Mark His Words

Agree or disagree, you probably read Mark Weaver's Usenet posts just to see what his take is. Mark may be shift key-impaired, but he's seldom at a loss for words. Here are some of his vintage comments from 1998. Apparently he wasn't as witty before July. Do your own DejaNews search if you want to see the context in which some of these remarks were made.

Note: If you are humor-impaired, stop reading now.

Re: Who's this mark weaver guy?
1998/07/03 rec.bicycles.tech [self description and Zap Espinoza bashing]

you're probably right. if there's a single trait that characterizes me, it's probably going overboard, whether that's shouting my blatant opinions from the mountaintops or taking a never-before-seen turn to go explore in the midle of a 7 hr backcountry ride. sometimes that means i put my foot in my mouth, but my feet are small and my mouth is big, so i just take it out and say "D'oh!." At least I'm not spouting racist drivel, or writing endlessly about my kids with the trendy yuppie names (like some mtb writer/editor sorts).

Re: Magic beans and pedal efficiency
1998/07/09 rec.bicycles.tech [on clipless pedals]

i must ask, what the hell are you talking about? I would say that pretty much all serious riders use clipless pedals. i don't care if you don't, but there's obviously something wrong with you if that's the case. I raced for years with toeclips and straps. they're fine if you're a luddite. real clipless pedals are comfier, more secure, easier to release and don't require any loosening or tightening based on where you're riding. perhaps by "recreational rider" you mean the family with kids on training wheels riding down the bike path. if that's the case, you're right that clipless pedals aren't particularly necessary or useful. I sold bikes for 6 years and we had 2 types of clipless pedal customers 1. spastic goofballs who couldn't figure out how to twist their feet sideways to release. 2. normal people who thought clipless pedals were one of the most important features on a bicycle.you choose the category in which you feel you belong.

disclaimer: nowhere in this post am i suggesting that anyone is a fatass jerk. the velosapiens organization does not condone the use of terms such as"fatass" or "jerk" or "redneck texan non-bike-riding wienie" to describe other individuals.

Re: Cyclocross PAIN!
1998/10/16 rec.bicycles.racing [some advice on how to alleviate back pain]

2. get in shape (duh.)

5. win. for some reason i never remember any back pain from victories.unfortunately there haven't been too many of those lately.

Re: Crybabies
1998/10/19 rec.bicycles.tech

[Advice to a triathlete who complained about crybabies in a century ride he did]

well duh! first of all you were riding in a century, the known habitat of the worst of the rear-view-mirror crowd; second, you're a triathlete, so you were probably weaving all over the road, sitting in pacelines on your aero bars,and wearing ridiculously skimpy clothing which makes fat pink-dog-mirror-wearing century geeks feel threatened. if you don't want to ride with geeks, don't do centuries. instead, race mtb or cyclocross.

Re: Suspension Seatposts/mtbr.com
1998/11/11 rec.bicycles.tech [His opinion of MTBR.com]

of course most of the reviews at mtbr are written by poser idiot 13 year olds. you're likely to find reviews like "the (brand x) sucks. i hate that thing. (brand y) kicks ass. it's sweet."

Re: freeride vs downhill
1998/11/23 alt.mountain-bike

[Defining mountain bike terms for a newbie]

"downhill" generally refers to crappy, overweight, oversprung, useless pieces of crap that can only be ridden at ski resorts (whee, how fun).

"freeride" refers to crappy, overweight, oversprung, overpriced, useless pieces of crap that can only be ridden uphill by the truly masochistic or truly stupid or both.

"bicycles" refers to lightweight, reasonably priced bikes that work great for uphill, downhill and flat, racing, backcountry riding and clowning around with friends. They are easy to carry when you have to hoof it, mechanically reliable, and you can fix them with normal tools when you have to. this is pretty much what most of us have been riding all along (and will likely continue to ride).

best way to get rid of deer and snakes?
1998/11/30 alt.mountain-bike [Jerking Mike V.'s chain (The anti-MTB environMENTAList. He's mental alright.)]

one of the local trails i ride (it's closed to bikers, but i don't care), often has deer and snakes and stuff. i took a pellet gun with me one day, figuring if i tagged a couple of the critters with lead, they'd learn to go play somewhere else. well, the other day, i was coming around this turn (rear wheel locked, of course) and i almost ran over another snake. what the hell? does anyone have any good suggestions for poisons that might be effective at removing these nuisances from my trail? i thought about a hunting rifle, but i usually just leave what i kill lying on the ground, and it might get smelly if i have to shoot a lot of animals.

i was also wondering if anyone has advice on the best way to surreptitiously build trails in off-limits areas. around here we usually just take a motorcyle or two early in the morning and drive wherever we want the trail to go, being sure to spin the rear tire enough to smooth out any bumps in the ground.

thanks for the advice.

Re: Question for Mark Weaver...
1998/12/01 rec.bicycles.racing

[email protected] (John Rowen) wrote:

> Hey Mark,
>
> Out of curiousity, what is your problem with "fat" people?

here's the deal, when i say "fat-ass" i don't necessarily mean someone carrying a few extra lbs. you could be skinny and still be a fat-ass if you have the right attitude. it's more a word to deride those who are grievously failing to live up to their potential. so if you think of yourself as fat, don't worry, i'm probably not talking about you. on the other hand, if you think you're too busy/lazy/whatever to do cyclocross (as an example), you maybe a "fat-ass". if you think riding a bike uphill is tough instead of fun, you may be a "fat_ass". i frequently describe myself as an old fat guy, and i refer to the masters or vets class in which i often race (less often this year) as the "old fat guys class."

Re: Alpe D'Huez Climb
1998/12/02 rec.bicycles.racing

[To Bruce Hildebrandt on why Alpe d'Huez isn't that tough]

maybe instead of going to france with my stopwatch, imitation team jersey, and insecurity, i went there to ride and have fun. Since i spent around 8 hrs on a bike that day in driving rain and snow, and did somewhere near 100 miles over the col de telegraphe, galibier, alpe d'huez and glandon, i feel that i'm perfectly qualified to judge the difficulty of the hill. maybe you and i should just duke it out, bar to bar, then you could crow long and loud about "tough". or if (heaven forbid), i went faster, you could go beat your family to feel manly again. (oops, we're starting to descend into personal attacks here).

Re: Klein rough ride..
1998/12/03 rec.bicycles.tech

<[email protected]> wrote:

> I'm a 49 year old guy who does 20 - 30 rides almost daily.

[After some advice...]

by the way, if you're doing 20-30 rides a day, they must be awfully short.

Re: Does anyone ride at night???
1998/12/03 alt.mountain-bike

In article <[email protected]>, [email protected] wrote:>

> I often ride solo, day or night, but usually have my cell phone
> with me. So far I've never had trouble riding solo, but I carry
> enough tools that I've rescued other riders who weren't as well
> prepared.

yeah right, i have a big picture of me using a cell phone to call the ranger. "um, like hi and stuff, i was up here umm, hiking at night on this trail that's closed to mountain bikes, and i ummm, tripped over a bike someone left here, and my clavicle is busted. can you send someone up to get me? i'm about 5 miles from the trailhead where you guys like to wait and hand out tickets during the day."

i've done solo nightrides, but in the real backwoods it's downright spooky at night. We've seen bears a couple times at night, and i was mighty glad to have other guys with me (i don't have to outride the bear, just my riding partners).

Re: boutique bicycle lube--- hype or hip????
1998/12/03 rec.bicycles.tech [Jerking Jobst's chain]

the big advantages of the expensive lube in a 2 oz squeeze bottle are that it comes in a convenient squeeze bottle, it employs people in the bike biz who would otherwise be on welfare, and it bugs jobst. these all seem like excellent reasons to me. -anonymous poster (don't look at the addrress line in the header, it's just there to fool the engineer types)

Re: Rubicon Trail?
1998/12/03 rec.bicycles.off-road

[After [email protected] said the Rubicon trail was rocky, too technical, and not fun]

well, there you go. and i said it was easy and fun. i guess that's why hardly anyone will consent to go on rides with me anymore. i should have mentioned more forcefully that whether you'll like the rubicon depends a great deal on your skill and more importantly, your attitude.

Re: lower psi for softer earth?
1998/12/09 rec.bicycles.racing

[On his training plan for next year]

...i suppose the best answer would be to just do more road weenie type training and actually develop some fitness. i'll think about that for next year. in the meantime, it's much easier to be an equipment nerd and spend half my waking hours obsessing about psi, tread patterns, gearing, etc.after all, that's why i'm a cyclist instead of a runner.

1998/12/09 rec.bicycles.racing [From the same thread, thanking his pal Tom Kunich for his cross expertise]

Tom Kunich <[email protected]> wrote:

> > i'm very impressed that you know so much about what european crossers
> > are using.
>
> Thank you, but all that is necessary is to look at the sewups
> that are being used in Europe -- they range from 24 to 28 mm.
> This isn't too difficult to find out -- there are very few sizes
> manufactured. Just look in the Vitoria catalog.

so let me get this straight... you're telling me what tires pro crossers use in europe based on what you saw in a catalog? that's not exactly helpful. perhaps i'm better off listening to someone like adam who's actually raced cross in europe, and appears to have access to actual facts. thanks anyway for sharing your wide array of cyclocross experience.

Re: Suspension seatposts and full susp.bikes
1998/12/10 alt.mountain-bike [On Zap Espinoza again]

...but blanket generalizations about dual suspension make you sound like zap espinosa, and he's an idiot.

Re: Get dropped for cross
1998/12/10 rec.bicycles.racing

[his opinion of Seattle]

...aside from the crappy weather and over-roasted coffee, you folks in seattle are lucky with the quality of racing and the dedication of the people that put on races there.

a riddle (was Re: Head tube ovalization: myth or fact
1998/12/22 rec.bicycles.tech

what do you get if you take jobst's (pronounce that) know-it-all attitude and take away his voluminous knowledge? that's right, you get the post below. <tkunich post referred to>

i think most of the people who've followed this ng for a while already know that your posts are mostly to be read for entertainment value only, to see how wrong you are today (i confess that when i see "tkunich" i usually read it for a good laugh, even if i have no interest in the topic). but what about less experienced readers? they might actually think you have the vaguest idea what the hell you're talking about.

Re: funny jobst stuff (was Re: Engineering Opinions on Sachs PC-91 Chain
1998/12/28 rec.bicycles.tech [Displaying his sensitivity. This turned out to be one of the longer threads of the year.]

your suggestion that mtb-ers just race motocross instead certainly suggests that you don't ride a mountain bike. if that is the case, it seems unlikely that you actually know what you're talking about, so why even bother posting?

1998/12/24 rec.bicycles.tech in response to [email protected] [Sounding like Charles Barkley]

one could probably avoid this (if one cared) by not purporting to comment on mtb-ing in general, and instead only commenting on the limited portion of dirt riding than one is actually familiar with. on the other hand, i like to argue, so i won't lose any sleep over it.

1998/12/24 rec.bicycles.tech [Best of the year??]

[email protected] wrote:

> > riding a road bike on the dirt is not mountain biking.
>
> Tell that to Gary Fisher, Tom Ritchey, and several dozen other pioneers.

no doubt they'd agree. i've raced with both of them on multiple occasions, and i noticed (as i passed gary, and as tom passed me) that they were both riding mountain bikes, not road bikes. i trust therefore, that they both have some understanding of mtb-ing.

just in case you guys thought i was only a jerk on the newsgroup, when i was riding with tom at the sea otter, i said (breathlessly), "hey, you're tom ritchey, huh? you're one of those guys that started building mountain bikes after gary fisher invented them, right?"

he didn't think it was too funny, but he beat me by a couple minutes so i guess he had the last laugh.

i didn't have time to make too many jokes to gary, because i was passing him on the singletrack climb where 2nd divide and 3rd divide trail split in the coyote classic xc race in downieville. my riding buddy however, who also was sponsored by fisher that year, passed gary at the marin knobular and said "hey, cool bike. are you on the fisher grass-roots team too?"

maybe jobst could race the coyote classic on his road bike next year. depending on his success, i might revise my position that riding road bikes in the dirt is not mountain biking.

1998/12/23 rec.bicycles.tech [On Jobst and Tom Kunich]

despite the fun i frequently have at his expense, i think jobst has enriched this newsgroup and cycling in general, and i'm glad he takes the time to write as much as he does, since most of it is helpful.

tom kunich, on the other hand......

Re: Challenge to all the Old Whiners
1998/12/29 rec.bicycles.racing [On his credibility]

it must be admitted, that i am no longer actively road racing, having gone over to the dark side of off-roading (with considerably more success, probably due to the smaller gears mtb-ers use), so everything i say about road racing is of suspect validity.

Re: Top 10 ways to throw your entry fee into the trash.
1998/12/30 rec.bicycles.racing [Those Killer Cheeto's]

my favorite didn't even involve racing. it was many years ago when i had just started working at a bike shop. i had driven my crappy white trash oldsmobile into a ditch (and broke the axle right off) because i was reaching for the cheeto's which had fallen off the seat on my way back from a ride in georgetown (which has killer riding, btw).