King Kong Escapes
AKA
King Kong's Counterattack
(1967)
Starring:
King Kong
Mechani-Kong
Gorosaurus
Anywho, they find Mondo Island and, sure enough, that major monkey is still kicking. Kong abducts Cutie, because she's a blonde and he's got a thing for that (psst...don't tell him it's bleached). Popping out of nowhere is Gorosaurus, busting in on the two love birds. Kong is pissed, because he was about to "make his move." Kong starts kicking Goro's ass, allowing Handsome and Japanese Guy to get Cutie back to the sub safely and off the island.
Meanwhile, fresh off his smash hit British science fiction program, Dr. Who is in Japan and he's built a giant robot Kong to dig up a resource known as Element X. Just one catch, his Mechani-Kong is a piece of crap. The closer it gets to Element X, the more it craps out on him. Fed up with this bullcrap, Dr. Who decides it's easier to capture the real Kong and make him do it (cheaper too. Imagine how much gas Mechani-Kong takes, especially with today's prices).
You know the rest...monster roars, gets captured via gas and giant nets, yada yada yada.
But this wouldn't mean a thing unless the good guys know what happened. Since a giant monkey is always worth a second look, Handsome, Cutie, and Japanese Guy head back to Mondo to play hide the blonde (and brought some brunette wigs too, to tease, confuse, and enrage him. In other words, make it more fun).
But what happened? The monkey is gone! With no evidence whatsoever, Handsome concludes that this can only be the work of Who.
Man, that's an Abbot and Costello bit if I've ever heard one...
"Who's got Kong?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Third base!"
OK, it would be funnier if they did it. Or not.
Our heroes set out to save Kong from the clutches of Who and they do the most heroic thing possible...they get captured! Not to say Kong's not grateful, but...well...little help maybe?
Anywho, Who's done everything to get Kong to do as he says, he's dangled a shining rock in front of his eyes and tried to hypnotize him, he's tried shouting at him...DAMN! What's an evil scientist to do? But the blonde girl...Kong's a player...he'll do whatever she says! Problem solved.
Who tries to torture the little group into helping him, but listening to his little blonde bimbo scream does nothing but piss the ape off. Kong breaks out of his cage and goes on a rampage in Japan. Soon after the bad guys send Mechani-Kong after him because we need a giant monster brawl for the finale.
Who will win?
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Third base!"
Dr. Who says "Fuck this. I'm going back home to my TV show."
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