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The Book of Damnation |
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Which is Not Really a Laughing Matter |
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The Apostates, having heard the blessing of FishGod, did then ask, "how then shall we curse that which we need curse?" |
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9:1 |
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9:2 |
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FishGod did reply, "At no time shouldst thou curse thine enemy, and certainly not thine friend. But thou shalt at times lose thine head, and when thou goeth ape-shit, thou shalt go in this fashion: |
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"Oh, accursed thing, hated by FishGod and ignored by the ladies, may thine name be forgotten and thine image be used in improper relationships wiht interns. |
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9:3 |
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"May nasty rumors be spread about thee on the Internet, may thine enemies discover thine passwords, and may someone bust thee for a fictional porno stash which, verily, thou didst not even get to enjoy. |
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9:4 |
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9:5 |
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"May strangers whomp on thee for no reason, and may the rain of bitch slaps upon thee by endless. May thine loins be afflicted by warts so large that they do show through jeans, and may thine body have a smell of which it is unlawful to speak. |
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9:6 |
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"Let a flu descend upon thee, so that thine sinuses do burn with the thick mucus of damnation. |
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9:7 |
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"May money slip through thine hands as though it were covered with Jello, but let it not be covered with Jello, for that would be unduly tasty and would ruin the economy. Let thine superiors hate thee greatly, and give thee unappealing jobs which pay poorly. And let them laugh as they do this, so that it doth stick in thine craw. |
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9:8 |
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"And finally let fate bring out the big guns and ban thee from the Sphere of Glory, so that buffets give thee no pleasure, and before thee the sunset becometh ugly and muddled, and thine mind thinketh of nothing but 'the sad truth' which, verily, is sad. |
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9:9 |
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"So mote it be, bitch." |
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9:10 |
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And the Apostates did gulp. |
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