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| Page Two - Stories Of Mental Health Problems |
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| Em's Story When I was 9 (I'm 14 now) my parents divorced and me and my mum immediately moved to Devon to be with her new boyfriend, who is now my stepdad. I was young and naive so I suppose I just accepted it. As I became older I started to learn about feelings for other people, and realised that you don't just move out of the blue to be with a complete stranger. I realised my mum and Robert had had an affair. I found letters sent from Robert to my mum's best friend so that my Dad couldn't read them. They said things like, "I love you, I'll wait if I have to." This made me feel sick and I couldn't cope. I can't remember the first time I cut myself, it was a few years ago, but ever since has been terrible, like trying to keep you're head above water when you know you're going to drown anyway. It's not just to do with my parents, obviously I was always meant to be like this. I worry all the time what people think of me and I'm so ashamed of my problem. I remember when when my boyfriend found out. He said, "What have you done to your arm?" I couldn't look him the eye. We've since talked about it, he understands it's my way of dealing with things, I don't think he knows quite how depressed I get, and just how serious the cutting is becoming. He says it hurts him, and he knows that should be enough to make me stop, I love him more than I love being alive, I love him more than myself, but I don't know whether I can do it and I'm too scared to ask for professional help. I would like to be able to help others though, by sharing my story. |
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| My Story Of Self-harm, by Saddened Laughter I don't really remember when I started self-harm; I think it was as a child but it wasn't so severe then. As a child my sister and I used to hard ourselves a lot actually. We tore our hair out, screamed we hated ourselves and bit ourselves as well. But now my comdition, and hers, has gone to a new level. We discovered knives. I'm not sure why she did it, but I think I finally snapped. My mom is so obsessive over drinking, she's getting married, and the whole world just got on my nerves that night. I've written so many goodbye notes and tried to cut so many times. At first it was only pressing it against my wrist and crying, but then I began to scratch. I didn't make a big mark, just a few scratches that stood out. Then I consulted in my councellor and she encouraged me to give me knife to my grandma, which I did. The effects were like a hangover or a withdrawal I guess because then I resorted the scratching vigorously for a while. There are no permanaent scars but my councellor sure did hound on me for that. After a while I began writing about it amd drawing it. Now I rarely think about it, but I will over exert myself on purpose and pull my muscles, just to make myself feel better. Becasue of my issues I have resorted to lighting matches a lot. Sometimes I burn my fingertips, but it doesn't hurt too badly. Sometimes I think it's like taking a cigarette, to control it I must give myself little doses. |
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