Arsenal - Angelina Jolie - Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know thwy have the potential to really f**k you over
Aston V - Dido - One big hit. Fairly innofensive really
Birmingham - Mariah Carey - Occasionally interseting, frequently annoying
Blackburn - Melanie Sykes - Common as muck, Lancy, constantly worrying
Bolton - Natalie Imbruglia - Always looks like she might go down but never does!
Charlton - Martine McCutcheon - Chripy Cockney with the ability to spring a few suprises!
Chelsea - Maggie Thatcher - Hated by millions, supported by idiots
Everton - Barbara Windsor - Been laughing at those t**s so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good!
Fulham - Andrea Corr - Not bad to look at, but not much of her. Seems a bit awestruck with fame
Leeds - Christina Aguilera - Dirrty!
Leicester - Patsy Palmer - Generally a bit **** and second rate really, but some people like her
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis Bextor - Individually all the components look fantastic - just doesn't work when put together
Man C - Madonna - Have been big at times, now lost the plot a bit, ageing stars. Nice new home though
Man U - Jordan - Dominated by t**s. Quite repulsive really
Middlesbrough - Tara Palmer Tompkinson - Can look quite good at the back but - but nothing at al upfront to speak of
Newcastle - Pamela Anderson - Can look good. various unsavoury elements though
Portsmouth - Chrissie Hynde - On the face of it a has been, but but you're quite interested in what she's going to do next
Southampton - Kylie Minouge - Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they're not huge and you've got a bit of a soft spot
Tottenham - Kim Wilde - Glamerous in the 80's but not so nice to watch now
Wolves - Linda Lovelace - Big in the seventies guaranteed to go down