Aryyle nodded in agreement. "One together, and our own."
"I think perhaps I'm going to join the tournament we heard about while we were travelling here. I've got my ship on the way. When we are ready, we can leave, and we wont have to depend on father. I never want to have to depend on him again. He's failed us once too often."
"Yes..." She got up and walked away a few feet and gazed outside, her arms crossed against the slight chill. She said in an emotionless voice, " Maybe you should go yourself to this tournament brother, you seem to like being alone...."
"No, I dont. I...I've been waiting for you to say something, Fiona. The only thing that kept me going was you... remembering my sister. I've got some things I want to show you, if we ever decide to go back... home." Argyyle laughed bitterly "Doesnt feel like that anymore, does it? It never did."
Fiona shrugged and didnt answer.
Argyyle continued, hesitating, "When father taught me to give pain with a touch... I took a lieutenant and tortured him with the touch. I couldn't get him to break, no matter what I gave him. I made him feel every wound I have ever taken and nothing worked. But when I made him feel the loneliness, the emptiness that I felt in that damnedable jungle, the part of me that was where you lived, he shattered like blown glass."Argyyle bit his lip, debating internally about whether or not to suggest they link, and decided to do it anyway.
Fiona sighed deeply, a slight quaver to her voice..." Why did you block me, why didn't you come home..."
Argyyle couldn't tell her what she needed to hear, didn't know what to say. "I..."
She glared at him, "Do you understand how it felt for me, not knowing if you were alright, not knowing if I would know if you died? Once I killed Kirialen, I knew what it felt like...but I didn't know then."
Argyyle slumped where he sat, feeling centuries old and defeated. "I'm sorry."
Fiona felt the rage grow stronger and stronger, until she lashed out at him with long pent up words, " I HATE YOU FOR LEAVING, I HATE YOU FOR NOT COMING BACK!!!!"
She felt the rage suddenly disappear as she slid down onto her knees her shaking hands holding herself, as she whispered... the tears in her voice, that she would not let fall..."But most of all I hate you, for being able to hate you. For you giving me the ability to hate you... the one person in this world that I did not hate..."
Fiona looked at him with utter horror and fear, "Argyyle, you know what happened the last time we linked....I don't think I could bear that again."
"Bear what? the exultation of being? Or the agony of not?"
"Perhaps both Argyyle. But most of all the loss of personality. It almost destroyed us Argyyle."
"I dont think that will happen again... I... We... You... What we became made a choice."
"It did destroy us."
"Yes. It did. But we were given back to ourselves, weren't we? And it didn't happen when we thought I was dieing."
"No..."
Argyyle laid down on the bed, spent and drained, "Then I cant explain why I didnt return. I can only show you."
She stood and grabbed her bag and exited the shuttle. She couldn't link... she didn't want to link... she would not link... she didn't trust him anymore..."There isn't any explanation for what you did."
"I know Fiona. I know."
"I will never forgive what you did and I will always hate you for it, link or no link."
Argyyle rolled over in bed, hiding his tears from her, whispering to himself. "I know."
Fiona sat down outside the shuttle and wished she could weep, wished that there could be some release for all the agony in her heart. Holding herself for she was truly alone, had been for some time, gazing out at the sunset.
Argyyle wept for both of them, wishing he could make her understand.
The rage turned on it's favorite victim, and she felt the anguish grow as she berated herself for her weakness... no comfort... no compassion... feeling the crumbling of her sanity and wishing for death.. .an end to the pain... until suddenly she ripped herself out of the weakness...
Fiona took hold of her comm link, contacted the ship and asked to be punched through to the computer in her quarters. After she gave the passwords... she started recounting the day... every detail...
No, not every detail...
Everything but the emotion...
Everything but the emotion.
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