In the headlines
4th February 04
It has come to the attention of the Creators and owners of 'Ruter' Sir Andrew Thomas Cowan Esq and Master Christopher James Marsh III that someone in a supermarket (probably a coffin dodger!) has slipped on a bar of what has being described as 'Rich creamery Rutter' and flown into the pea freezer.The old get, oops i mean elderly person had to have the fire service to cut them loose as store managers didnt want the risk of further 'OAP Pea contamination' as they put it. Luckily no peas where maimed in thjs episode and the bar of 'Rutter' is said to have been given to a harmless hobo.
The local press interviewed the ' OLD PISS SMELLIN BASTARD' ahem i mean elderly gent. Heres what he mumbled. -
"I were hobblin along as you do when you get to my time of life, when suddenly i saw a bar or 'Rutter' on the floor. I went to pick it up but i forgot bout me glasses you see and objects may appear closer than they actually are so. i missed it completely took myself of balance and stumbled onto its rich creamery goodness and it acted as a lubricant and suddenly the friction between me feet n the floor dissapeared in a flash of OAP and Cheese induced mayhem. Me bloody colostomy bag exploded all over the floor."
