Title: And Then It Was Goodbye Finn
Author: Goldy
Disclaimer: Is Riley tortured in a million horrible ways every episode of 'BTVS'? No! Then I guess I don't own it.
Synopsis: Riley dies. Wonderful isn't it?
Feedback: This is my first attempt at some kind of humor and my first Riley basher please let me know how I did!
Author's Notes: This story isn't meant to offend anyone I just got it stuck in my head and the idea wouldn't go away until I wrote it.

Buffy closed her eyes and willed something out there to give her the strength to carry on. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. It hurt. Everything hurt. The world was spinning and she wasn't sure where she would end up. She hoped that by closing her eyes she would be able to forget about the pain-or at least make it go away. No such luck. Seconds ticked by in slow motion. Buffy imagined putting her hands to her ears and yelling at the top of her lungs. Maybe she wouldn't die that way.

"And then when I was eight my best friend, at the time, and I milked this one cow... and you would never believe what happened, Buffy!" Riley said excitedly really getting into his wonderfully amazingly dull story. "The milk sprayed into my eyes!!!" Riley slapped his knee and laughed out loud like it was the funniest thing that he had ever heard in his whole life. "Isn't that hilarious, Buffy?"

Buffy nodded and went back to fantasizing. In this one she had put a large piece of duck-tape over his mouth and all he could make was little groaning noises. But it was so wonderful because Buffy could finally enjoy some piece and quiet for once!

"And then this one time when I was nine my best friend, at the time, and I got lost in the woods, and you would never believe what happened!" Riley cried jumping up and down wanting his girlfriend to be as happy about these reflections as he was.

Buffy yawned and felt her eyelids drooping. Frankly she wasn't sure how many more "Riley Funny Iowa Stories" she could take before dying of boredom. No wonder he had a new best friend every year-the guy was so boring that they probably all dropped like mosquitoes after spending more than an hour with him.

She wished that something would come and make him stop. Buffy was the slayer, but unfortunately "making Riley shut the hell up" wasn't part of her job. She prayed to the heavens that something-anything-would save her from this cruel and unusual punishment.

"My best friend and I were rescued by Bessie! The same cow that had sprayed milk into my eyes the years before! Isn't that the funniest thing that you have ever heard? I mean really, Buffy, how amazing is that?" Riley shrieked rolling around on the ground in hysterics.

This was it. Buffy was going to die. She just knew it.

Riley thumped the ground and let a loud high-pitched giggle. "Oh boy, do I ever miss old Bessie."

Buffy imagined Riley's head exploding into a million pieces and then each of those little pieces exploding into a million more. She was really getting into this newest fantasy when there was a loud shriek. Buffy's eyes opened just in time to see a large cow fall from the sky and land right on top of Riley squishing him like a bug.

Buffy looked up at the sky and then at the cow who was sitting on top of her boyfriend-ahh former. She considered this for a minute as she slowly got up and brushed off of her hands. Buffy walked over to the cow and stroked its head. "You saved my life girl," Buffy said happily as a smile crept over her face.

"No. I did." Buffy looked up to see a dark figure coming out into the light. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw who it was.

"Angel!" she cried as she came around to him and threw her arms around his neck. "You're walking in sunlight!"

Angel grinned broadly, "I got my shanshu, Buffy."

Buffy squealed happily. "But... how? When?"

"The Powers gave me this cow as a gift and told me to use it wisely as it would decide the fate of the world, and if I used her the right way then I would get my reward. By squishing Riley I did the world a big favour... but you don't mind do you?" Angel explained joyously until it came to the last part when he looked almost guilty.

Buffy shook her head empathetically. "No, no I don't mind. I just don't understand why you couldn't have done it sooner!"

Angel smiled lightly at her as if to apologize. Then taking her hand he told her this hilarious story where a slayer and an ex-vampire dance around a cow named Bessie and the thing underneath with the biggest smiles that the world had ever seen.

END:)

 

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