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| Page Two of Stories Of Surviving Bullying |
| A Personal Story About the Bullying Side of my Life - Anonymous There was a day when I was happy, I didn't worry about anything, didn't need to, it all started from about year 2 in school, and never stopped. I was an outsider, I knew this. I always would be. I was an easy target, never learned how to stand up for myself. I'd sit in a corner of school and cry, while they walked around calling me names. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did... it really did. People I didn't even know, in older years used to do it, shout across the playground, push me over, throw basketballs at my head during P.E, swing crickets bats at me. There seemed to be nothing I could do to stop it. When I was that young I was only small, I couldn't stand up for myself. The only person I told about this was my grandad, he's the only one I could talk to. I was bullied at home, my older brother would push me, hit me, and kick at me. My dad was always working or shouting at me for things I hadn't done. My mum was always shouting, calling me names. As I got older nothing got better, it just got worse. I left primary school with few friends, and went into secondary school, hoping to have a new start, hoping that things might be different. My grandad died shortly after, this hit me pretty hard. I loved him - and still do love him - so much. I went in to secondary school, got a group of friends, thought I was doing ok, then everything started again. Call me names, push me around. But I would rather be there than at home. When my parents were actually in and not working, my mum started telling me that she hates me, really hates me. She kept looking for ways to kick me out of the house, to get rid of me, I had no one in the world left to talk to, and there was nothing I could do. My parents telling me they hate me, I just thought to myself, if even my own parents hate me, then everyone must hate me. I carried on going to school, knowing that the day ahead was going to be full of pain. I saw the looks they gave me, the ones that weren't brave enough to shout out anything at me. My so called friends started saying that I was thick, stupid, worthless, ugly, fat... and this was exactly how I felt. They told me it so often that I started believing it. I got depressed and felt so trapped. And there was no way out, nothing I could do to make things better. I was being bullied everywhere I went. I tried going out walking by myself to try to clear my head, this just resulted in me getting beat up. I would sit in my room for hours a night and cry. I started self-harming, then I got a few close friends, started smiling again, I was happy. I stopped self-harming. Then my best friend tried to kill herself, she went into hospital, then got taught at home, and I never saw her again. I started getting depressed again, my best friend had left me, alone again. My parents were still telling me that they hated me, shouting at me, mum hitting me, brother hitting me. I started self-harming again. I'm now only 15, in year 11 of school, everything exactly the same. I still self-harm, but this helps, I wish I didn't to it, but I can't stop myself. But i'm still alive, I was back and forth to suicide during my life, but I never gave in that last piece of me, i'm still here. Still alone, angry at myself, but i'm working on ways to get my life together. I plan on moving out as soon as I can, going to college, maybe university, I plan to try and stop myself from self-harming, and find other ways to deal with things. |
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| IF IT HAPPENS IN EVERY SCHOOL - BY TJ Heaven knows why people bully me. It started on my first day of school. I had a high IQ, and started a year before most kids, but I was tall even then, so no one noticed my age. But they noticed me thats for sure; and hated me from the very beginning. I have blocked out many of the never ending list of horrible experiences. Now its just the names I was called, floating in my head, and a constant feeling of nobody likes me. Fat, faggot, leso, aids girl, smelly, whore, period head, queer, freak, oh the list goes on, and most I would never say in a million years. I remember one girl, who for no apparent reason approached me, clearly stating - "If I was bitten by a poisonous snake, and you were the only person around to save me, I would rather die than let you help me, I hate you that much." She didn't even know my name. But it wasn't just the beatings in highschool that has caused a great portion of my PTSD (I am also a survivor of domestic violence and rape) it was the sexual, er stuff, that underlayed the teasing of queer, the sexual abuse was and still has a great impact on my life. My parents always stood up for me, even now, when I get bullied at nightclubs etc. Forever the excuses came, always leading back to a lame attempt of normalising the issue. IT HAPPENS IN EVERY SCHOOL Well then I ask this, if it happens in every school, then why is no one ever willing to DO something about it, on a larger scale, instead of blaming the victim, and start putting the responsibility in the hands of the offenders. No one deserves 13 years of hell. |
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