyes. “Nothing. I made a mistake.”

 

“You made a mistake?” He questioned, fear in his words.

 

Cupping his cheek, Buffy pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Not you. My mother.”

 

His mind a whirlwind at the sensation of being so close to her, Angel forced himself to concentrate on her words. “She loves you. Whatever happened, you’ll work out.”

 

Buffy gave him a brilliant smile. “I know,” she sniffled. “Kiss me?”

 

Angel did as she requested and the couple shared a long lingering kiss. Angel pulled away only when he felt her shivering. Taking off his coat, he placed it on her shoulders. “You should get inside.”

 

Wrapping the jacket around herself gratefully, Buffy looked at him worriedly. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep this? I don’t want you to be cold.”

 

Smiling, Angel pulled her into his arms. “I’m a vampire. I can’t really feel temperatures.”

 

Snuggling against him, Buffy felt herself relax as she breathed in his cool scent. “That’s always a plus.”

 

Angel was about to argue when he decided that it just wouldn’t be worth it. “Why don’t we go inside?”

 

Buffy shook her head. “I’m quite comfortable where I am, thank you very much.”

 

“Hmmm.” In one sweep, Angel lifted her easily off the ground and into his arms.

 

Buffy giggled and leaned against him. “I’m guessing that the vampire strength can come in handy, too.”

 

Laying a quick kiss on her lips, Angel smiled sweetly. “It has its uses.”

Buffy blushed as her mind conjured up all kinds of dirty thoughts that his words implied. Carrying her inside to the warm interior of the ship, Angel put her down when other passengers gave them weird looks. Holding onto her hand, Angel let her guide him through the ship.

 

“Where are we going?” He finally asked.

 

“I have no idea,” Buffy admitted with a shrug. “I’m trying to find your stateroom.”

 

“Huh,” Angel muttered, deciding *not* to mention that they were going in the wrong direction.

 

“Oh! Did you hear about Riley and Cordy?” Buffy drawled.

 

“Cordy?” Angel questioned in confusion.

 

Buffy gave him a sidelong glance. “You don’t know who Cordelia is?”

 

Angel frowned. “Is she that dark haired girl? Likes to talk a lot?”

 

Buffy shook her head and let out a wry chuckle. “I was so jealous of her.”

 

Stopping suddenly, Angel forced Buffy to face him. “What?”

 

“Are we going to fight again?”

 

Tugging on her hand, Angel looked her deep in the eyes. “If this is going to work(,) you have to be honest with me.”

 

After mulling it over, Buffy reluctantly agreed. “I was a *little* jealous.”

 

“But… but… why? I didn’t even remember her name!” 

 

“Oh, please! She was slobbering all over you!”

 

Looking at her in wonder, Angel had to struggle not to gape. Didn’t she get it? Didn’t she know how much she meant to him? Didn’t she know that she was the *only* thing that he had been thinking about since he had first laid eyes on her?  “You don’t know…” he said in wonder.

 

“Know what?”

 

Grabbing her hand, Angel didn’t answer her question, but, rather, led her in the right direction of his stateroom.

 

Once inside, Buffy gave him a weird look as he let go of her hand and started pacing. He gestured towards his meticulously made bed. “Sit.”

 

Buffy sat, gaping at him. “Angel… what’s wrong?”

 

Angel continued to walk back and forth. “Did you really think that about Cordelia?”

 

“HA! I knew that you remembered her name!” Buffy cried triumphantly.

 

Angel stopped and looked at her. “Buffy… that’s… beside the point.”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Sure. You say that now… but later we’ll all know who was really right.”

 

“Buffy, I’m serious!” Angel growled.

 

Wounded, the smile was wiped off Buffy’s face. “She… she… I don’t know, she was Cordelia!” Faltering, Buffy trailed off, and looked miserably at Angel.

 

Angel sighed. “I’m sorry.” Sitting down next to her, he picked up her hand and gently rubbed his thumb against her palm. “What do you mean?” he asked softly, staring into her eyes.

 

Buffy gulped. Suddenly her mouth was *really* dry. After thinking it over a minute, she finally decided to just be honest. “Cordelia’s perfect. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s…” Buffy hesitated and looked away from him. “She’s a normal girl.”

 

Angel closed his eyes for a moment. “Is that what you want? For everything to be normal?” he said with difficulty.

 

“No!” Buffy forced her eyes back to his again, realizing that he didn’t understand what she was saying. “She has time to make herself pretty. She has time to dress nicely. She doesn’t have to worry about hiding a stake in her clothes.” She dropped her voice as if she was almost ashamed. “She has time to get ready to impress amazing men… like you. Why wouldn’t you go for someone like her?”

 

Flabbergasted, Angel was shocked into silence. Worried that she said something wrong, Buffy reached up and touched his cheek. Heart pounding, Buffy wondered wildly what she had said wrong. “Angel…?”

 

Her voice seemed to snap him out of his reverie. “How could you even *think* that?”

 

“I don’t know. It must have been the whole ‘looking perfect’ thing.”

 

Angel shook his head and pulled her hand over his dead heart. “If my heart was beating right now, you would be able to hear it pounding like an echo through the room. That’s what you do to me. I can’t think straight when I’m in the same room as you. No one has ever been able to turn everything that I thought I knew upside down before you. Cordelia?” Angel gestured angrily with his fist. “Cordelia is normal. Boring. You… you’re so much more than that.”

 

Buffy drew in a ragged breath. “I wasn’t that jealous of her,” she offered weakly.

 

“Yes, you were,” Angel responded.

 

Leaning towards him, Buffy hovered just inches away from his lips. “Suddenly I can’t remember why.”

 

Feeling her warm breath against his chin, Angel closed his eyes and fought for the words he’d been struggling so hard before to tell her. “Buffy?”

 

Pulling away from him, Buffy bit her lip in order to get control of her pounding heart. “What?”

 

A million different words and vows of love crossed Angel’s mind, none of which sounded right to him. Reaching up, he stroked the side of her face, lost deep in thought. “Sometimes I don’t understand why you can do this to me.”

 

“Do what?” she breathed. Trying not to, but not being able to help herself, Buffy’s eyes examined him. His beautiful angelic face, his sculpted arms and chest, his lush lips.

 

Buffy started trembling ever so slightly.

 

Picking up right away on her sudden change in demeanor, Angel’s struggle to form coherent thoughts continued. “You make me feel things…”

 

Looking at him, she traced the corner of his mouth. “You’re so beautiful,” she murmured wistfully.

 

“Do you love me?” he asked suddenly.

 

Shocked, Buffy pulled away and stared at him wide-eyed. ‘Oh, no, oh no, oh no, oh no.’ Still staring at him, she thought about the answer. It wasn’t that she wasn’t sure whether or not she loved him, she knew she did, but she was scared of admitting it. Terrified. The thought that he didn’t feel the same way about her was a fear so deep she was almost afraid of it.

 

Hurt by her silence, Angel suspected the worst. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, Angel stood and backed away from her. “I shouldn’t have asked you that,” he choked out with difficulty. “That was a… personal question.”

 

Buffy didn’t really hear anything but pounding of her heart in her own ears. Drawing her knees up to chest, she hugged them tightly before answering in a whisper soft voice. “I… I love you.”

 

Angel stared at her in wonder, not sure if her words were a figure of his imagination or real. “Wh… what did you say?”

 

“I love you,” she repeated, louder this time. Looking at him, she allowed the fear to show in her eyes. “I love you, Angel.”

 

He came towards, as if in a dream. She held out her hand and he grasped it, sitting down next to her. “I love you,” he admitted, almost as if it added a burden to his heart.

 

Buffy felt joy at hearing the three little words that meant so much, but her happiness was slightly overshadowed by the fact that he looked miserable. “What… what’s wrong?” she whispered in fear.

 

Eyes haunted, he looked at her sadly. “I love you,” he repeated. “I’m sorry… that I can’t be better… that I can’t stop it.”

 

Buffy shook her head, eyes filling with tears. “Don’t be sorry,” she pleaded. “I’m not.”

 

“I can’t help it…” Angel looked away from her. “And part of me feels weak, because I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

 

Gently, Buffy reached up and trailed her fingers through his hair. Wrapping her hand around his neck, she pulled him forward into a bruising kiss. “I want you to be happy,” she murmured when they parted.

 

Eyes ablaze, Angel didn’t say anything, but pulled her forward for another passionate kiss. Teeth nipped and tongues tasted. Hands roamed, touching and setting a path of fire. Buffy sighed, lost in the feel of him, knowing that she was on the brink of something new and exciting. His mouth wandered over her chin and neck, gently nipping at her skin and tasting her flesh.

 

Angel was breathing hard when he pulled away and looked into her eyes. “Maybe we should stop…”

 

Buffy reached for him and stopped his protests with a gentle but firm kiss. There was no more talking as he drew her down onto the bed. Moans and sighs could be heard from outside the room as the couple rejoiced in each other, feeling the soar of freedom.

 

Hours later, Buffy awoke sharply. She wasn’t sure what had happened, but there was an impeding sense of danger. Reaching over, she grasped for the comfort of her lover… and gave a little cry when she realized that he wasn’t there. Sitting up, she hugged the sheet to her chest and surveyed the room with apprehension.

 

The bed moved.

 

Gasping, she looked around wildly. “Angel?” she called softly. The deep penetrating darkness was her only reply. Shakily, she wrapped herself in the white sheet, and stood. Her heart lodged in her throat when she saw that the bed was nailed to the floor. It couldn’t have moved.

 

She was about to go out into the hall and see if anyone else had been awoken by the vibration of the ship when a sharp, scraping noise cut through the silence of Angel’s stateroom. It was like someone was dragging a fingernail along the outside of the ship. When the noise stopped, Buffy took a deep shuddering breath, and tried to calm herself down.

 

The engine stopped.

 

She could feel it the moment that it happened. The whole voyage on the ‘Titanic’ had been as smooth a ride as possible but for the low, comforting hum of the powerful engine. Now, it was gone, and tendrils of fear began to creep its way up Buffy’s spine.

 

What just happened?

 

And where was Angel?

 

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