11/04/02
RENOVATIONS PLANNED

After petitioning for more funding, the site has finally received some aid. Melissa plans to use the money mainly for pizza and Paris, but approximate figures estimate 10 dollars will go toward renovations of the site. Melissa plans to hire a temporary staff during the Christmas holiday for the project. They will hopefully create a new guest book system (and you all better sign it dammit!) and update the "Cool People" pages, as well as the "Favorite Links" page and "About Melissa" sub-site. The site is currently accepting suggestions, and will try to incorporate these into the newly designed site pages.
"The site should be completely updated sometime after the first week of 2003." Site coordinator Melissa stated. "It is very important that I have input from the masses that browse my site to make it a better experience for them. I know that browsing the site is an important part of everyday life for about 23,256 people, or at least that is what Bernie down at the Boat-Bar told me."
Cardboard is in our hearts and minds. I went to the mall on Saturday and heard the jingle of bells. That means only one thing: it is time to think of white elephants!

10/28/02
"SMELLY VOTED OUT OF THE HALL"

Saturday evening, someone decided it would be fun to throw-up in Cooley's fresh water source. This created several problems for the residents of the hall. For one, they don't have a drinking fountain anymore, and when it is back in order (it is currently out of it) few residents will be bold enough to use it again. In a related issue, there was a weird odor coming from the doorjamb of Drew and Brent's room. Suspiciously enough, it didn't begin to waft into the surrounding area until late Sunday. Witnesses report being overcome by the foul odor. "I walked past their room and smelled it, but I thought it was just Drew, you know the smelly one, then I realized that he went home the night before. Of course I became suspicious that he was back, so I ran to the room, only the door was closed. I think I smacked it pretty hard, and when I woke up I was lying in a puddle of my own vomit, kinda like the night before... So I ran off, I mean Drew is one thing, but if he wasn't home, that left only Brent, and I personally have a thing against squirrels." When asked if she was a squirrel-ist, the young woman replied, "Damn straight. I think it preposterous that they allow them to co-habitate with us. I mean, they are furry and they SCURRY!" Then she rolled her eyes, noticed DPS coming, screamed and ran. The odor case continues to be investigated though there are no leads.
Yeah, I unfortunately saw the vomit, it was brown and chunky!

10/09/02
"SWAN LAKE"? THAT'S FUNNY, IT SEEMED MORE LIKE "SEXUAL AND/OR SENSUAL JOURNEY OF A PRINCE AND HIS DREAM/QUEST FOR LOVE"

Ok, we realize this is our longest headline yet, but it caught your interest right? Well, yesterday we had the fortune of reviewing the Cullberg Ballet's performance of Mats Ek's "Swan Lake". It was very interesting, if not a little initially shocking to a small-town group of reporters, such as us. Once you get accustomed to the blatant sexual references and almost obscene scenes, you find it a wonderful ballet, albeit a bit odd. Anyhow, it was good, and this staff recommends it to your staff, so treat them right and take them to a sexual ballet!
Ok, now Melissa wants us to talk about her, it is like she owns us or something. One of these days.... Anyway, she has been swamped with schoolwork, but settling into the routine nonetheless. Last Saturday she worked for ROTPAC Racing, and made a little money for the slight "ordeal" that things turned into. She has also re-considered her major. No, it is still Anthropology, but a second major in creative writing (or a minor in it) is tentatively being considered.
I recommend Mats Ek's Swan Lake, so go see it if it ever comes back, just don't take any minors with you.

10/01/02
SOBER STUDENTS MET WITH SUCCESS ON SATURDAY

This past Saturday, with nothing left on campus to drink - yeah, sure- several students made alternative plans. Bonnie, Melissa, Heidi, Allison, and Brent were joined by Troy to attend a movie, off campus. The group saw "The Four Feathers" which was reviewed as "Good but a little long." Afterwards the group lost a Heidi and gained an Adam for Monopoly. In this riveting game of illegal partnerships and government anti-trust cases (not just for Bill Gates any more), Adam was declared almost victor, though Allison had a fair shot at the title too, if they would have played till the end who knows how the dynamics of the game would have changed. But the most interesting aspect of the exciting night was when Bonnie got high off of the air in Brent's room (or something, she was crazy!) and got grabby with the dice. After an official intervention she went off to sleep.
Hmm... This probably wasn't an efficient use of my time.

09/20/02
NATIONAL DREW-MO DAY ANNOUNCED

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: At the bequest of several of the ladies in ground floor Cooley in U of M's East Quad, the day has been declared Drew-Mo Day. At the insistance of Samih and David, it has been made a national holiday, complete with a squirrel roast and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game for all U of M undergrads.
In other news, classes have been underway for about three weeks now, and yet no word from Melissa! Is she out late every night parting like it's 1999, or is she just hermitted in her Cooley cave doing homework? Well, we went to investigate the elusive creature, and found none of the above to be true. "I've just been lazy and occasionally really tired." She says as she yawns. "Oh, and I've been trying to get in contact with Samih from north campus, but when I try to reach him, all I get is the author of this article about some lamb eating a sheep? Anyway, it was so weird that I thought I better just wait for Drew-Mo Day to get him to swing by the quad."
Sorry if the graphics aren’t loading up right, for some unexplained reason they aren’t working right now, yet the code and location of the files hasn’t changed! To think that I thought HTML was such a constant. Perhaps it is Geocities?

09/01/02
LIFE INVOLVES STAYING UP LATE

Classes are slated to begin on Tuesday at 10 am, and before they start, Melissa must get some sleep. Welcome week has been lots of fun, with lots of free food and things for the room, but it has also been tiring. Waking up today at 12, headquarters was without direction until Melissa fully awoke, which has yet to happen. Anyhow, she had a really weird dream, and she insists we tell you so. Right now she is stumbling around dazed and confused, saying random things about the color of her yellow comforter for her bed. Send provisions and any extra sleep you may have acquired.
It's weird, but my allergies are acting up too.

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