~Keleos~

“A vacation?”

“Yep.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“Why would he be going on vacation?”

Zeus gave his wife a level look. “Well, I would imagine he’s going on vacation for the same reason anybody else goes on vacation. He wants a bit of a break, to have some fun, see something other than the same thing every day. You know, a vacation.”

Hera shot Zeus a dirty look in return, then asked, “And how long will he be gone?”

“He didn’t say, actually. Just that he and this mortal are going…”

“Mortal?” Hera was startled. “What mortal?”

“Some girl he met. I gather he found her locked in a wine cellar or some such, and they seemed to hit it off.”

“You’re joking.”

“No. Apparently she loves wines and cheesecake and they get along quite well. She seems like a nice, intelligent sort. Well, intelligent for a mortal anyway.”

Hera narrowed her eyes. “You met her?”

“Well, he had her with him when he came to tell me he was going on vacation,” Zeus explained, trying to forestall the storm. “It was somewhat unavoidable.”

“Was she pretty?”

Uh-oh. Headed into dangerous ground. He had to be careful how he answered this one. If he said yes, he’d be in the doghouse for days. If he said no, she’d think he was lying even if the woman actually looked like Medusa. And if he tried to placate, she’d think he had something to hide. He fell back on half truth, it was his only chance.

“Now how would I know?” he asked in an exasperated tone. “I suppose she must have been somewhat attractive, I can’t think he’d take her otherwise, but I was a bit busy trying to figure out how to handle the situation. It’s not as though I had time to stand there judging if she were pretty or not when I was losing a member of my pantheon for an unspecified amount of time.”

“So he didn’t say how long he’d be gone. Did he at least tell you where he was going?”

Zeus inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that she let it go. “Apparently on a tour of the vineyards in Gaul.”

Hera nodded. “I can see how that would be appealing for him. And for her if she enjoys wine as well. I hope they have a good time.”

Zeus smiled warmly at his wife. “Actually so do I.”

“So what are we going to do about his absence?”

“Well, I thought that I could take over for him. It shouldn’t be too difficult to keep things running for him while he’s gone, as long as there aren’t any major problems.” Zeus looked heavenward, thinking, and ticked off the obligations on his fingers. “I think all I need to do is make sure that the grapes are growing and the wineries are running. Oh, and I’ll probably have to tour the pubs and taverns to make sure they’re operating appropriately.”

Hera’s eyes grew wide. In one horrific moment she foresaw with great clarity what Zeus would be doing as he toured the pubs and taverns. Tavern wenches weren’t known for their modest dress, and Zeus was certainly not known for his restraint with the fairer sex. “NO!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“No, you will not be touring the pubs.”

“But, dear...”

“NO!”

“Well then what exactly do you suggest?”

“Dionysus can’t be gone forever on his vacation to Gaul. We’ll just have to shut things down in his absence.”

As King of the Gods, Zeus was not often at a loss for words, but this time he truly had no response. “Uh, what?”

“Yes, that’s what we’ll do,” Hera affirmed, warming to the subject. “We’ll just shut things down for a few weeks while he’s away. Stop the production at the wineries, and shut down the pubs.”

“Shut down the pubs?” Zeus parroted in disbelief.

“Yes,” Hera nodded firmly. “Shut them down. We’ll call it... prohibition!”

“But...”

Hera shot her husband a look that could shatter stone. “You don’t have a problem with that, do you, dear?”

Zeus considered his options, then miserably uttered, “No.”

axman stared at the scroll in disbelief. It had to be a joke. Something that Kel came up with. But as he inspected the scroll for the umpteenth time looking for signs of forgery, he realized that it had to be real. The seal was authentic, and it had been delivered by one of Hera’s priests. It was true. There was going to be a prohibition.

He was going to be ruined.

Oh sure, he could still sell food, but without the alcohol his patrons usually imbibed with their meal, it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out how bad the food really was. And the food only made up a small portion of his profits. His best sellers had always been his wine and ale. He was in big trouble.

First things first was to find out what they had stock piled, then figure out a way to sell it despite this prohibition thing. He called the rats together and gave them their orders. They were to inventory all of his cellars and warehouses, even the secret ones, and get back to him as soon as they were done with the reports on how much wine and spirits he had left.

Then he could make some plans.

Cathbad walked toward the group of women sitting in the middle of the campus. “Hey ladies, what’s going on?”

“Not much,” smiled DreamTraveler.

“We’re all getting together later tonight,” ForgetMeNot informed him.

Shoshana looked up, “You wanna come along?”

“Sure,” smiled Cathbad. “What are we doing?”

Shiva shrugged, “I dunno. Just hanging out and having a good chat. Mania and Kel are going to be there too.”

“Any other Hunters?” asked Cathbad.

Ladybug gave him a naughty grin. “Nope, you’re the only one.”

“Then I promise, I’ll be there,” he told them with a wink.

As he began to walk away, something light and thin blew past his face. Cathbad snaked out an arm and grabbed it before it hit the ground. But he needn’t have worried that he might have missed it, because the air was filled with the papers that were fluttering down like a rain of flyers. As Cathbad read the flyer that he’d caught, he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The rats’ report was not promising, and ax was wondering how long he could milk his current supplies when he got his first customer of the day. And quite possibly his last, the way things were going.

“I saw the flyers,” announced Cathbad. “How are you holding up?”

“There are flyers?" axman grabbed the paper from Cathbad's hand and scanned it in a panic. "I thought she’d just sent out the scrolls to the pub owners. She’s already moved on to flyers?”

Cathbad shrugged. “I suppose she wants to make sure the everybody gets the message. I don’t remember anybody ever describing Hera as subtle.”

ax groaned and laid his head down on his bar. “I’m going to be ruined.”

“You can still sell it, you’re just going to have to be sneaky,” Cathbad tried to comfort him. “Isn’t that what Deb U teaches, sneakiness?”

axman snorted, “Yeah, if you’re an Amazon. Hunters are taught to do as their told.”

“Yeah, right,” said Cathbad. “Like that actually ever happens. C’mon, you grew up with Keleos, you have to have some experience at being sneaky and underhanded to have survived that.”

“Underhanded isn’t the problem,” ax told him. “Supply is the problem. I get deliveries every Wednesday. Today is Tuesday, and I’m almost out. I have a little set aside for emergencies, but it’s not enough to last long.”

“Why don’t you make your own?” asked Cathbad.

“If I knew how to do that, do you think I’d waste money on getting it shipped here by an outside supplier?”

Cathbad gave ax a considering look. “How much do you pay your supplier?”

“I’m not telling you that!” said axman indignantly. Then after a pause he asked, “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I bet I can get it for you much cheaper, and I can be sure that you’ll get the delivery of the goods,” answered Cathbad smugly.

“How?”

“Well it just so happens that I know how to produce some fine potables myself.”

“How much?” Cathbad and ax haggled over the price of the product, and finally agreed on a sum that was less than Cathbad had hoped, but enough that it made ax sick to think of parting with it. With that detail handled, ax moved on to the next most pressing question. “When can you start?”

“That desperate?” asked Cathbad.

“Whenever you tell these people that they can’t have something, they want it even more,” ax explained. “My supplies aren’t going to last long, and the sooner we introduce your homebrew, the sooner they can get used to it.”

“Well, I suppose I can start...”

“Tonight, right away,” ax interrupted.

“Yeah, I can do that,” agreed Cathbad, thinking of the tidy profit he was going to make. He’d completely forgotten his promise to meet his friends that evening.

That was a very grave mistake.