Sweet Memories: part 32
by Kayla
The two stared at each other incredulously for a long moment. The heavy silence was finally broken when Xander yelped and flushed, hastily yanking the blanket up to cover his bared body. "Spike!" he squeaked, his eyes darting around the room in search of an escape.
Spike narrowed his eyes at the other man's discomfort. "Xander," he growled softly. Something flashed in his eyes, and he reached out to his bedmate.
Again, Xander made a noise of protest and lurched away, falling off the side of the bed in his haste to escaped the touch. Quickly, he scrambled to his feet, clutching the blanket around him. When he realized that absconding with his makeshift robe had served to leave Spike naked on the bed, he spun around. "Um, Spike, this is...I mean, we...you...oh shit, I..."
Spike frowned and cocked his head as he listened to Xander's broken attempt at speech. "Pet," he said in a quiet voice, "What--"
"Oh god, don't say that."
Now Spike was confused. "Say what?"
"You can't...you can't call me that, Wi--Spike. It's not...don't you get it? This is all...none of it is--"
Spike snarled, cutting Xander off. "Yes, it is. This is real Xander. Alex."
"No!" Xander whirled around. His gaze flickered briefly over Spike's pale, lean body before fixing resolutely on his face. "I can't...I...� He shook his head, trembling. "I can't do this, W-Spike," he whispered in a miserable voice. "I just...can't." He stumbled across the room and grabbed a set of clothes, then rushed across the apartment to the bathroom.
Still naked, Spike followed him. He tried to push back the flare of pain that burst up when Xander slammed the door in his face. Hands balled into fists, he glared for a moment, then tried the knob. Locked.
"Xander! Open the door, you bloody pillock!" He banged on the door with a fist. He was about to give into the urge to wrench the door off its hinges and cart Xander back to the bedroom when the door finally opened.
Xander, now dressed, avoided Spike's accusing glare. He walked past the vampire towards the front door.
Spike leaped after him, shoving him up against the door and jerking him around to face him. "Where do you think you're going?" he questioned furiously.
"Out," Xander whispered. "I can't...I have to go out, Spike." He swallowed hard as he stared down at the slim fingers that were clenched in the fabric of his shirt.
"You're not walking away from this, Alex! I won't let you!"
Xander's face twisted and he pushed Spike back. "Stop calling me that!" he cried out, holding up trembling hands to ward of the vampire. "Just...I have to go!"
Spike's expression grew cold. "You think you can just leave? Put all this behind you? Ignore everything that happened between us?" Jaw clenched, he backed away, shaking his head. "It won't work. Xander...Alex. Don't you get it? This is real. How can you deny it? Us?" He took a deep, tremulous breath as he turned to stare at the covered window, idly examining the sliver of sunlight that seeped in around the edges.
In a voice so soft Spike almost didn't hear it, Xander said, "I'm sorry."
Too late, Spike whirled around only to find the door already closed. Frozen in his place, he listened in disbelief to the sound of Xander's hurried footsteps fading down the hallway.
A jagged pain ripped through Spike's chest. Bending over slightly, he clutched the back of the sofa, one hand held over his heart as he gasped desperately for air, fighting the awful burning in his eyes.
Ignoring the elevator, Xander sprinted down the stairwell, almost colliding with Oz. He never noticed, though, and determinedly made his way to the ground floor and across the lobby, drawing in a sobbing breath of air when he finally made it outside. He squinted down the bright streets, shading eyes that had grown accustomed to later hours and dimmer light.
He shook himself, then jammed his hands in his pockets and strode down the sidewalk, not slowing his pace until he was standing in front of the local liquor store. He checked to make sure he'd remembered his wallet, then squared his shoulders and went inside.
"Hey, you ok?" Oz watched in confusion as Xander barreled past him without giving him a backward glance. Frowning, he continued up the stairs, hesitating at the third floor. With a last look down to where Xander had made his hasty exit, Oz put his own plans on hold and left the stairwell.
He made his way down to Spike and Xander's apartment, knocking lightly on the door that had been left slightly ajar. There was no answer, and he had just made up his mind to forget it and go back to his place when something inside the apartment shattered, and a keening howl of fury rose up.
Steeling himself, Oz pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Ducking, he barely missed being bludgeoned by the glass pitcher that was hurled at his head. He flinched when it flew past him out into the hallway and smashed into the far wall, a dent in the plaster testifying to the force with which it had been thrown.
"Um, Wil?"
Bitter, almost hysterical laughter met this, and suddenly Oz found himself dangling in midair, a hand wrapped around his throat and glittering yellow eyes flashing inches from his own.
"Haven't you heard? It's not Wil any more. The name's Spike." With that, the vampire let Oz drop to the floor.
Coughing, Oz rubbed his neck, already imagining the interesting bruises he'd take from this encounter. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. "I take it you guys remembered everything?"
An expression of almost unbearable despair crossed Spike's face before he twisted his mouth into a sneer. "What clued you in, mongrel?" he snarled. Hands shaking, he spun around and picked up an ashtray, flinging it across the room where it hit a picture on the wall, shattering the glass. The picture swung crookedly for a moment, then it too went crashing to the floor.
Oz winced. "So, I guess it didn't go too well, huh?"
Spike stood frozen, staring at the spray of glass shards that littered the carpet. "He left me," he whispered so quietly that Oz almost missed it. Then, with a guttural cry, Spike picked up the end table by the sofa and smashed it against the floor, not even noticing when splinters of the wood flew off and lodged into his skin.
Oz took a deep breath, watching in horror as the naked, blood-flecked vampire continued to wreak havoc on the apartment. Not knowing what to do, he backed slowly away, stumbling out into the hallway.
A door opened behind him, and Mellie stepped out, blinking sleepily as she patted at the curlers in her hair. "Daniel? My word, what is all that racket?"
"They remembered," Oz said softly. "And Xander...Alex left."
"Oh dear." Mellie straightened and brushed her hands over her bathrobe. "Well, I can see it's up to us to fix this." Her eyes flickered briefly as a series of crashes punctuated her words. "Daniel, be a dear and see if you can't fetch Alex back here. I'll just go have a few word with Wil."
"But--"
"Don't argue with me. Just go."
Oz blinked. "Um, ok." He cast a last look at apartment where Spike was systematically destroying anything even remotely breakable. "Just...be careful, ok?"
"Of course dear. Now shoo." Mellie watched him hurry away, then shook herself and turned to deal with the enraged vampire. She gave a small sigh of sadness, wondering how much more these two would have to go through to find their happiness together.
Oz found himself deeply thankful for the enhanced senses that being a werewolf had left him with. He was able to follow Xander's trail easily, although he had to hold back a groan of frustration when he finally found the other man sitting on a bench and clutching desperately to a rather large, half-empty bottle of whiskey.
Stifling his disappointment of Xander's reaction to the situation, he sat down next to him. "Hey Xander," he said in a subdued voice.
Xander just shrugged and lifted the bottle, swirling the contents around, gazing at it as if it held all the answers. Or as if he wished it did.
"You wanna talk about it?"
Xander let out a choked of sob and tilted the bottle.
Oz watched as a thin stream of fluid trickled from the bottle to splash down on the pavement below, where it followed an already marked path towards the curb and into the gutter. Oz felt something inside him loosen in relief as he realized that Xander hadn't been drinking the whiskey he'd bought, but instead seemed intent on pouring it out on the ground. "Xander?"
"I...I really loved him, you know?" Xander finally said hoarsely.
"What, like past tense?"
Xander hitched a shoulder and kept pouring the whiskey out.
"So wait, let me get this straight. Yesterday you loved him, and today you don't? Because of some memories that finally came back?"
"I can't...it's all different now." Xander shook his head. "What happened with us wasn't...it shouldn't...it wasn't real."
Oz's eyes narrowed, and a hand darted out to yank at Xander's collar. Harshly, he poked at the mark there. Spike's mark. "That is real, Xander. You knew he was a vampire, you let him in, you loved him, you married him. It doesn't just go away now that you remember who you are."
"But--"
"I'm not done yet!" Oz snapped, shocking Xander into silence. "Think about it, Xander. Were you any different during this whole 'lapse of judgement' thing? Did your personality change at all?"
"Well, sort of. I mean, not really, but...I guess I was more myself. Because I didn't have anything to hold me back."
"So what makes you think it was any different for Spike?"
"But he's evil!" Xander blurted out. "He's tried to kill me! And Willow, and the others!"
"And maybe, just maybe, this was a chance for him to let you see what he's really like. Without all the bluster and posing that comes with maintaining the image of a big, bad, master vampire."
"I...� Xander flushed and looked away.
Oz sighed. "You still love him, don't you?"
At the words, Xander shuddered a bit. Then the bottle dropped to the ground as he cradled his head. "Yes," he murmured tremulously.
"See? That didn't change when you remembered. Do you think it changed for him? Because I know he loved you, or else you wouldn't have these." His fingers brushed over the mark again.
Xander sniffled softly. "But how can I go back there?" he asked in a dejected voice.
Oz stood and pulled Xander up, brushing him off. "You turn around and walk. Swallow your pride and for once in your life actually talk about what you're going through. With Spike."
Xander stood, undecided.
"He's hurting, Xander. Just as much as you are."
Xander bit his lip and looked vaguely ashamed, as if it had just now crossed his mind that this wasn't exactly easy for Spike either. "Ok," he said. He looked back at Oz. "Come with?" he asked plaintively.
Oz nodded and walked with Xander back to his apartment.
"Would you bloody fucking well just sod off!"
"Not until you calm down and actually listen to what I'm saying." Mellie crossed her arms over her chest, taping her foot impatiently as she fixed the vampire with a disapproving glare.
"What are you, my bleedin' mum? I'm. Not. Interested!" Spike glared petulantly back at her, then slouched down further into his seat.
"It's all really quite simple, William," Mellie explained patiently. "Do you want him?"
Spike turned his face away, muttering.
"Do you love him?"
He flinched.
Mellie sighed. "Is he still yours?"
Spike exploded out of his chair. "Yes! Yes, all right? He's mine," he hissed vehemently. "I took him, an' marked him, and he damn well belongs to me!" He started pacing the room, not even wincing when he stepped on sharp bits of glass and wood.
"Well then, are you just going to throw a tantrum and let him leave? Or are you going to do something about it?"
Spike paused and, hands trembling, asked in a broken voice, "But how do I make him stay?"
"Oh sweetie, I--� She broke off at the loud gasp from behind them and turned.
Xander blanched as he took in the state of the apartment, as well as the condition of the vampire who had destroyed it. "What the hell...?"
Oz darted a look at Mellie. In a brief moment of silent communication, they both came to the same conclusion. While Spike and Xander were still too bewildered to resist, they forcibly dragged them into the bedroom then slammed the door shut. Mellie's face screwed up in thought, then she muttered a few words, smiling in satisfaction as the door shuddered with the impact of a furious vampire, but held easily.
"Spell?"
"Hmm." Mellie nodded. "Fortification. Makes the door and walls as strong as steel. I also jammed the lock so the door won't open. I'm a bit out of practice, though, so it won't hold for long."
"Well, let's hope it's long enough."
Spike and Xander sat at opposite ends of the bed, avoiding looking at each other. After about an hour of trying futilely to escape the room, they'd determined to simply ignore one another. Almost another hour of complete silence had passed, though, and Xander couldn't take it any more. "I can't believe you trashed our apartment," he muttered.
Spike snarled. "Oh, it's our apartment, is it? An' here I thought I was just an intruder taking advantage of your delicate state!"
Xander flushed. "Hey, that's not fair!" he retorted heatedly, "What was I supposed to do when I wake up and find myself married to a vampire?"
Spike launched himself across the bad, pinning Xander down. "That's right!" he yelled, "We are married. And you can't just make all this go away now that you're having second thoughts!"
"Second thoughts?" Xander shouted back. "Who's having second thoughts? I never even got to have first thoughts about all this!"
"Oh sure! An' that wasn't you writhing under me, beggin' me to bite you and make you mine!" Spike's eyes flashed.
Xander's breath caught and he gave an involuntary wriggle. Then he tried to push Spike off of him. "That's not the point! Look, just because I love you doesn't make all our problems go away! I mean, we can't just expect everything to be like it was before we remembered. And, oh god, Buffy and Willow know about this. And shit, what about Anya? What am I supposed to do...Spike? Why...um...why are you looking at me like that?" He shivered under the intense gaze that Spike was fixing him with. He flushed again when the vampire's tongue darted out to wet his lips. "S-Spike?"
"You love me?"
"I...um, what? Huh?"
Spike touched Xander's cheek gently, stroking his finger over the rough stubble. "You said...'just because I love you'," he reminded him.
"Oh." Xander stared up at Spike wide-eyed. He shifted uncomfortably. "Well...I...I..."
Spike growled softly. "Xander," he purred in a low, husky voice. "Do. You. Love. Me?" He punctuated each word with a tiny lick at Xander's mouth.
Xander's gasped and moaned. "God, Spike, I...� He panted as the tongue worked it's way over his face to his ear, teasing at the sensitive skin there. "I...� His earlobe was sucked into a cool mouth and nibbled. "I...� Teeth nipped softly at the patch of flesh behind his ear. "...yes..."
Spike froze and pulled back. "Yes?" he questioned, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
Xander studied the vampire hovering over him, wondering why he didn't feel even the slightest bit of fear over being nibble on. Quite the opposite, in fact, as all his blood seemed to have rushed to the lower part of his anatomy. Noticing the hesitant look on Spike's face as he awaited confirmation, he dragged in a deep breath. "Yeah," he admitted. "I don't know how, or why, but I just...� He frowned, lifting his hand from where it was stroking over Spike's side, wondering why it felt sticky.
Spike blinked, momentarily disoriented as he found himself shoved off of Xander and flipped over to lay flat on the bed. "What the--?"
"Oh god, Wil. You're bleeding! Does it hurt? Are you ok?" With shaking hands, Xander yanked off his shirt and started dabbing at the wounds, sighing in relief when most of them proved to be already healed. A few, though, still had splinters of wood stuck in them, and Xander dashed to the dresser, scrambling to find the tweezers.
For the first time, Spike noticed that he had managed to injure himself during his rampage. There were little pinpricks of pain from where the splinters had taken up residence, but nothing major. "Alex, I'm ok. It's just a little bit of--fuck!"
"Sorry. Shit, what did you do to yourself?" Xander squinted and worked another splinter free. "Christ, can't leave you alone for five minutes, can I?" He mumbled under his breath as he searched Spike's body for more injuries. Spike's...body. Spike's very...naked...body.
Spike arched up as the hands examining him suddenly started to caress, petting along his rapidly sensitizing skin.
Mesmerized, Xander watched his hands slide over the smooth, pale skin of Spike's deliciously naked body. "God, Wil," he breathed reverently as he touched the lean, muscled body that belonged to him. Him, damn it! "Mine," he whispered and he bent and ran his tongue over the tiny streaks of blood on Spike's chest, licking a path up to a peaked nipple.
"Alex!" Spike gasped, hands flying up to hold Xander's head in place.
"Mine." Xander turned his attention to the other nipple, biting down on it with gentle pressure. "Mine," he growled again when he released the tortured bit of flesh and nibbled his way up Spike's neck. "Mine." He captured Spike's lips with his own, shoving his tongue inside and reclaiming the territory.
Spike slid his hands down Xander's back, scrabbling at the pants that hindered his progress. With a bit of twisting, and some help on Xander's part, the pants were soon shoved down, tangling in the shoes that Neither had remembered Xander was wearing. It didn't matter. It was enough.
The two bodies twined together on the bed, limbs moving sensuously against each other. Pale and tanned, dark and light, wrapped together as if they were never to be parted.
Neither one could last long. As they rubbed against each other, reveling in the touch of flesh, loud noises of need and desire filled the room, and both men were soon panting heavily with heightened passion.
Spike tensed and pulled Xander's head back far enough that he could meet lust-dazed eyes with his own. He thrust his hips up as he stroked his other hand over Xander's ass. "Mine!" he snarled as he came, eyes locked with his lover's.
Xander gasped when he felt Spike's release against his stomach. He stared down into Spike's eyes, blue ringed with gold, and lost himself.
"Wil!" Body quaking, Xander came against Spike, holding himself rigid for endless seconds before collapsing onto his lover.
Spike purred as he held Xander to him, stroking and petting his sweaty, shivering body. "Mine," he repeated.
"Yeah," Xander murmured in reply.
They lay there for a while, calming. Eventually, Spike began to tongue Xander's hairline, pressing sweet kisses along his face and head.
Xander smiled and snuggled in closer, glad that Spike never complained about his weight on him after sex. "Spike?"
"Hmmm?"
"I'm sorry for leaving."
Spike sighed, pressing Xander impossibly closer. "S'ok, luv."
"No it's not." He pushed himself up a bit. "If I ever try something like that again, just club me over the head, drag me back, and shag my brains out, ok?"
Spike grinned lasciviously. "Deal." He yanked Xander's head down for a scorching kiss. "Now, where were we?" he asked playfully and he pushed his renewing erection up against Xander's hip.
Oz and Mellie did their best to straighten up the apartment as they waited. When the banging on the walls had stooped and utter silence had fallen, they gave each other hopeful looks. Nervously, they waited.
After a while, voices rose in anger, but neither could make out what was being said. Then, there was silence again.
"You don't think they killed each other, do you?" Oz asked tentatively.
"I hope not," Mellie muttered, then smiled brightly. "I'm sure everything will work out fine, Daniel. Just wait and see."
Oz snorted. "Right."
There were muffled noises, and then a yelped curse. After a few more minutes, loud groans could be heard. These went on for quite some time, until a loud cry rang through the apartment.
"Wil!"
Relaxing, Oz and Mellie traded relieved looks. "Well," Mellie said as she casually made her way to the door. "I think that's our cue to go."
"I'm right behind you."
They left the apartment, closing the door on the couple who seemed to be engaged in some rather intense...making up.
AN: It's almost done, folks. Just one more part, and I should have it done within the week.
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